


꿈에 In Dreams

by notlivinglikecnu



Category: B1A4
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 53,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23719264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notlivinglikecnu/pseuds/notlivinglikecnu
Summary: B1A4 was driving home from preparing promotions for their upcoming album when they got into a severe car accident caused by a drunk driver. Everything was broken, but could be repaired by connecting dreams.
Relationships: Jung Jinyoung/Shin Dongwoo | CNU
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Feels Like Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Contains themes of depression, violence, abuse, homophobia, mentioning of death, and some disturbing scenes.
> 
> "Do you hear me? Are you an illusion? Everything about me is the same, but where are you? I can only feel you through my dreams..."
> 
> This story takes place in late April 2016.  
> Cross-posted on AFF.

"And that's it for today! Good work, everyone," the producer yelled through the studio.

B1A4 started to make their way back to their dressing room. They just finished their photoshoot for their teasers of their upcoming album.

Junghwan, Sunwoo, and Chansik were practically jumping while making their way back. Dongwoo stopped and turned over to Jinyoung, who was sitting in a chair and staring off into space.

"Jinyoung, are you coming?" He asked, growing concerned when he had to wait for an answer.

"Oh, yeah," he said, shaking his head like he just snapped out of a daze. The younger quickly stood up from his seat and almost ran into the other.

Dongwoo raised an eyebrow as he eyed the boy, "Are you okay?" His face immediately paled. 

Bluntly, Jinyoung looked dead. Even with makeup on, the bags under his eyes were prominent and he was slouched. He dragged his feet when he walked and he didn't look particularly happy.

Jinyoung nodded and walked past Dongwoo, leaving the older boy worried. It was normal for their leader to be tired, since he always stayed up late composing songs, but he was never usually this tired. He didn't usually act so jumpy either. Dongwoo sighed and followed him back to the others.

They all changed their clothes and took off their makeup. They were held in the dressing room for 10 extra minutes because Sunwoo hid Junghwan's pants and he was running around in his underwear trying to find them. 

Everyone began to finally make their way out of the changing room, once Junghwan found his pants. Chansik looked over at Jinyoung, who was sitting on the couch, half-lidded.

"Is he okay?" Chansik murmured to Dongwoo, who was to the side of him. 

Chansik gave Dongwoo a panicked and confused look because honestly, it looked like Jinyoung could be a zombie right about now.

Dongwoo pursued his lips and sighed, "I don't know. I think he's tired."

Chansik gave a worried look, "Jinyoung? Are you okay?"

Chansik tensed and shrugged at Dongwoo when he received no response from the other.

Dongwoo shook his head and stepped toward the boy, "Jinyoung. We're leaving," he said.

Jinyoung snapped out of whatever trance he was in and looked up at the older.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Right."

Dongwoo sighed again, "You're going straight to bed when we get home," he sounded like a mom telling her kid what to do.

Jinyoung put a hand in his hair, trying to say something like he wanted to argue, but dropped his hand and sighed. There was no point and besides, the other was right. He should go to bed.

Dongwoo put an arm around his shoulder and directed him out of the room, so he wouldn't wander off. Losing a tired Jinyoung in the dark wouldn't be such a good idea.

Dongwoo and Chansik noticed a soft tint of pink spread across Jinyoung's cheeks. Giving each other a concerned look, they knew they had to get home, in case he was sick.

Chansik went back to Junghwan and Sunwoo, who were bickering, as usual. And they all began their journey back home.


	2. Infinity is Inevitable

The wind was brisk and rain was pouring from the sky. The boys were making their way home on the highway. Dongwoo was driving, Jinyoung was in the passenger seat, and in the back were Sunwoo, Junghwan, and Chansik.

Their manager had stayed behind to finish some things with the crew and he let the boys go home, since they looked as if they were about to pass out.

They were traveling down the interstate when a semi-truck sped and crossed over their lane and into the one next to theirs. Dongwoo slowed down, and of course beeped the car's horn at the truck, which probably had no effect to the blundering driver. He maintained a slower speed, to stay further away from the truck. 

"What's with people today? They're not thinking about anything!" Jinyoung stated tiredly, growing annoyed. His spaciness had turned into utter irritation. 

"Are you still mad that the director's assistant tried to kick you out because she didn't know who you were?" Sunwoo teased and Dongwoo sighed.

Jinyoung pouted, obviously annoyed, "It's not even that anymore. I just need to sleep." Sunwoo snickered in the back, while Gongchan rolled his eyes. It's not like they've been trying to tell him that or anything.

"When was the last time you even had a full night's sleep?" Dongwoo questioned. Jinyoung hesitated and opened his mouth to respond, but he was interrupted. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Jinyoung slumped in the seat, but sat back up once the seatbelt started to rub his neck.

"Can we get food?" Junghwan asked. Sunwoo rolled his eyes to give him his "Are You Kidding Me" look. 

"You just ate at the studio, though," Chansik pointed out.

"Yeah, besides, it's almost 11!" Sunwoo retaliated.

"What if I said I wanted pizza?" Junghwan asked. Chansik's face lit up and as he was just about to sing the pizza song that Junghwan and he made up in Chicago, Jinyoung turned around and glared at him. Chansik smiled nervously and sat quietly, not wanting to hear the older's wrath.

Jinyoung turned around and sighed. Today was so exhausting. Okay, yeah, the lady from earlier still bothered him, he'll admit it. Not to mention, that he woke up late this morning and just wasn't in a good mood. The more the day went on, it kept getting worse. He was just thankful that it was almost over. 

"Amazing how you can do that," Dongwoo chuckled.

"Sorry, I'm just tired," Jinyoung closed his eyes and breathed out. 

"I know. You shouldn't really work so hard though," he furrowed his eyebrows and concentrated on the road ahead. "I feel that one day, you're just going to collapse from exhaustion."

Jinyoung was quiet, not having an exact response to that. Dongwoo was right, but he was a producer. He had to do this.

"I know," he sighed. "It's just that-WOAH!" Jinyoung yelled and gripped onto the door.

"What are you doing!?" Sunwoo panicked.

"I'm sorry! This guy apparently doesn't know how to drive," Dongwoo apologized for swerving the car. His face grew nervous and he anxiously gripped the steering wheel tighter.

"I've been trying to get away from him, but I haven't been able to," he bit his lip and concentrated deeply on the road.

"Maybe we should pull over.." Jinyoung suggested with worry, lightly tapping Dongwoo's arm. 

"Yeah, I wi-shit."

Shinwoo immediately gripped the steering wheel and hastily turned it all the way to the right. The truck skid across the highway and right in front of them.

He slammed his foot on the brake, in attempt to stop the car, and held Jinyoung back with his right arm. The car skid on the wet road...and right into the semi-truck.


	3. A Lie

"OhmygodohmygodoHMYGODOHMYGOD!!" Chansik screamed as he hurriedly opened the car door. He was cradling his left arm and he had blood dripping down his face, coming from his scratched cheeks.

"Channie, calm down!!" Junghwan yelled, just in as agitation as he was. He had cuts on the left side of his face near his nose and was limping slightly.

"You too! You both are going to get hurt!" Sunwoo yelled climbing out of the car. He had a cut on his forehead with a little bit of blood oozing out. 

"What do we do what do we DO!?" Chansik yelled with tears in his eyes. Dongwoo had tried to move the car out of the way, which had resulted into the front of the car, mostly on the left, being smashed into the side of the semi-truck. Their car was badly damaged and all of the windows were smashed to pieces. The truck had gone out of so much control that it had fallen onto its side. It laid diagonally across the three-lane highway, fortunately not hitting any other cars.

"Chansik, you call an ambulance, while Junghwan and I try to get Dongwoo and Jinyoung out!" Sunwoo yelled.

Chansik shakily grabbed his phone in his pocket. The screen had cracked, but it still managed to work and he hit the emergency button.

"Junghwan, come around the car and help Jinyoung. I'll get Dongwoo!" He said as he ran around the car. 

Multiple cars around them had stopped and blocked traffic. Some people were getting out of their cars and running over, while others were turning around to get into the lanes on the other side of the highway.

"Oh my god. Let us help you!" A lady approached Sunwoo and pleaded, "My husband and I are doctors. He's getting supplies out of our car."

"Oh My God, thank you!" Sunwoo panted out of loss of breath and full of worry. 

The lady quickly opened the car door and Sunwoo's breath hitched. 

Broken glass was everywhere. Two bodies laid still in the seats. Sunwoo turned away before he could even look at their injuries. The woman's husband ran over with two bags. He handed her one and ran over to the other side of the car to Junghwan. 

"Hello, I'm a doctor. I'm here to help you," he said while quickly opening his bag. 

"Oh thank you so much! Please do your best to help my friends!" Junghwan pleaded with worry as he opened the car door. 

Jinyoung was stirring in his seat. His forehead was bleeding and his legs appeared to be stuck under the crushed dashboard, but the airbag was blocking the view.

The doctor kneeled on the step on the side of the car, being cautious of any broken glass, and put his hands up to Jinyoung's face.

"Hello? Can you hear me?" He asked. Jinyoung opened his eyes and squinted in confusion at the doctor. 

"..Yeah..," he croaked out.

"Alright, I'm going to help you, you just need to tell me when you are in pain. Don't fall asleep on me," the doctor reached for his bag and grabbed a pocket knife and cut the airbag out. 

Blood. So much blood came from his legs. The doctor was easily able to be move his right leg out of the way, but his left was stuck.

"Your left leg may be broken, so tell me if this hurts you," the doctor said calmly. Jinyoung's vision still wasn't completely clear and he dazed at the doctor.

The man applied a small amount of pressure to see if it hurt him. Jinyoung didn't seem to even recognize that the doctor tried putting pressure on his leg, but when he tried to move it, he hissed in pain. 

"Ah, sorry!"

The doctor tried to lift the broken dashboard and move Jinyoung's seat back to free his leg. He closed his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows in pain. His left leg was able to be moved and the doctor reached into his bag. He pulled out bandages and disinfectant. 

He pulled up Jinyoung's pant legs and noticed his right leg was fine, just bruised. His left leg had a big gash down the middle and was bleeding a lot. The doctor cleaned it and managed to stop most of the bleeding. He had to stitch it with the supplies he had because it was so deep. Luckily, Jinyoung didn't feel the extra pain. He wrapped his leg, pulled his pant legs down, and quickly checked to see if he was hurt anywhere else. 

He cleaned the wound on Jinyoung's forehead and then removed him from the car and gently placed him on the ground, just in case he was hurt internally. Junghwan sat down and allowed for Jinyoung to rest his head on his lap. 

"Do whatever it takes to keep him awake, you hear me?" He said as he quickly removed his coat to place it on Jinyoung. Junghwan immediately nodded and the doctor ran to the other side of the car to help his wife.

"Deullie, what happened..?" Jinyoung croaked quietly. 

Junghwan stroked his wet hair, "I'll tell you later, please, just try to stay awake," he replied shakily. 

"...Everything hurts. Why does it hurt this bad? What happened, Deullie?" Jinyoung persisted. Junghwan looked down to see Jinyoung staring back at him. He brushed his bangs back and held back his oncoming tears.

A blood-curling scream erupted from the car, making Jinyoung and Junghwan jump. Jinyoung latched his arms around Junghwan's waist and hid his face in his wet shirt. Chansik immediately came running over sobbing.

"IS JINYOUNG OKAY!? I CAN'T TAKE IT JUNGHWAN, I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!!" He screamed, plopping down to the ground next to Junghwan. 

"Shh, Channie, it's oka-"

"NO IT'S NOT! HAVE YOU SEEN DONGWOO' SINJURIES?? I GOT THE SMALLEST GLIMPSE AND IT'S NOT OKAY, IT'S NOT OKAY!! IT'S REALLY BAD!!!" Chansik cried harder and Junghwan pulled him in for a side hug, being mindful of his left arm. He doesn't even want to think about the oldest's injuries.

"Dongwoo..." Jinyoung murmurs as he quickly whipped his head around to look at the destroyed vehicle. His eyes widened.

Jinyoung turned back and looked up at them, confused and concerned, "..Channie..," he said with worry in his voice and raised his arm up to grab Chansik's hand.

If it were possible for Chansik to cry any harder right now, well he did it. Junghwan squeezed him tighter to comfort him, being mindful of his left arm.

"Here, you stay with Jinyoung, I'll be right back," he said as he changed positions with Chansik, shifting Jinyoung, so that he didn't hurt him. "Make sure he doesn't fall asleep.." Junghwan said as he stood up and Chansik hesitantly nodded in reply with a worried look on his face.

Junghwan's heart was pounding as he ran around the car. He couldn't handle sitting with a dazed and loopy Jinyoung. He knows it's just from blood loss and that it's temporary, but he can't stand having the thought of him being helpless. Junghwan also knows he won't be able to bear the sight he's about to see, but he goes anyway.

"Where did Junghwan go?" Jinyoung asked quietly as he started playing with the hem of Chansik's sleeve. 

"Oh, it's okay. He'll be back," he answered even softer, the last part as a whisper, as the sound of the rain overpowered his voice.


	4. Melancholy

Junghwan ran around the backside of the car and went up to Sunwoo, who was standing away from the car. His hair was flat against his head, but he didn't seem to be shivering yet. He was watching the doctors, but averting his gaze from Dongwoo. 

"Have you seen how bad it is yet?" Sunwoo continued to stare at the doctors, working to help Dongwoo out of the car.

"..W-was that..scream from..."

"Yes," he answered sternly and turned his head to look at Junghwan with sharp eyes. "It's not pretty in there, I wouldn't advise laying your eyes on something that brutal if you haven't seen it yet," he said as he turned his head back to watch the doctors.

The two doctors were working frantically to help Dongwoo. They were trying to get his legs free from the crushed dashboard. There was blood. So much blood came from his legs, like Jinyoung's, but there was so much more. His legs were broken, uncomfortably crushed, making it difficult to get out from under the dashboard without creating more problems. Glass was scattered everywhere, some of it was stuck in his bleeding face, his arms, and his torso. 

"What are we going to do? We can't get his legs out!" The husband yelled at his wife who was maintaining Dongwoo's "smaller" injuries and trying to get him to stay conscious.

"Keep trying! Come on, try to lift the dashboard again!" She persisted as she started to clean the wounds on Dongwoo's head. There was glass stuck in his skin and she had managed to pull all of the glass out, but it was actually in a little deep, leaving big, bleeding cuts. 

Junghwan froze from where he was standing. Sirens then began blasting from down the highway.

"Oh, thank god!" Sunwoo called out to the sight of the approaching vehicles.

Junghwan turned his head and saw three police cars, two ambulances, and a fire truck coming towards them. 

They all stopped quickly and paramedics and policemen rushed out of their vehicles. They had two gurneys and were rushing to each side of the car.

"Please help my friend!!" Chansik sobbed loudly. 

"Did you take him out of the car?" One paramedic asked as he leaned down to assist him. 

"No! That guy did over there! He's a doctor!" Chansik cried even harder.

"Okay, it's alright," he tried to calm down the hysterical boy. Chansik couldn't even reply back because he was crying so hard. He felt like he had a lump in his throat and he couldn't get his words out. 

Chansik couldn't watch when they lifted Jinyoung up onto the gurney and carried him back to the ambulance.

"Are you alright? Is your left arm okay? We should check it out," one paramedic asked Chansik. He looked at the other with wide, teary eyes.

"NO! GO HELP DONGWOO! HE'S NEEDS HELP!" Chansik scrunched his eyes closed and screamed, not facing the paramedic.

"It's okay, we've got it taken care of," he grabbed Chansik's right arm lightly and led him to the same ambulance as Jinyoung. He shivered, the cold finally getting to him, as he entered the vehicle. He glanced back at the car before they closed the doors.

"Please, just let everything be okay," Chansik whispered as tears rolled down his face.


	5. Crushed

The ambulance drove away into the haze of the rain leaving the other vehicles and everyone else still standing at the scene. Junghwan stared at the white vehicle, racing down the road, while an officer was asking Sunwoo questions. The rain started to pour down harder. If it was possible for them to get even more soaked than before, the large puddles at their feet just from their clothes suggested otherwise. 

There were a lot of people around the car. Paramedics, police officers, firefighters, and the people who had been witnesses. It was quite loud. The people were yelling. Junghwan tried to block out the noise, but it's kind of hard when it's the only thing on your mind. 

He heard Sunwoo suddenly stop talking and he grabbed his arm. Junghwan turned to look at Sunwoo, who was staring in horror at the car, along with the officer. He couldn't find himself to even glance over at the car. Junghwan covered his eyes and Sunwoo pulled him in for a side hug, as he turned away, too. 

Blood was pouring out of Dongwoo's body. However, nothing was comparable to his legs. His pants were soaked, starting to bleed onto the gurney as the paramedics placed him onto it.

Dongwoo was still conscious, and in terrible pain. All he could feel was the burning in his legs. It was so uncomfortable. He was shifting, resisting the help he was receiving as he was trying to kick the two heavy logs know as his legs. The paramedics were yelling at Dongwoo to stop moving them and they were trying to keep them down without hurting him. Dongwoo let out a second ear-splitting scream from the pain as the paramedics tried to calm him down. 

Sunwoo lifted his head and Junghwan heard his breath hitch. He kept his eyes shut to avoid the sight. 

"Come on! Come on! Hurry up!! Get him in the ambulance!!"

Junghwan furrowed his brows and clenched his eyes closed. Everything was so loud, yet so quiet. The situation was so overwhelming, he couldn't handle it. His emotions were on a roller coaster and he couldn't take it anymore. He was so...so...tired.

He let out a sigh of relief when he felt his body relax as everything went black.


	6. Mending to Deep Wounds

Junghwan squinted his eyes and quickly closed them from the bright light. He tried to adjust his eyes and he looked over to see someone standing in front of him.

"Oh, hello. I am Dr. Kyo. You're Lee Junghwan?"

Junghwan blinked in confusion, his mind completely blank. 

"Huh? Why am I here?" He asked as he felt his head pounding from a migraine. "Ow, and why does my head hurt?" 

Junghwan rubbed his head as the doctor started to write on his clipboard.

"You fainted. You felt extremely overwhelmed and you got lightheaded."

Junghwan's eyes widened. He fainted? But why? Where was everyone? He looked to his right to see Sunwoo asleep in a chair.

"What time is it?" Junghwan asked.

"Hmm...it's 3:26 a.m.," Dr. Kyo said looking at his watch. "You weren't out for very long, considering how tired your probably are. You arrived here at about 10:30 last night."

Junghwan was trying to process all the information when suddenly, a nurse burst into the room and asked for the doctor's assistance immediately. Dr. Kyo excused himself as he quickly rushed out of the room with the nurse. Junghwan stared at the door in confusion until he heard a shift next to him. He looked over to see Sunwoo rubbing his eyes. He stretched his arms and legs and opened his eyes. He looked over to his left, tiredly and saw Junghwan. His eyes lit up once he realized he was awake.

"YOU'RE AWAKE!" Junghwan chuckled at his excitement.

"And so are you, sleepyhead," he replied. 

"Thank God," Sunwoo let out a sigh of relief and relaxed his shoulders. "We don't need anything else to worry about right now."

Junghwan stared at Sunwoo in confusion. "What do you mean? Where is everyone?" 

Sunwoo stared back at Junghwan like he was insane. "Do you not remember?" He asked.

Junghwan furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. He looked away from Sunwoo to think. His eyes widened once he recalled the flashing lights and panicky mess from a few hours ago.

"Oh my God! Are they all okay!?" He turned back to Sunwoo immediately and asked panicked. 

Sunwoo had a blank stare at Junghwan and blinked a few times. "Define okay," he said blatantly. 

Junghwan looked at him with a worried expression, "..What do you mean?" 

Sunwoo felt pressured as he didn't want to think or speak of it. The experience was horrifying and just explaining it would be experiencing it all over again. 

He sneezed and hoped it could stall some time, or somehow make Junghwan change his mind, but he was persistent. 

He sniffed and awkwardly looked to the side as he spoke, "Uhh..well, Channie broke his arm, I guess. Luckily, it was a clean cut..right in half." He tried not to pay attention to Junghwan's worrying expression.

"Jinyoung-hyung broke his leg," he paused, still looking away from the other boy. "He lost a lot of blood, but they were able to stabilize him. They said he should wake up today, but he'll be really tired.."

Junghwan's eyebrows furrowed and his gaze grew intense. Sunwoo knew what he wanted to ask. He was just hoping he wouldn't have to say it. They had locked eye contact as Junghwan dared to ask.

"A-and..what abou-"

"I don't know," he cut him off mid-sentence. Sunwoo sighed and looked down at the floor.

"It was a mess. Dongwoo started screaming, which caused you to faint, a-and-ah oh my god, it was such a huge mess. You...ah, don't even want to know what happened."

Junghwan's focus was still on Sunwoo. He reached out to grab his arm. Sunwoo looked up once Junghwan didn't let go and his grip tightened. 

"Please. Tell me."


	7. Lost

It was dark. The surface I was lying on was rough and it was completely uncomfortable. 

What happened? Where am I?

I opened my eyes. I was lying on the...road? Rain began to fall to the ground and it was really cold. 

I blinked a few times and looked around. I shifted my gaze and saw something black and shiny. Was it a car? It didn't seem to be running. 

However, it was quiet. Extremely quiet. 

My eyes widened as I realized the car's front end was completely smashed. Metal scraps and bolts were lying across the street. But, only the car was in the road. Nothing else was passing by or was anywhere near. It was empty. 

I pushed my body up with my arms to sit on the ground. I noticed that there was something..shiny on the ground? It was dark. Was that blood? ...And is it coming from me?

I looked down to my right leg, where blood was pouring out. My eyes widened and looked around frantically for something to stop the bleeding.

But wait. Why wasn't it hurting?

Was it numb? Did I lose so much blood that I couldn't feel it anymo-no. How would I even be conscious right now? What was going on?

I took the risk and attempted to stand up. I was easily able to, which was shocking, considering how my leg is basically spilt open right now...

I looked to the car and I saw that it was completely empty. Reluctantly, I took a step closer. I walked over to the passenger's side of the car door and looked through the window. The seats were covered in broken glass and..blood. 

I looked into the back window and saw broken glass was scattered, along with Junghwan's neck pillow and Chansik's cell phone.

Turning my gaze away from the vehicle, I looked around, still terribly leery about the whole situation. 

Something was telling me to keep looking. As much as I didn't want to, I slowly made my way to the back of the car. I was going to open the trunk...just to see if anything was in there, but I saw something, no, someone, out of the corner of my eye. 

The body was lying still on the ground. The car door was open. It wasn't like that when I looked through the window. Was it? My breath hitched, but in the back of my mind, something was still telling me to go look. 

My vision started to get blurry as I hesitantly walked over. I slowly bent down to get a better look. I was expecting to be seeing things, or I was imagining the person to be somebody I didn't know. But, if my eyelids could open any wider, well, they did.

It was Dongwoo. 

He was lying on his back with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open, leaving room for a little bit of blood to leak out. It looked like he practically fell out of the car. His clothes were bloody and..uh, his left leg was gone. 

Panic immediately set in and I didn't realize I was shaking until I went to grab his arm. His skin was cold and-no pulse. 

My heart was beating rapidly and tears filled my eyes and were pouring down my face. What was happening? Why was this happening? This couldn't be real, this couldn't be real, this couldn't be real, this couldn't be real-

Over my cloudy vision, I didn't fail to notice a slight shift of his mouth. I wiped my eyes and face. I tried to calm down and sat back on my knees. I was able to see a little better, however, my eyes were still watering. I brought my face closer, since my vision was still blurry. Dongwoo had cuts all over his face and blood was pouring from his head. His hair was soaked with blood and water. His face rested with a relaxed expression as I shakily brought a hand up to his cheek. My tears fell down on his face, falling down his cheeks. His expression stayed the same, no matter how hard I cried in silence.

Dongwoo's eyes immediately flashed open and he stared right at me with dark black eyes. I let go of his face instantaneously and screamed. His mouth moved again, but this time, a low sound was heard.

"Jinyoung." 

I fell back and started to slide away on the ground. I tried to scramble to my feet, but my legs suddenly went weak and I couldn't. I turned around to see that it was pitch black. I couldn't see anything except for the car and Dongwoo. I turned my head back to Dongwoo and he was standing over me, staring at me with his large, black eyes. The noise kept getting louder. I tried to stand up by putting my hands on the car, but they got pushed away once the car door behind the driver's door was flung open. I looked up and saw Chansik get out of the car. Following him, was Junghwan grabbing onto his arm and crying. They were both bloody and Chansik stared at me with a pained expression on his face. I was too scared, this was a nightmare. 

I couldn't take it. I brought my knees together and put my head down as I started crying even harder than before. Curling myself into a tight ball to try to make myself small. I could hear Chansik starting to scream my name and Junghwan's cries get louder. I also heard Sunwoo yelling at them. I couldn't make out what he was saying as I felt something roughly grab onto my leg-

"JINYOUNG!"

Jinyoung quickly opened his eyes. He was breathing really hard and was sweating. He looked around to see that he was in a hospital and not outside on an abandoned road.

He looked over to his side to Chansik, frantically worrying over him. 

"Oh my gosh! You were screaming so loud. You scared me!"

"What happened? Are you alright?" A doctor said as he rushed over to the bed. 

Jinyoung turned to face the doctor and he looked him straight in the eyes with a panicked expression. 

"Is he alive?" He asked. It was quick and stern. 

"Jinyoung, you need to calm down," Chansik said putting an arm on him.

Jinyoung shook his arm off, "No! Answer me!" He demanded and his eyes began to water.

"Who is he talking about?" The doctor softly asked Chansik. The younger boy looked as if he was about to cry now.

"Uhm..Shin Dongwoo.."

The doctor looked back at Jinyoung, who now had tears rolling down his face, now with softer features. 

"Oh. He's in surgery right now and we were finally able to stabilize him. So, yes, he is alive."

Jinyoung let out a deep breath and dropped down to the bed. He was able to repose and collect his thoughts. 

The doctor came over and touched Jinyoung's forehead. Jinyoung looked up at the man like he was crazy and wiped his eyes.

"I see you do have a slight fever. Be sure to get some rest. I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes," he said as he reluctantly left the room, looking back at Jinyoung as he did so.

Jinyoung turned his head to face Chansik. 

"I'm not insane, am I?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"There-there are, um, there's-" 

"Calm down Jinyoung. There's what?"

Jinyoung looked down at his hands, embarrassed. He didn't want to explain to the youngest what he dreamt. Number one, it was a nightmare. He didn't want to think about it. Number two, he didn't want Chansik to have nightmares. Number three, it was so weird! What was going on with his head?

"..You're okay? Right?" He asked cautiously. Chansik gave him a weird look.

"I think I should be asking you that. What were you dreaming about?"

Jinyoung bit his lip and avoided Chansik's gaze. He didn't even know what happened in his dream. How would he even explain it?

"Dongwoo...uh...doesn't have...um...black eyes..right?" It sounded utterly and completely ridiculous coming out of his mouth. He didn't meet Chansik in the eyes, as he was mentally slapping himself for asking it.

Chansik looked very serious in response to Jinyoung's question. He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to understand where he was getting this from. 

"No? What!?" 

Jinyoung looked to Chansik, who looked incredibly confused, as he relaxed. He sighed, shook his head, and leaned back into his pillow. 

"Thank God, that was just a dream."


	8. Slipping Away

Chansik stared at Jinyoung, trying to understand what he was thinking.

"What was it about? That sounded like a total nightmare!" Chansik exclaimed.

Jinyoung slouched in his bed, trying to use his body language to show Chansik that he was uncomfortable. 

"Uh..no, I really don't want to..I'm really tired..." He said, shifting his gaze to the side, away from the youngest.

They sat in silence for awhile. Jinyoung still had his head facing away from the other. He really didn't want to tell him. He already thought he was crazy from his demon related question. Jinyoung shook his and tried to not think of his prior embarrassment. Realizing the sullenness had gone on for way too long, he turned his head back to Chansik. He was faced with him staring back at him with tears flowing down his cheeks.

Jinyoung's eyes widened and he sat up as he started to panic.

"A-ah! Why are you crying!?" He asked worriedly.

Chansik started to cry harder and was eventually sobbing.

"Come on, please tell me.." Jinyoung pleaded. He was starting to become scared for the boy.

"W-why should I tell you when you won't even tell me what had caused you to be scared?" Jinyoung's eyes widened and he started to feel guilty. 

"You can't be the leader all the time! This is when we need to help each other! T-this time is g-going to be really hard on all of us and not being able to tell each o-other what we're feeling isn't going to help us at all! I-I feel like we won't be able to rely on each other a-and it's going to be for the worst of us a-and-"

The guilt and pressure was building up inside Jinyoung. He understood Chansik's point and it made him feel horrible. Just to the point where he started to cry, too. 

"I-I'm sorry!"

Chansik looked up at the older boy with wide eyes.

"I had a dream where after the accident we were left on an abandoned road and I found Dongwoo dead! I got really scared when his dead body opened its eyes because they were black!! There was a loud, high-pitched noise and he called out to me and suddenly he was standing over me while all these black figures were running towards me and I couldn't get up and then you got out of the empty car and started screaming and, and-" Jinyoung sobbed with heavy breathing. 

A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around Jinyoung and enveloped him into a tight hug. He felt his shirt start to become wet with Chansik crying on his shoulder. He finally gave in and accepted the gesture.

"I'm so sorry.." Chansik whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Jinyoung stared at the white wall in front of him, tears still flowing out of his eyes. He pulled apart from Chansik's embrace, but didn't move far back.

"Are we going to be okay?" Jinyoung asked nervously.

Chansik's breath hitched. He shakily wiped Jinyoung's eyes. 

"I don't know," he whispered, "Just try to get some sleep.."

"B-but what if I have another dream..?" Jinyoung asked grabbing onto Chansik's right arm.

"It's going to be okay," he reassured, putting a hand on Jinyoung's shoulder.

Jinyoung nodded and relaxed in his bed. He slowly lied back down and his eyes hastily shut from exhaustion.

Chansik watched him until he was asleep and then wiped his eyes. Everything was too much. He looked down at his left arm, which was in a cast in a sling. Everything brought back memories..he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"I hope." He whispered.


	9. Search With Your Heart, Not Your Eyes

_There weren't any colors or sounds this time. It was black and silent. Until I heard the murmurs of people talking next to me._

_I opened my eyes to see myself standing in a floral garden. It was really pretty and there were soft, pastel-colored flowers everywhere. The sky was blue with a few clouds and the sun was shining. It was seriously, so beautiful. While admiring the garden's beauty, I saw some people standing next to me out of the corner of my eye._

_It was Junghwan, Sunwoo, and Chansik. They were all dressed in black suits and they looked...rather sad._

_"I can't take this guys," Junghwan said putting his head into Sunwoo's shoulder, starting to cry._

_It seemed that they have all been crying. All of their eyes were red and puffy. But why? They were holding bouquets of the pretty flowers that filled the garden. I looked, curiously, to where Baro was staring with such a sad expression._

_"Shin Dongwoo...1991-2016"_

_I stood there with my mouth hanging open and my eyes wide._

_"It isn't a dream?" I whispered._

_I suddenly felt my knees go weak as I took a step back and bumped into something. I turned my head around to see what- no, who, I bumped into. And I was met with the face of no other but, Dongwoo._

_His eyes were as black as ever and even though he had no pupils, I could still feel his eyes burning holes right through me._

_I whipped my head around to avoid his empty gaze. Standing there in shock, I felt frozen._

_Dongwoo suddenly had a grip on my shoulder. I tried my best to try to get his arm off, but my own arm didn't even move and all I could do was gulp in fear._

_He was probably going to kill me._

_"Sad, isn't it?" He asked._

_Out of shock, I was actually able to turn my head to face him. Did he just say it was sad? Shouldn't he, oh I don't know, not have emotions???_

_He stared at me with his dark black eyes. I felt a chill travel down my spine and I turned away from him._

_Everything began to fade. Junghwan, Sunwoo, and Chansik all began to disappear. I panicked, but I could still feel Dongwoo’s hand on my shoulder._

_“Oh, everything is over,” he exhaled, staring at the sight in front of us dissolve into nothing._

_“But you’re still in my head,” he sang softly. “My eyes can’t see you.” I quickly turned to catch one last glance of him._

_“But my heart is looking at you.” He whispered, vanishing away._


	10. Disconnected

"Are you seriously trying to write songs right now?" Chansik asked, handing Jinyoung his lyric book.

"No," he said quickly.

Chansik raised an eyebrow and eyed Jinyoung. The other looked back at him.

He sighed, "I want to see if my dreams have any connection towards each other."

Jinyoung looked down at the book in his hands. Chansik turned his head away, remembering their incident last night.

"Well..if you don't need anything else, I'm going with our manager to the store," he said pulling up his hood and a pair of black sunglasses.

Jinyoung nodded and began to work in his book. Chansik furrowed his eyebrows and gave the other a pained look, before leaving the room.

Jinyoung didn't have to look up to know the sullen expression Chansik had given him. He just flipped through countless pages of lyrics, their biggest hits and some never even composed.

He reached towards the end of all his works and began to start drawing in his notebook. He wanted to record what happened in his dreams, exactly how they happened. They had to mean something. 

His drawings weren't amazing or anything, but they were pretty good for not being an artist. He wanted to remember them precisely, so he wrote little notes on the sides, along with some of their dialogue.

Jinyoung was lost in his drawings when the door opened. He looked up to see Sunwoo smiling at the door, closed his book, and put it by his side.

Sunwoo walked in with a bag in his hand and shut the door gently. He walked towards Jinyoung and sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hi," Jinyoung replied, pursing his lips.

"How are you feeling?" Sunwoo asked. The silence began ringing in his ears. It was so tense and uncomfortable.

Jinyoung shrugged his shoulders, "How's Junghwan?"

"He's fine," the younger replied. His words were awkward and agonizing. He then shook his head and sighed, "He passed out last night."

Jinyoung sat up with wide eyes, "What? He did?" He sounded startled.

Sunwoo chuckled, "Calm down, he's okay. We couldn't get him to stay in bed and he's already made his way down to the cafeteria," he said with a half smile.

Jinyoung relaxed his shoulders and nodded. Relief settled on his face as he looked down at the notebook resting on his lap. He knew it wasn’t right to ask. There was so much anxiety and stress put into the response he would receive if he did, but he needed to know.

"Do you..know anything about.." Jinyoung said, not being able to finish his sentence.

"No," Sunwoo said quickly. 

Jinyoung looked at him with a worried expression, but was met back with the same one.

Dr. Kyo walked in, breaking the rigid atmosphere.

"Hello. Good to see both of you. Did you manage to get more sleep?" The doctor asked Jinyoung, who in reply, just stared back at him with his bloodshot eyes.

He furrowed his eyebrows, "I'll take that as a no..." He said as Sunwoo turned to Jinyoung to see what he did.

"Well, either way, you should eat breakfast. You need it." He told him.

Sunwoo turned to face the doctor again, "Oh! May I take him downstairs to eat? Will he be able to?"

Jinyoung glowered at the other, but he understood what he was trying to do. They needed to take their minds off of things and getting out of the hospital room would be beneficial.

"I guess, if Mr. Jung is feeling up to it," he said, raising his eyebrows. 

Jinyoung nodded and Dr. Kyo walked over to his bed. Jinyoung made a look of disgust when he lifted the covers.

"His right leg is really bruised, but luckily, not broken. I wouldn't advise walking on it, yet," the doctor stated. "How's your left leg? Do you feel any pain?" He asked Jinyoung.

Jinyoung shook his head and the doctor nodded. He pulled the covers back down over his legs. Jinyoung was relieved he would have to see his leg anymore because it wasn't pretty.

"I'll be right back and then you can go," Dr. Kyo said while leaving the room. Sunwoo then reached down into the bag he brought.

"You should probably put these on," he said, handing him a pair of sunglasses and a hoodie. Sunwoo pulled up his hood and grabbed his own pair of glasses.

"When we're ready, we'll announce what happened, but right now, we're trying to stay away from the media," he muttered. Jinyoung understood and took the clothes. 

He agreed with Sunwoo. If the media found out what happened, it would only panic their fans and no one needed to be overwhelmed right now. Luckily, they haven’t already found out.

Jinyoung put on the sweatshirt over his wonderful hospital clothes and slipped on a pair of sweatpants that Sunwoo brought him.

Dr. Kyo walked back into the room, "Alright, we're all set," he said as a nurse rolled in...a wheelchair.

Jinyoung felt distraught at the sight of it. His eyes widened and his arms dropped down by his sides. It made him feel useless. 

Sunwoo peered at him from the corner of his eye. He cleared his throat, "Okay, let's go," he said, standing up straight. 

Jinyoung was still staring, but blinked once he realized Sunwoo was talking to him. He reluctantly nodded and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Dr. Kyo and Sunwoo helped Jinyoung out of the bed and into the chair, with the nurse assisting them. Once he was situated, Sunwoo reached over onto the bed and grabbed Jinyoung's lyrics book. He handed it to him and thanked the nurse and doctor.

Jinyoung latched onto the side handles when Sunwoo began to push him. The doctor told them that the elevator was at the end of the hall and to call him if they needed anything. They left the room and made their way to the end of the hall. 

It was silent. Not just between them, but the whole floor was quiet. It felt like an eternity as they walked to the elevator. 

Sunwoo decided to break the silence, "You know, you're not as light as you look," he grinned.

He was met back by Jinyoung hitting his arm with the back of his hand, "Maybe you should start working out more."

Sunwoo laughed and Jinyoung looked down at his book and smiled. It would be a long recovery for them all, but if they stayed by each other's sides, everything would be okay in the end.


	11. Breaking Thin Ice

Jinyoung and Sunwoo got to the first floor and exited the elevator. They made their way to the cafeteria, Sunwoo cracking jokes the whole way to try to lighten the mood.

They entered the room and found Junghwan sitting at a table on his phone. Sunwoo pushed Jinyoung over to him and he looked up from his phone. 

"JINYOUNG!!" Junghwan yelled as he threw his body onto Jinyoung. He latched onto him and hugged him tight.

"Uh-uhm, J-Junghwan. I..can't..breathe," Jinyoung gasped, slapping the other on the back.

The younger of the two let go, "Oh, sorry," he smiled sheepishly.

Jinyoung smiled softly as Sunwoo sat down in the seat across from Junghwan. It was comforting to know that the boy had the energy to be excited right now. Junghwan seemed as if he was perfectly fine, until he noticed something leaning next to the table.

"Oh, come on. What did you do now?" Jinyoung asked, hopelessly staring at the other's crutches.

Junghwan awkwardly laughed and scratched the back of his head, "Oh, yeah. About that, it seems that I sorta hurt my leg. But, it's not anything serious! I just can't put weight on it for a few days," he said as Sunwoo face-palmed.

Sunwoo stood up and shook his head, "Well, I'll go get us something to eat. You two stay here," he said, patting Jinyoung on the shoulder and walked away.

Jinyoung put his book and pen on the table, which Junghwan took notice of.

"Isn't that your lyric book?" Jinyoung nodded. He felt the other boy’s eyes boring holes into him.

"What are you doing with it? You're not already trying to write songs again? You're not crazy, are you?" Junghwan questioned.

"Well, I don't know about the last one," he murmured.

Junghwan raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Okay, uhh.. I've had these...dreams..uhm..." Jinyoung drew out nervously. Great. He blew his cover and he could totally tell that Junghwan was hardcore judging him. 

"...about Dongwoo..." He finished.

"..And?" The younger looked at him as if was insane.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes in distress and sighed, "I mean, everything was related to the accident...I..just wanted to record it." Junghwan's expression began to soften as he listened to him.

"I think it means something," he said gently.

The younger pursed his lips as he thought. He was just about to say something until Sunwoo came running over.

"Dongwoo's parents are here!" He shouted.

Jinyoung and Junghwan's eyes widened as they heard yelling coming from the lobby. Junghwan moved to grab his crutches and hurriedly stood up as Sunwoo ran over. He grabbed the handles of Jinyoung's wheelchair and pushed him towards the lobby with Junghwan following behind.

They entered the lobby and were met with Chansik and their manager trying to calm down Dongwoo's frantic mother and his angry father.

The older woman was screaming at Chansik, who looked like he was about to cry.

"What do you mean he's okay? Twelve hours in surgery is NOT okay!!" She yelled.

Sunwoo pushed Jinyoung over to the group.

"Mrs. Shin, it's alright!" Sunwoo said worriedly, which received a stern look from Dongwoo's father and an even more upset one from his mother.

Jinyoung lightly tugged on her sleeve. The woman's expression relaxed slightly, but she still had tears running down her cheeks. 

Mrs. Shin liked Jinyoung. He was the only other member that was quiet, unlike the other three, back when they first debuted. Jinyoung gestured for her to come closer and he whispered something in her ear. 

She stood up calmly, wiping the tears from her eyes. She bowed to the boys and their manager led Dongwoo's parents over to the front desk in the lobby.

They all let out a collective sigh, "She gives me anxiety," Chansik shuddered.

Sunwoo stood with an unsure expression, Junghwan looked on edge, and Jinyoung was looking down at his book.

"Jinyoung, how did you do that!?" Junghwan asked shockingly.

Jinyoung shrugged, "I just told her that he was going to be okay and we will help her if she needs it," he said, avoiding everyone's gazes. Sunwoo threw his arms up in disbelief because it didn't work when he told her that.

"Hey, wait I thought you went to the store," Sunwoo said, trying to get over his betrayal.

Chansik turned to him, "Oh..yeah. We walked out of the building, but that's when Dongwoo’s mother attacked me." Sunwoo raised an eyebrow. It was weird, but he honestly believed it and nodded.

They all stood silently, not one of them making a sound, when their manager walked up to them.

"...How is he?" Sunwoo dared to ask.

Their manager sighed and put a hand to his forehead, "He's still in surgery. Luckily, it's almost done and they'll be finished in about an hour. They just have to clean up and take care of a few things," he said exhaustingly.

Junghwan spoke up, "...Did they tell you anything...that was wrong with him?" He asked hesitantly.

Their manager shook his head, "No. The doctor will come out and tell us everything after they're done with the surgery.” He looked at them, noticing Jinyoung avoiding eye contact with his head down. He shook his head, "For now, you guys, just go eat."

He sighed and walked over to Dongwoo's parents. He gestured for them to sit down and followed suit.

The boys stood there in deafening silence. They should be happy that Dongwoo's alive, but instead they feel awful because he's not okay. He’s hurt. Badly. 

Chansik stumbled, "Oh..I don't feel good," he said, rubbing his head.

"Let's go sit down then," Sunwoo said, breaking the silence. Everybody moved slowly, not being able to react very much. Whatever joy or distraction they had earlier was gone as they arrived back at the cafeteria.

Sunwoo went to go grab food for everyone, seeing as he was the only one that could at the moment. 

"Have you been able to contact your parents?" Junghwan asked after staying silent for awhile.

Jinyoung looked up and then shook his head, "No, I haven't tried. I don't think the hospital has tried either. Anyways, I lost my phone and it's probably broken, too," he sighed. "What about you?"

"Nope, my phone's broken," Junghwan said, taking his phone out of his pocket and placing it on the table.

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, "Wait. You're phone's broken?" Junghwan nodded.

"Then, why were you pretending to be on it earlier?" Jinyoung looked at Junghwan as if he was crazy.

The younger's face turned completely red, "Shut up! I was trying to look busy!!”

Jinyoung died a little bit.


	12. You Can't Fix Glass That Has Already Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Contains description of car accident and injuries

Sunwoo returned to the table to see a wheezing Jinyoung, a smiling Chansik, and an embarrassed Junghwan.

"It's not even that funny. I don't know why you're laughing!" 

Jinyoung continued to laugh as tears began coming out of his eyes.

"What!!" Junghwan threw his arms up once Jinyoung started crying.

After several minutes of crying, Jinyoung finally calmed down, only receiving a few stares from around them. They decided they would finally be able to eat without anymore interruptions.

The silent façade swept over once again and they began to feel the pits in their stomachs again. Their appetites started to vanish as the food on their plates didn't decrease.

They sat there for a long time. Time passed by slowly as everybody had the same thought on their minds.

Not any one of them had eaten much food when their manager walked up to them and told them to come to the lobby.

"Is he out!?" Sunwoo asked and everyone's head immediately perked up.

"Yes, come on! The doctor is waiting!" He gestured for them to follow him.

Instantaneously, everybody scrambled out of their seats and Jinyoung grew tense in his. They all hurried to the lobby and met Dongwoo's parents and the doctor.

Dr. Kyo raised his eyebrows at the group quickly approaching him. He gave an empathetic smile to them.

"How is he!?" Sunwoo ran up to the doctor.

He gently held up his hands, "I think you should all take a moment and sit down.” He said, changing to a stern expression.

They gave him a worried look and seemed as they all wanted to say something to protest, but they obliged. Dr. Kyo appeared more calm after they weren't all in his face.

"Well, I'll start off with that it was a successful surgery. It was a long and difficult process, but Mr. Shin is fine right now." They all sighed in relief.

"What happened to him to make it a 13 hour surgery?" Mrs. Shin asked sharply. Dongwoo's father grabbed her hand gently and she avoided eye contact with everyone.

Dongwoo's mother looked just like her son. She had his eyes, his nose, his lips, his cheeks... She even resembled him through her actions, like how she didn't look you in the eye when she spoke or how she would subconsciously bite her lip when nervous. 

But personality wise, she appeared to be the complete opposite. She was loud and bold. It seems that Dongwoo took more after his father, who was more quiet and reserved.

"Well, he did receive many injuries. He did need over two pints of blood, just to stabilize him, since he lost so much. He won't be able to remember the accident at all from blood loss," he said. "The way that the car took the impact was at an odd angle. It seemed as he was trying to move out of the way of the truck. He turned the car, but was still going forward at the same time from the water on the road. It was at a fast speed and the crumple zone of the car took the impact that it could. The safety cage of the car got hit after that. It's made so that it keeps the passengers safe, which can also be a disadvantage. Since it does not break as easily, it does not absorb the energy of the shock. This caused the glass of the windows to shatter. He received a cut very close to his left eye, but fortunately, there's no damage to it. He managed to get a few cuts from the glass, but they're not deep or serious." Dr. Kyo explained and sighed. Everyone was staring at him with panicked expressions.

"His injuries are actually quite surprising from how bad the car accident was, so he is very lucky. He broke his left arm and hand from hitting the car door. His ulna snapped and he broke his hand. He broke his right leg, as well. It was clean fracture, so there's nothing to worry about too much there."

"Is that all?" Their manager asked, glancing over to the boys. They looked devastated and as if they were about to break down.

Dr. Kyo sighed, "No. Since the impact was mostly on the safety cage, his left leg basically shattered on impact, leaving it broken beyond repair."

Everyone's eyes widened and their breaths hitched.

"So, what are you saying?" Jinyoung spoke up with a shaking voice. 

"We had to amputate his leg."


	13. If the Snow Falls

_"Do you hear me?"_

_The soft breeze blew through the trees, the leaves rustling gently, the sound calming._

_I woke up and found myself lying on the grass. It was soft and surprisingly comfortable. I rubbed my eyes to try to rid of the sleepiness and trailed my eyes down to my legs._

_They were okay?_

_I quickly rolled up my pants and saw that my leg was completely fine. It wasn't bleeding and there wasn't even a scratch. I pulled my pant legs back down and leaned back on my hands. My eyes soon started to become heavy and I slowly closed them. Feeling sleepy again, I lied back down onto the grass._

_"Do you hear me?"_

_My eyes shot open and I sat up abruptly. What was that? Did I just hear a voice? I looked around to see if someone was near._

_"Why don't you know my heart? It's heart, it's not true."_

_I hesitantly got to my feet with a worried look on my face. I was standing in a large opening in the middle of a forest. The voice echoed throughout the area._

_"Baby, I've been loving you.."_

_I whipped my head to the right. It seemed to be coming from that direction. I reluctantly took a step forward and began walking slowly._

_I made my way to where opening ended and the woods began. Pushing back branches and stepping over plants, I stumbled my way through._

_"Baby, I've been loving you."_

_I peered around a bush at the end of the forest. My eyes widened when I saw a big, white RV standing in the middle of another clearing._

_"Dreaming of you being next to me."_

_I shook my head and brushed a few leaves out of my hair. The voice got louder as I stepped forward. I tried to look around the vehicle to see if anyone was there, until I noticed a ladder._

_"Dreaming of you being in my arms."_

_It was coming from the top of the RV. I nervously brushed my bangs and grabbed the ladder softly._

_"I'm happy that I can see you in my dreams."_

_I quickly began climbing up, however, I stopped once I reached the top._

_Someone was sitting there, their feet hanging off the edge. The wind was softly blowing through their hair and they were swinging their legs._

_"Don't you know how sad I am?"_

_I quietly took a step onto the roof, which ended up not being quiet, and it echoed. The person stopped singing and turned around to face me._

_My eyes widened, "Dongwoo?"_

_I was met back with soft, gray eyes, that instantly lit up._

_"Jinyoungie!"_

_He gestured for me to come sit next to him. I furrowed my eyebrows and slowly complied. I sat down next to him, being cautious of the edge._

_Dongwoo didn't say anything. He closed his eyes and let the breeze blow through his hair. He seemed so calm and relaxed._

_"...I..I heard your singing earlier," I said softly._

_He turned to me and smiled, "Really? Did you like it?" He asked excitedly._

_I nodded, which he hummed in response to._

_Dongwoo suddenly stood up, seeing that he actually had two legs this time. He held his hand out to me._

_"Everything is a dream," he began to sing._

_I hesitantly took his hand and he pulled me up. This wasn't going to be demonic, right? I stood in front of him and he didn't let go of my hand, but instead, he grabbed my other one, as well. If something happens, looks like I'm stuck..._

_He slowly began dancing, moving me along with him. His gray eyes gave off a soft gaze as he smiled at me. It was gentle though, surprisingly, it wasn't scary._

_"Come into my arms, in reality."_

_It was weird, but it was actually so relieving. It wasn't anything like before. Everything was so calm, except for my heart beat racing 600 miles an hour._

_"You in front of me, are you an illusion?"_

_I looked up at Dongwoo when he stopped dancing. I felt my cheeks grow red as he pulled me closer. Our faces were a few inches apart and our eyes were locked._

_I didn't miss the change of his sparkling eyes back to their normal warm, brown color when he whispered, "I'm sorry, goodbye," twice, as he left his cool breath across my lips._


	14. Everything Will Be Okay (I Hope)

Everyone sat in the lobby. Dongwoo's parents had left, staying the night at a nearby hotel. Mrs. Shin had gone ballistic on the doctor when he told her the news. She was yelling and crying at the man and her husband had to drag her out of the building.

They all sat still and quiet. Chansik was resting his head on Junghwan's lap. He claimed his head hurt and the older was playing with his hair. 

They went out earlier and got Dongwoo a 'Get Well Soon' gift, all but Jinyoung, who refused to leave the hospital. Sunwoo held all the cards they made and Jinyoung was squeezing the stuffed bear they bought for him. 

Meanwhile, their manager had walked into another room because he had to make many phone calls about the accident. They learned that the driver of the semi-truck had been drunk that night. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt and didn't survive the crash. He was thrown around in his vehicle when it tipped over and hit the ground hard.

They were going to have to go to court, but hopefully it wouldn't be a difficult case. But for now, that was the least of their worries.

"Hey, Channie, why does your head hurt so badly?" Junghwan asked after the younger had groaned. Chansik didn't say anything and just shrugged.

Sunwoo turned to the two and furrowed his eyebrows, "Yeah, and didn't you say that you didn't feel good yesterday?" Jinyoung turned to look at the two.

Chansik adjusted his mask and rubbed his cast, "Um, it's nothing really," he said anxiously.

"Are you getting sick?" Junghwan asked, feeling the youngest's forehead as it was getting hot.

Chansik wasn't making eye contact with anyone and looked off to the side. Everyone was starting to get worried for him.

"Are you okay?" Sunwoo asked him, trying to get an answer out of him.

Chansik put his hands over his face and sighed. Everyone was basically hovering over him at this point and it was really uncomfortable.

"I...didn't want to tell you guys this..because...you're already so worried about..Dongwoo..." Everybody's eyes widened. Chansik took a deep breath, but his body was shaking.

"But, he lost..so much...blood," he paused and pulled his sleeve up to his elbow. There was a white bandage wrapped around his forearm, the skin around it was beginning to bruise. “A-and they didn't..have enough, so..I had to..donate mine..so he could...l-live," he finished as tears were leaking out of his eyes.

It was silent and everyone was lost for words. Sunwoo and Junghwan stared at each other with widened eyes. Sunwoo looked over to Jinyoung and his jaw dropped in shock.

Jinyoung was crying. Sunwoo froze and looked back at Junghwan with a panicked expression. Their leader doesn't cry very often and it's the first time he has cried since the accident. Junghwan started back at him, completely hopeless. He didn't know what to do. 

"..Jinyoung?" Sunwoo asked and the other lowered his head. He looked at Junghwan and got up and kneeled next to Jinyoung. He wrapped his arm around his shoulders in attempt to comfort him.

Chansik wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and turned his head to the crying leader.

He looked up to Junghwan, "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you!"

Junghwan looked back up at Jinyoung and Sunwoo, feeling overwhelmed.

"Jinyoung, what's wrong?" Sunwoo asked softly.

The oldest began to sob. He covered his mouth to try to block the sound. Sunwoo looked back over to Junghwan, seeing as he couldn't do anything. Chansik wiped his eyes and sat up, wincing from his headache. Then, he slowly got up and kneeled on the other side of Jinyoung.

Chansik grabbed his hand, "Jinyoung, I'm sorry that I broke our promise and that I went back on what I wanted you to do. I didn't want you to be like this because I know everything that happened has been hurting you," he said softly. 

Jinyoung faced the youngest, "But it's going to be okay, because Dongwoo's okay, and we're going to be okay. Whatever happens will happen for a reason. It’s going to work out," he said, voice trembling.

Jinyoung softly shook his head and wiped his eyes, "I just..feel guilty," he said quietly, suddenly becoming nervous.

"Why? For what?" Chansik questioned.

"I just feel...like it's my fault for the acci-"

"It's not your fault! Why would you even think that!?" Sunwoo interrupted. He almost looked angry. Jinyoung looked down at the stuffed bear sitting in his lap, noticing his fingers were shaking. 

"I just feel like I distracted him a-and he couldn't see..th-the-"

"You didn't distract him. If anything, I distracted him by causing noise in the back. He had his eyes on the road the whole time. The truck was speeding and it just happened too fast," Junghwan assured.

"I just..can't help it..I can't get over it," Jinyoung said in disbelief. "Even if you try to convince me, I don't know if I can change what I think. I still feel guilty.” He felt the other’s worried looks soften.

“I...guess I have this..fear that Dongwoo's going to blame me," he said softly.

"He wouldn't do that," Chansik comforted, relaxing his gaze.

"I'm just worried that it might happen and it would affect our and B1A4's relationship," he sighed.

"We're going to see him today. You can ask him then," Chansik smiled. "He's not going to blame you."

He then grabbed his forehead, "But, first, I have to lay down again, my head's killing me," he said, resting back down onto Junghwan's lap. Sunwoo lightly patted Jinyoung's back and sat back down in his chair.

Jinyoung looked down at the stuffed bear and softly smiled. He was so lucky to have such caring band members and such great friends. Maybe Chansik was right, everything would be okay.


	15. Wake Me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Contains descriptions of injuries 

The boys sat in the lobby, quietly chatting. Chansik's headache was getting better and they were all anxious to see Dongwoo.

Mr. and Mrs. Shin walked into the lobby. They looked like completely different people. Dongwoo's mother was completely relaxed today, while his father seemed very serious, almost angry. They made their way over to where the boys were sitting and Mrs. Shin smiled and greeted them.

It was actually really odd for the boys to look at Mrs. Shin because she just looked so much like Dongwoo. They were surprised that they haven't accidentally called her by his name, yet.

She was carrying a bag with her, that she placed on the ground, "I brought something for you all. Is anyone hungry?" She asked and Junghwan immediately perked up, eyeing the bag.

Mrs. Shin laughed and passed out the snacks she brought. Nobody had realized how hungry they were until they saw the food. However, they would have to wait until later to eat because they couldn't take off their face masks in the lobby. 

She was obviously in a much better mood than yesterday, talking to the boys and smiling, but her husband was not. He only seemed annoyed.

Their manager eventually came back and greeted Dongwoo's parents. He seemed tired from all the phone calls and sat down. He accepted the food that Mrs. Shin insisted that he took from her.

He told the boys that the car accident was on the news, which receive surprised looks. He said that everybody knows that they were involved in it and that there was one fatality. But, it wasn't specified, which left fans to panic. He asked the news to not interview them yet, as they are not ready or comfortable for that, so that no one would show up at the hospital. However, fans are panicked from the pictures of the accident on the news, and maybe posting something quick on Twitter or Instagram would be a good idea.

The boys were worried, but they nodded in agreement. They would do it after they see Dongwoo, though.

Mrs. Shin began to talk to their manager, asking many questions, as she wasn't completely sure of what was happening.

Jinyoung leaned back in his chair. He had his lyric book with him and opened it. He was confused by his dream the night before because it wasn't scary. Dongwoo's eyes were brighter, they were both completely fine, it was such an odd location, and Dongwoo tried to...uhm...yeah, never mind.

He flipped to the page where he had the lyrics Dongwoo sang earlier. He wrote them after he woke up, so he wouldn't forget them. He began to write and draw little pictures next to them. He was sitting in front of the members so people could sit in the chairs next to them and so that they wouldn't see what he was he was doing. He would be so embarrassed if they saw the drawings of him and Dongwoo. Of course, that left people behind him to see them, but they didn't know who he was, so he didn't care. The sketches weren't very big anyways. 

Jinyoung looked up when he heard the sound of Dr. Kyo's voice. The doctor was standing in front of them and was greeting them.

"Mr. Shin should be awake any moment now. If you would like to come visit him, you may follow me," he smiled.

Everybody scrambled to their feet with anxious excitement. Jinyoung quickly closed his book and placed it on his lap, underneath the stuffed bear. He was so happy that Dongwoo would finally wake up. He hadn't seen him in two days and he missed him. 

Sunwoo pushed his wheelchair to the elevator, that was luckily big enough for all of them to cram into. Dr. Kyo warned them that Dongwoo won't be able to remember the accident before they barge in there and go off about it.

When they arrived in the right floor, he doctor led them down the hallway. His room was at the end. Jinyoung felt his excitement turn into anxiety. He was worried about Dongwoo's injuries, what he would look like, if he would even remember him...

He felt his chest grow tight once they reached the door. All the other members felt it, too. They became nervous, but tried to keep their smiles that were hidden underneath their masks. Mrs. Shin looked impatient and Mr. Shin kept his serious expression.

The doctor opened the door and peeked his head in, "He's still sleeping," he said, putting a finger over his lips, indicating for them to be quiet.

They all nodded and Dongwoo's mother sighed anxiously. Dr. Kyo held the door open and they were all met with the sight of Dongwoo laying in a bed, hooked up to multiple machines. 

He had a few bandages on his face, along with a couple of stitches near his left eye. He had a cast on his left arm, only leaving his fingers free. His arm was covered in other bandages from cuts from the glass of the windows. Any other injuries were hidden underneath his blanket.

He looked peaceful as he slept. His eyes were softly shut and mouth was ever so slightly opened.

Mrs. Shin put a hand over her mouth as she gasped. Her eyes began to water as she walked over to her son.

"Oh...my baby boy..." She said softly, brushing his longer hair back, away from his face. 

The doctor brought over a chair for her to sit in and began grabbing other chairs to place around the bed. He led the others into the room and to the chairs.

They were all as heartbroken as Dongwoo's mother. They stared at him in shock and worry. They all slowly sat down into the chairs, not taking their eyes off Dongwoo.

Dr. Kyo closed the door and covered the window, so no one would be able to see inside. The boys took off their hoods, face masks, and sunglasses.

Dongwoo's mother gently took his hand and gently caressed it. She placed her hand on his face and softly rubbed his cheek.

His eyes started to move, opening very slowly. He blinked multiple times, squinting from the brightness. The room became silent. Jinyoung gently put a hand over his mouth, while Sunwoo naturally placed his over Junghwan's to keep him quiet.

He felt something on the left side of his face and trailed his eyes down to it. Realizing it was a hand, he looked to where it came from.

"Mom?" He croaked.

His mother began crying, tears pouring down her face. Dongwoo immediately looked panicked and confused. She grabbed the side of his face and kissed his cheek.

"Where am I? Why are you here?" He asked.

His mother wiped her eyes and softly grabbed his broken hand. He looked down to his hand with confusion.

"Honey, you were in a car accident," she said softly. Dongwoo's eyes widened in shock and he stared at his hand.

"It's okay. You're okay," she said gently, brushing his hair back.

"Jinyoung," he whispered, not even moving his mouth and turned his head to the right.

His eyelids lowered when he saw Jinyoung. He smiled from his place in his wheelchair. Dongwoo's jaw slightly dropped and he blinked away his tears. He tightened his right hand into a fist.

Next to Jinyoung was Sunwoo, who seemed okay, but he then noticed his wrist brace. Then Junghwan, seeing that he had crutches lying against the wall. To the left of Junghwan was Chansik, who had a broken arm.

Dongwoo let his head fall back against the pillow. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

His mother began to brush his hair back again, which he found calming. It helped clear his head. He trailed his gaze past his mother, where his father was sitting. He deadpanned and looked the other way. It was subtle, but didn't go unnoticed by the members, who gave each other weird looks. Dongwoo then shifted awkwardly in his bed, obviously uncomfortable.

Dr. Kyo decided to break the silence and walked over. He explained to him that the accident was caused by a drunk driver in bad weather conditions. He said the bad injuries were from high speed, slippery roads, and the angle of the car on impact. 

"Miraculously, it doesn't seem you have any head trauma or injury, except for some cuts on your face and a few deeper ones on your forehead. Which is very good, but also extremely rare in bad car accidents," he went over to the computer to show them the X-rays they took. 

"You do have a lot of bruising on the left side of your body, so please be careful when you try to move," Dr. Kyo said with a small smile. Dongwoo softly nodded.

"In your left arm, your ulna snapped at upper part near your wrist. You're lucky that your elbow is not broken and it's just bruised. It would have taken a longer time to heal and having mobility of it would be very useful for you right now," he then gestured over the another part of the screen. "And then in your hand, you broke the metacarpals of your pinky and ring finger. I recommend for you to try not to use your left hand, as moving your fingers may worsen the injury."

He went back to the computer and pulled up the X-ray of his right leg, "This is an X-ray of your right leg. It was unusual because the dashboard seemed to have pushed onto your leg. Same with Mr. Jung, here," he said. Dongwoo turned to Jinyoung again, who gently smiled at him. He noticed that he only had one leg in a cast and felt a pang in his chest at the sight. 

"Your leg broke right in the middle. It's a simple fracture, meaning a clean cut, and there's just a lot of bruising on your leg," he said, going back to the computer.

"Your left leg was a very interesting break. I have never seen anything like it. It was as if it was a combination of a compound fracture and a comminuted fracture," Dr. Kyo explained. He pulled up the X-ray they took and the tension in the room changed. Everyone grit their teeth and cringed at the sight of it, just imagining the pain Dongwoo went through. It looked worse than the doctor had explained.

Dongwoo felt everyone's eyes on him. He began to feel a little uncomfortable, as well as a dull pain under his knee. He looked at his mother, who gave him a sympathetic look.

"So, your leg kind of acted as it was glass and basically shattered," he said, demonstrating with his hands. Dongwoo's eyes widened and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Some big pieces of your bone went through your skin and caused it to bleed. Your skin also received large gashes on the front. You lost a lot of blood very quickly, which was endangering your life," he stated.

Dongwoo looked up at him, "So, what happened?" He asked hesitantly as the pain started to become more intense.

"Your leg would have been extremely difficult to repair and we were running out of time. We chose the quickest option and the best decision for you."

Dongwoo felt a lump growing in his throat.

"And we amputated your leg," Dr. Kyo said.

Dongwoo's body tensed and he stared at the doctor with wide eyes. He felt his mother put a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him to lie down, to try to get him to stay calm. His heart beat increased and he felt his hands begin to shake. He pushed his head back into his pillow and closed his eyes tightly. He felt his mother move her hand to rest it on his left thigh. 

"I understand that this is difficult for you, but it was the only choice to save your life." He paused. "It was right below the knee and a prosthetic is an option."

Dongwoo appeared to be frustrated, but inside he wasn't. He was scared, terrified. He felt a soft hand lightly rest on top of his right. Instinctively, he grabbed onto it.

Jinyoung noticed Dongwoo's shaking hand. He used to shake when he got nervous before going on stage after their debut, especially for a music show. He would even cry after each performance. And he wouldn't really allow the members to help him. He wasn't really one to be all touchy-touchy with people because it made him uncomfortable. Over the years, he grew more confident and overcame his fear, in everything really. He wasn't as shy as he used to be and learned to not be frightened of things like that. He grew closer to people and started to allow people to touch and hug him. Eventually, the physical contact was what began to comfort him, making him feel safe. It helped him and he hasn't felt like that in such a long time. But right now, he was scared. A horrid feeling that had returned and left Dongwoo vulnerable. So, Jinyoung reached out to touch his hand to see if he would like contact. Surprised when the other immediately grabbed his hand, he wrapped his fingers around his when the grip tightened. 

He creased his eyebrows in frustration and let out a deep breath. Not only did his chest feel tight, but the pain worsened in his leg and felt like it was pulsing. There was so much pressure. Everything was so overwhelming and the only escape seemed to simply fall asleep. And so, he did.


	16. Heating Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mentions of injuries and implied alcoholism

Everybody thought they would be happy after seeing Dongwoo. Maybe they thought that everything would be okay. Just maybe. 

Once Dongwoo fell asleep, Chansik burst into tears again. The others couldn’t blame him. Junghwan led him out of the room, so he wouldn't disturb anyone. Their manager received another call and had to go to the police station, taking Sunwoo with to be questioned again. Mr. Shin disappeared out of the room without a word, so that just left Mrs. Shin, Jinyoung, and resting Dongwoo.

Dongwoo's mother was gently brushing his hair with her fingers as he slept. She looked over to Jinyoung, who was still sitting next to the other side of the bed. He had taken out his lyric book awhile ago and was working silently. She watched him work, until he looked up and found her staring at him. Her eyes crinkled as she smiled.

"You know Dongwoo talks about you all the time, right?" She chuckled.

Jinyoung slightly blushed and raised an eyebrow, "He does?" Mrs. Shin smiled and nodded.

"He really admires you, Jinyoung," she went back to brushing the sleeping boy's hair. "He'll text me sometimes about something silly that the two of you did," she chuckled. “It’s really sweet.”

Jinyoung smiled and she continued, "He'll talk to me about your upcoming albums and the songs that you composed and he'll just go on forever about it," she smiled, laughing to herself.

"He really said that?" Jinyoung asked in disbelief with a large grin on his face.

Mrs. Shin hummed and nodded in response, "You really make him happy. Thank you for that," her expression softened. "It's nice to see that he's happy doing what he loves. Music has always been his only stress reliever and it's good to see him continuing a passion that he's had since he was young."

Jinyoung pursed his lips and looked over at Dongwoo, who slightly shifted in his sleep. Mrs. Shin returned the expression to Jinyoung.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this. I really am. You don't deserve it at all and it should have never happened," she said. Jinyoung tried to assure her that she shouldn't feel bad, but she shook her head and continued. "I'm also sorry for how I acted yesterday. It was completely inappropriate and not polite at all."

Jinyoung gave her a concerned look, "It's not your fault," he said. "You were upset."

She shook her head softly, "I still had no right to do that. I just couldn't believe the news when I found out," Jinyoung gently nodded.

"I also feel bad because if Dongwoo saw me like that, oh, I don't know what he would do. I feel like it would hurt him," she said closing her eyes, almost as in pain.

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

Mrs. Shin opened her eyes and softly gazed at the boy. She sighed, "Dongwoo doesn't exactly have a close relationship with his father. He thinks he drinks more than he should and they've always conflicted about that," she shook her head. "Even from a young age, he's always thought that."

Jinyoung stared at her with an intense gaze. He had never heard about this.

"He always came to me when he needed support. So, to see me screaming like that might scare him. He's very sensitive, you know," she said, looking off to the side. Jinyoung nodded in agreement. 

"But, seeing as he has you boys there for him, I think he'll be okay. You're all really good friends with him," she said gazing back at Jinyoung. "You'll all pull through and you'll come back stronger than ever."

The younger raised his eyebrows and then smiled. He nodded at the woman and thanked her.

"You're a good friend," she smiled.

Mrs. Shin then stood up from her chair, "Well, thank you for staying with me Jinyoung. You're nice to talk to," she grinned. "I have to go find my husband. I'll come back later." 

Jinyoung smiled softly as she left the room. Unknowing to him, Dongwoo opened his eyes and peered over at him.

"You know my mother's insane right?" 

Jinyoung jumped in his chair and let out a yelp that sounded like it shouldn't have come out of a man.

"Oh my god, you scared me!" He stared at Dongwoo with wide eyes, panting. The older looked at him half-lidded.

While Jinyoung was trying to get his breathing under control, Dongwoo closed his eyes. Once he heard that he wasn't taking anymore deep breaths, he looked back over to the boy.

Jinyoung was now looking down at his hands in his lap. He still blamed himself for the accident and his chest felt heavy. He still felt guilty.

"Jinyoung?" The younger looked at the older once he called his name and blinked.

He softly shook his head, "How are you..?" He asked hesitantly.

Dongwoo stared at him and then slightly shrugged. He could easily tell something was bothering Jinyoung.

"I feel better than two days ago," he forced a smile and then relaxed his face. "Physically," he added.

Jinyoung pursed his lips and nodded. Everybody was a mess. He didn’t expect him to be fine.

"And you?" He asked.

Jinyoung shrugged, "A lot has happened," Dongwoo nodded. "Your mom made an interesting entrance."

Dongwoo rolled his eyes, "Of course she did," he sighed. "She blew her head off screaming?" 

"Were you awake when we were talking?" Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows.

"Well, yes, but she always does that even when she says she doesn't," he said blatantly. "Don't believe anything she says about herself or my dad. She has no idea what she's talking about."

"Is she lying?" Jinyoung asked.

"Oh, no, no," he chuckled lightly. "She's just oblivious to everything. Like she doesn't even know tha-" he cut off his sentence. "...Nevermind."

Jinyoung stared at Dongwoo with a worried gaze, "What?" He asked confused.

The older shook his head, "It's not important."

It obviously was important. Dongwoo looked uncomfortable. He winced and his fingers were fidgeting. Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at the other, who then looked away. As he was about to say something, the door opened.

Dr. Kyo walked in and greeted the two boys. He then walked over to the bed.

"I hope you had a nice rest," he said calmly, while checking his fluids.

Dongwoo didn't answer. He looked down to the end of the bed and took in a deep breath. 

"I know it's only been a few hours, but we'll need to change your bandages and double check your stitches," the doctor informed the boy, receiving no reaction from him, but a slight nod from Jinyoung.

When Dr. Kyo walked to the end of the bed, Dongwoo turned his head away. Jinyoung looked down at him and saw that he was averting his gaze from his legs. He pursed his lips and then hesitated, before slowly reaching out to grab the other's hand. Dongwoo looked down to their hands and he relaxed. He looked back up to Jinyoung, who gave him a soft smile.

Dongwoo had been acting different since the accident, not that anyone could blame him, but he wasn't himself. He seemed empty and exhausted. It was like he was a completely different person. I guess that's how they all appeared to be, though.

Dongwoo softly closed his eyes and he let out a breath. Jinyoung then looked over at the doctor, who was pushing back the blanket. Out of curiosity, Jinyoung wanted to see.

Dr. Kyo gently pushed back the blanket up to the top of Dongwoo's cast. He checked over the cast and the position of his leg, so it would heal correctly. When the doctor was finished with Dongwoo's right leg, he moved to his left leg. Dongwoo closed his eyes and Jinyoung leaned closer in his seat.

Dr. Kyo pushed the blanket back and Jinyoung trailed his eyes down to right below Dongwoo's knee. Where his leg ended.

When the doctor rested his hand on Dongwoo's leg, he tightened his grip on Jinyoung's hand. Dr. Kyo began unwrapping the bandages around his leg. Dongwoo scrunched his face and continued to squeeze Jinyoung's hand until he swore his fingers were turning blue. 

He relaxed his grip once the doctor finished removing the bandages. Jinyoung then tightened his grip on the other's hand to try to regain his circulation.

The doctor gently placed his hands onto Dongwoo's leg, but instantly removed them when he flinched.

"Does it hurt?" He asked softly. Dongwoo weakly nodded, his eyes still closed and his eyebrows creased tightly.

"The anesthesia must have worn off. There's also a bit of swelling," Dr. Kyo said, taking a closer look at the stitching. "It's probably best to take a weaker type of pain medicine. There are a lot of drugs going through your body right now, and we don't want too much. How long have you been in pain?"

Dongwoo slowly opened his eyes and peered over at the doctor, "...I woke up from the pain...so, since this morning..." He muttered.

Dr. Kyo raised an eyebrow. He had been in pain for that long? He was really good at hiding it, but he also didn't tell anyone..

He began to wrap Dongwoo's leg with fresh bandages while Dongwoo rested back onto the pillow and closed his eyes.

"I'll be right back with some medicine," he said, quietly leaving the room.

Jinyoung turned to Dongwoo, who let out a breath exaggeratively. He felt the grip on his hand loosen slightly. The older raised his broken hand up to his forehead and faced the other boy.

"Jinyoung. I'm sorry."

"Huh? What do yo-"

"You know what I mean," he said guiltily, cutting Jinyoung off. "About everything. If I would have listened to you, o-or if I would have just pulled over when I first saw the truck, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"But it wasn't you fau-" Dongwoo cut him off again.

"It was my fault! I could have prevented that accident. I could have saved us from getting hurt, but I didn't," he creased his eyebrows with frustration. "I made everybody worry and now my parents are dragged into this and you have to deal with the-"

"Dongwoo." 

He looked over to Jinyoung, who interrupted his rambling, "It's okay, it's not your fault. No one's mad at you and it's okay. Accidents happen and we learn from them. Right now, it's alright." 

Jinyoung finished quickly and gazed gently at Dongwoo who was now, oh wait. Is he crying?

Tears leaked out of the older's eyes and soon enough, he was sobbing.

"No, no, wait! What's wrong!?" Jinyoung panicked, not sure what to do. The last time he saw Dongwoo cry was after they won their first award, three years ago. The only response he received were Dongwoo's continuous cries.

Jinyoung pushed himself up and out of his wheelchair, putting pressure on the leg that wasn't wrapped in a cast. It still hurt, but it subsided once he sat down on the side of Dongwoo's bed.

He usually wasn't so much of a touchy person, but Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Dongwoo and hugged him. The boy latched onto him, burrowing his face into his chest, and just cried. Jinyoung tried to calm him down by rubbing his back and softly repeating reassuring words.

Once, his sobs lightened up, Jinyoung gently made Dongwoo lay back down. He put his hands on his cheeks and wiped away the remaining tears with his thumbs.

"J-Jin-young, I-I'm scared," he stuttered, tears still flowing out of his eyes.

Jinyoung felt a pang in his chest at those words. Like someone just punched his heart and it was literally breaking. He brushed the hair out of Dongwoo's eyes and then grabbed his hands tightly. 

"What are you scared about?" Jinyoung asked gently, rubbing his hands with his thumbs. Dongwoo's shoulders were shaking and he tried to hide his face with his hair that hanged in front.

"A-about B1A4...about a-all of us. I'm scared of e-everything," he choked out. "Just, look what happened to us. W-who knows if we're going to get better. I might...not b-be able to...walk again a-and this accident c-could have just ruined our lives!" He nearly shouted, tightening his grip on Jinyoung's hands.

Jinyoung felt even worse now than he did before, but he couldn't allow himself to break down in front of Dongwoo. He gave a reassuring squeeze back to him and blinked back any tears that were coming.

"Dongwoo, I know that we're going through a really hard time right now, but you're convincing yourself that all of the consequences will be bad," the older boy looked up at him.

"I know you're scared, we all are. But, we all have each other and we can get through this. Soon enough, we'll be back on stage like we were never even gone. Just try to tell yourself that. I know we'll come back better than we were before," Dongwoo wiped his eyes.

"You'll get through this. You'll be okay. I know it. You're really strong, even if you don't think you are. That's something that not everyone has," Jinyoung smiled, masking the heavy feeling that was in his chest. The tight grip on his hands loosened.

Dongwoo's eyes were wide and a faint smile slowly appeared on his face. Relief waved over Jinyoung and he relaxed his tensed shoulders. 

"Thank you...Jinyoung," Dongwoo said resting his gaze down on their clasped hands and back up to the younger's face. 

Jinyoung's eyes flickered down to their intertwined fingers. He looked back at Dongwoo, who seemed to be getting closer. Or, it was Jinyoung that was getting closer.

He couldn't process what he was doing. Even when he saw Dongwoo's eyes flutter shut and he felt his breath on his lips. Jinyoung felt his own eyes become heavy until he jumped back from the other. They both looked over at the door and saw that the doctor had returned.

"I was able to get some mild painkillers that won't harm you from all the other medicine that's already in your system," the doctor rambled on.

The throbbing pain in Dongwoo's leg had gone away, as all the blood had rushed to his cheeks, leaving them a bright red.

Jinyoung seemed spaced out since the doctor walked in until he trailed his gaze over to Dongwoo. His cheeks immediately flushed as he finally realized what almost happened.

"Are you two alright? Is it too hot in here?" Dr. Kyo asked, concerned as both of their cheeks were flaming red.

"Oh yeah. It's hot in here."


	17. In Dreams

There was a voice.

That’s all I could hear. It would come and then disappear. But when I could hear it, it sounded so..familiar. It was nice.

Until it kept on screaming.

My vision was cloudy. It was like I was wearing dark, almost opaque, sunglasses, or my eyes had a filter over them that I wasn’t able to see past.

I couldn’t see anything clearly. Blurry figures were like light in the darkness. Especially the one with that voice.

It was screaming my name.

That voice was so chilling, yet had such an odd sense of familiarity, that I didn’t seem to notice that I had somehow switched locations. Three times.

I couldn’t control my actions, I couldn’t control what I said, I didn’t have any idea what was happening. I just stared off into the darkness, trying to find that voice.

“Dongwoo?”

There it was!

"...I..I heard your singing earlier,” the voice said softly.

I stared off into space, trying to find where the source was, but I still couldn’t see anything. Then, I felt a hand grab mine.

"Everything is a dream," a voice began to sing. 

I hesitantly took the figure’s hand and stood up. I stood in front of them, who didn't let go of my hand, but instead, grabbed my other one, as well. 

I felt myself slowly begin dancing, moving me along with the owner of the voice. The darkness appeared to be a gray haze, now. It was like the more amount of time that I was near the voice, the more it pulled me out from the dark.

"Come into my arms, in reality."

I could see a faint outline of the figure. The gray cloud seemed to be getting lighter. It was fading away.

"You in front of me, are you an illusion?"

I looked up at the figure when we stopped dancing. I could see where its face was and I felt my cheeks grow red as I was pulled closer. Our faces were a few inches apart and I could tell from the outline of our eyes, our gazes were locked on each other.

There was a second when I could suddenly see clearly and I casted my eyes down to its lips, which whispered, “I'm sorry, goodbye.” My vision began to grow foggy again, but I looked up in time to see those familiar fox-like eyes staring back at me.

“I’m sorry, goodbye.”

Dongwoo jolted in his bed and his eyes snapped open. He quickly sat up and let out a shaky breath.

“Jinyoung.” He whispered, grasping at his hair, a blush forming on his cheeks.


	18. Broken Secrets

Dongwoo couldn’t fall back asleep that night. His dream and the events from yesterday kept replaying in his head on repeat. He didn’t understand it, he didn’t know what it was, or why he was having these dreams.

It didn’t make any sense. Why was it about Jinyoung!? He put both of his hands on his cheeks, gripping them, and groaned in frustration.

He sat up in his bed and looked in the empty room around him. He noticed a clock and noted that it was only 7:30. No one had come into his room yet, so it was quiet.

He spoke too soon, because there was then a knock on his door. It was his mother.

“Hi, Honey,” she smiled as she closed the door. He noticed that she carried a bag with her.

“What’s that?” He asked, gesturing to it. She walked over and sat in a chair next to his bed. 

“Well, I figured you must be bored sitting in here, so I went home and brought you a few things,” she said and Dongwoo raised an eyebrow.

She pulled out a couple of books, his laptop, and a pair of headphones he had left at home. 

“This should keep you occupied,” she smiled softly.

His lip twitched up into a small smile, “Thanks.”

His mother placed the items on a table by the bed. She then pulled out her phone.

“Your sister called. She’s been trying to make it over here, but she can’t take off and her boss won’t let her. How rude,” she scoffed. “Who is that heartless?”

Dongwoo softly chuckled, “It’s okay. She doesn’t have to come.”

His sister was currently working in the United States under some huge company. It’s really impressive, but her boss doesn’t have a soul and won’t let her fly back to Korea. Dongwoo decided it was okay because she didn’t need to lose her job for him.

“She wants to talk to you later, though. Probably tonight,” he nodded.

“And so does your father,” Dongwoo rolled his eyes and groaned.

“I don’t know what’s with the two of you, but this rivalry thing has gone on too long. You need to talk to him,” her voice was stern. Dongwoo grimaced.

“How’s that going to work? He doesn’t listen to me!” 

His mother furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at him, “Please. Just try.”

Dongwoo didn’t answer. Mrs. Shin stood up from her chair and headed towards the door.

“I’ll send him up. I’ll be waiting downstairs with your friends,” she said and then closed the door.

Dongwoo leaned further back into his pillow and groaned again. His mother didn’t understand him and his father. But, he didn’t want her to. He didn’t want to be the reason his parents split up, if they ever did.

He turned his head to see what his mom left him. There were two books on the table. He’s already read both of them, but he picked one up anyways, waiting for his dad’s arrival. 

There was a knock on the door about an hour after Dongwoo’s father had left the room. Jinyoung opened the door and noticed Dongwoo was sitting in his bed on his laptop with his headphones on. He looked deeply concentrated, so Jinyoung hesitated when he softly knocked on the door.

Dongwoo looked over to Jinyoung and took his headphones off, “I see you’re up now,” he smiled.

“Yeah. My leg doesn’t hurt anymore,” he grinned back, then scowling at Dongwoo, leaning forward on his crutches.

“That’s good,” Dongwoo had a soft smile, confused to what the boy was doing. He turned back to his computer and closed it. “So, what’s up?”

“What happened to your face?” Jinyoung blurted out, not even bothering to answer the question. 

“What?” Dongwoo jumped. 

“Your cheek. It’s red.”

Dongwoo reached up to touch his cheek. It was swollen. He hadn’t even noticed.

“Uh, I, uh, dropped my laptop...on my...face,” he stuttered nervously, heat rising to his cheeks. He straightened his back as he sat up in his bed.

Jinyoung just gave him the most judgmental look he could muster.

“You dropped your laptop. On your face?”

“Yeah. It’s happens a lot. A lot of people do it.”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, “Uh-huh. I do it all the time.” He said, not believing it. Dongwoo nodded firmly.

“...So, what’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. I thought I should let you know that Junghwan doesn’t need his crutches anymore and he’s walking fine,” he said as he sat down in a chair next to Dongwoo’s bed.

“Oh, that’s good. He got better fast.” He relaxed a little bit.

“Yeah. And also, your mom is going to be here in about 30 seconds, just warning you.” Jinyoung glowered.

Their heads turned when the door opened and Mrs. Shin walked in. 

“Oh look, she’s early,” he said blatantly, staring at a nonexistent watch on his wrist. 

“Good morning boys!” She said cheerfully, walking up to the bed.

“Hi mom,” Dongwoo gave a lazy smile.

Mrs. Shin had kept Jinyoung up all night. She wouldn’t stop talking to him. How could anyone have so much energy? She still seemed to carry it with her.

“I’m going to go back to the hotel. Call your father if you need anything because I’m going to take a nap,” she laughed.

“Mom, you didn’t have to stay last night,” Dongwoo had a worrying look.

“No! I had fun! Jinyoung kept me company!” She patted him on the shoulder. 

Jinyoung looked at Dongwoo half-lidded, which he received the same look from the other.

“Yeah, I love losing sleep.” Dongwoo snorted.

“I’m glad you had fun, then.” She smiled. Jinyoung almost choked.

“Okay, I’ll see you two later then!” And with that, she walked out.

“Okay. You’re right. Your mom’s completely oblivious,” Jinyoung said immediately as the door shut.

“I told you,” Dongwoo smirked.

He then burst out laughing.

“What!?”

“You’re so annoyed with her. It’s hilarious,” he wiped his eyes.

“Uuuugghhhh,” Jinyoung groaned. “How does she have so much energy?”

“You probably couldn’t tell, but she’s actually really tired.” 

“Oh my God.” Dongwoo laughed. “What’s she like when she’s completely awake then?!”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Dear God.”

“Sorry she kept you up all night,” he said, trying to contain a laugh.

Jinyoung grinned and rolled his eyes, “It’s fine. She had to talk to someone. Your dad was out,” He lightly chuckled.

Dongwoo’s laughter quickly faded and he hummed in response. “She still should have left you alone,” he softly chuckled.

Jinyoung’s smile faltered as he studied Dongwoo. He noticed that he had been acting differently. The older boy raised an eyebrow once he caught the other staring for too long. 

“Jinyoung?”

The boy’s eyes widened, “Hmm?” He shook his head.

“Is something wrong?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

Jinyoung pursed his lips, “Is your dad okay?” He asked hesitantly.

Dongwoo looked utterly confused, “What?”

Jinyoung hadn’t expected him to respond that way. “I-I mean, he’s been so quiet. I was just wondering if he was okay. You know, does he feel alright?”

“You know, Jinyoung, none of us ‘feel alright,’” he gave a lighthearted smile. 

Jinyoung knows Dongwoo was just trying to lighten the mood, but that comment physically pained him. He could see so much of his misery being hidden back by a wall, that it hurt him.

“Dongwoo...” He said softly with a dejected look on his face.

The older boy scowled, “You know what, I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have said that.” He looked down at his hands in his lap. 

He looked up when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He was met with Jinyoung’s soft gaze.

“You know I’m always here if you need anybody to talk to,” he said softly, almost worried.

Dongwoo stared back at him. He felt safe. Jinyoung’s gaze was so comforting. Yet, he still couldn’t find himself to tell him anything. 

Jinyoung relaxed when he saw Dongwoo give a genuine smile. 

“Thank you, Jinyoung.”


	19. Healing

“You want to start physical therapy already?!” Jinyoung practically shouted at the doctor.

Dr. Kyo had entered the room shortly after the two boys had their talk. He stood by the door and stared at Jinyoung, who looked like he was about to fall out of his chair.

“Yes. Only if Mr. Shin is up for it though,” he told them. “For amputees, it’s usually recommended to begin physical therapy in the first 24 hours after surgery. It makes the recovery a lot easier, but seeing as he has other injuries, he may choose to wait a little bit.”

“I’ll do it.”

Dr. Kyo and Jinyoung turned to Dongwoo with raised eyebrows. He sat up in his bed and stared at the doctor with an intense gaze.

“Well, alright then. For the next few weeks, we’ll just be doing basic physical therapy, since you will not be able to put weight on your right leg, yet, and try to get your strength back,” he smiled. “We’ll begin tomorrow.”

Once the doctor left the room, Jinyoung turned to Dongwoo and gave him a confused look.

“What?” 

“You...you were just so eager,” he squinted. 

Dongwoo averted his gaze, trying to decrease the awkward tension in the room, “I just...want things to go back to the way they were,” he took a deep breath. “As soon as possible.”

Jinyoung felt a pang in his chest at his words. He wished he could change things back to the way they were. He wished that this never happened. He wished Dongwoo didn’t have to be in so much pain. 

“It’s just-when he called me an amputee...I-I don’t know...” Dongwoo breathed out shakily, pausing when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He was met back with Jinyoung worriedly gazing back at him, “I know how you feel. I felt the same way when I found out your condition. It was like a sense of hopelessness. You want to fix everything, but you know you can’t. It’s awful.”

“I-I had no idea...” Dongwoo looked down at his hands in his lap and furrowed his eyebrows. “I guess I never realized how other people felt about this whole situation. It sounds kind of selfish, but with so much going on I never really paid attention,” he frowned, shaking his head. 

Jinyoung chuckled and gave him a lighthearted smile, “No one really expected you to,” Dongwoo looked up at him. “Our injuries weren’t nearly as severe as yours.”

He shook his head, “I know. I guess I’m just not used to all the attention,” he sighed.

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, “The attention?” He laughed. “You go out and perform on stage everyday!”

Dongwoo felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment, “You know what I mean! One on one. Directed towards me. Only me,” he formed a pout on his lips. 

“I know,” he smiled, chuckling at him. “We’re just worried about you.” Dongwoo gave a small smile.

He was glad that he had support with him, even if we wasn’t completely open to sharing his feelings to them. Everyone had been so helpful since they got here, but there were a few setbacks.

“Now that my mom’s here, I feel like she’s making everybody panic more than necessary,” Dongwoo rolled his eyes.

“Well, yeah, at first. But she’s calmed down. She’s helped us calm down,” Jinyoung reassured.

“She has her ways,” his smile then faltered. “Odd ways,” he noted.

Jinyoung laughed, “You know, now that I think of it, you two are really similar. Well, aside from the fact that you both look alike,” he grinned.

Dongwoo scoffed, “I used to get that all the time. Especially when I had long hair. You do not know how many texts I got from my family members all those years I had it grown out. Oh my God.” He placed his hands on his cheeks, lightly digging his nails into the skin, suddenly remembering the countless times his sister had teased him.

Jinyoung chuckled, “I liked your hair long. It looked nice,” he smiled.

Dongwoo sure was glad he had his hands covering his cheeks right now because he could feel the heat rushing up to them rapidly.

Jinyoung thought his hair looked nice?

“Oh...really? Thanks,” he said quietly.

Based off of Dongwoo’s reaction, Jinyoung must have realized how sincere he sounded and how he now realized that this was probably not the right time to make a comment like that. He suddenly became flustered, waving his hands in front of his face, “I-I mean, uh, it suited you!” He blushed. “Oh, that’s not any better,” he muttered to himself.

Grabbing his crutches, he quickly stood up, “You know, I’m gonna go and try to get some sleep. Talking to your mom all night was fun and all, but I’m really tired, you know?” He laughed nervously. Dongwoo gave him a confused look, slowly placing his hands down on the bed.

“Haha, goodnight! I-I mean- good morning, or-oh! You know what I mean!” Dongwoo was trying not to laugh at him as he stumbled his way out of the room.

“Goodnight, Jinyoung,” he smiled.

Dongwoo laid back onto his bed, placing his hands over his face. What was happening to him? Why was he feeling this way? 

It all started with those weird dreams...


	20. I Can Feel You Through My Dreams, But Not In Reality

Jinyoung woke up from his nap with the sun shining in his eyes through the windows. He slowly opened them just to find Chansik in his face.

“Good moooooooorniiiiiiing!!” He sang. 

Jinyoung screamed. He jumped up from Chansik’s lap, smacking his forehead on the younger boy’s. Chansik yelped and grabbed his head.

“Ow! Why’d you do that!?” He sniffed dramatically, caressing the irritated skin on his forehead.

Jinyoung quickly sat up, “You scared me!” He yelled with a terrified, yet confused look on his face. Chansik murmured an apology and sunk down in his seat.

Jinyoung looked around the room and noticed a lot of people staring at him. He made a mental note: don’t scream in a crowded hospital lobby.

Glaring at them until they all looked away, Jinyoung grabbed his crutches and his book, and stood up, “I’m going to go where I can’t publicly embarrass myself,” he rolled his eyes.

He could hear Junghwan’s snicker, but chose to ignore it as he made his way to the elevator. He had gotten a few hours of sleep, but that was nowhere near what he actually needed. He was practically a walking corpse as he dragged his body to Dongwoo’s room.

Jinyoung opened the door to his room and noticed Dongwoo immediately closing his laptop. He raised an eyebrow as he shut the door.

“What were you doing?” He asked, walking over to the bed.

“Nothing!” Dongwoo said quickly. “...What were you doing?”

“Sleeping,” he said tiredly with an unenthusiastic look on his face. “Why’d you slam your computer shut?”

“Because I was done with it,” he said defensively. Jinyoung eyed him. Dongwoo slumped his shoulders forward in defeat.

He sighed, “You know when there’s one little thing wrong with you and you google your symptoms to make sure you’re not dying?” Jinyoung looked confused, but he nodded. “That’s what I was doing.”

“Well, are you dying?” Jinyoung teased.

Dongwoo rolled his eyes, “Ugh, no,” he paused, thinking about what he was going to say. “I-I’ve been having these...weird...dreams.” He sighed.

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. Dongwoo expected him to judge him or make fun of him, but the boy’s response caught him off guard.

“You too?” A long silence was drawn out between them, until Dongwoo’s face contorted in disbelief.

“What?”

Jinyoung shook his head, “Wait, wait. What are yours about?”

“Uh, I-I really don’t know,” he stuttered. “It’s really dark, but I could see in my last one...” He gulped.

“I can hear a voice,” he continued. “This sounds a little weird, but honestly, I think it’s yours. I don’t even know. I think you keep singing a song? I don’t even know what song it is. I’ve never heard it before.”

Jinyoung immediately sat down in the chair next to the bed, placing his crutches against the wall, and started flipping through his lyric book. He stopped on a page and pointed to lyrics he had written down. 

“Do you hear me? Do you hear me? Why don’t you know my heart? It’s heart, it’s not true. Baby, I’ve been loving you...”

The lyrics continued, but Dongwoo couldn’t even continue reading, “What?” He asked and grabbed the book.

He scanned the words, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, “I don’t understand. Is this an actual song? Have we heard it somewhere before and it’s subconsciously been in the back of our heads?”

Jinyoung shrugged, “I don’t think so. I’ve looked it up and I’ve gotten nothing,” he pursed his lips. “How did it go?”

Dongwoo was silent for a moment and then he softly began singing, “Do you hear me?” His voice was quiet and he could feel Jinyoung’s eyes on him. 

Although this song had been causing him an unbelievable amount of stress, Jinyoung could find himself to relax to Dongwoo’s voice. It was so soft and calming.

Dongwoo was caught by surprise when Jinyoung joined in for the chorus. “Dreaming of you being next to me. Dreaming of you being in my arms."

Dongwoo avoided eye contact with the other boy to try to rid the awkward tension that was beginning to form. They have never sang alone together before. The only thing remotely close to it was a single verse in their song, Love is Magic, which other people were there for. 

“I’m happy I can see you in my dreams. Do you know how sad I am?”

Dongwoo stopped abruptly and shook his head, “That was in the first few dreams.” He hesitantly flipped the page where the lyrics continued, keeping his eyes focused on the notebook in front of him.

“That’s so weird,” he whispered. “What’s ironic is that the song is about dreaming.”

“Everything is dream. Come into my arms in reality,” Jinyoung sang softly. “You in front of me, are you an illusion? I’m sorry, goodbye.”

“I’m sorry, goodbye,” Dongwoo whispered, looking up from the book and staring at the ceiling. “I don’t get it.” He said, frustrated, turning his head to Jinyoung, once they stopped singing. 

“How do we know that song? Ho-how are we even dreaming the same thing?” Dongwoo questioned, running a hand through his hair, tugging at it.

“I mean, you dream about things that happen in your life, right? What was your first dream about?” Jinyoung asked.

Dongwoo released the grip on his hair, dropping his hand by his side, “I don’t know. I couldn’t see anything.” He scrunched his face. “I think I heard screaming, though.”

Jinyoung pursed his lips and looked away. Dongwoo stared at him, “What was yours about?”

He shifted awkwardly in his chair, “I, uh...” He trailed off. “It was a total nightmare.” He then said blatantly.

Dongwoo’s face scrunched in confusion, so Jinyoung continued, “It was after the car accident.” He said as worry began to show on Dongwoo’s face. “I was lying in the middle of the road. There was blood and broken glass everywhere. I remember looking down at my leg and seeing it being split open down to the bone,” he cringed.

Jinyoung shook his head, “That’s not even the worse part though. It was dark and gave off horrific vibes. I remember walking around the car and I saw you lying there.” He paused, contemplating his word choice. “You were lying there, unconscious...and without a leg,” he averted from Dongwoo’s intense gaze. He could feel the air grow tense between them.

The older boy bit his lip and shook his head, “You don’t have to tell me the rest. It’s fine, really.”

Jinyoung relaxed and slumped his shoulders, “Good, because some crazy demonic shit happened after that.”

Dongwoo lightly chuckled, “I guess I should be glad I couldn’t see in that one.” He sighed. “Should I even ask about the other dreams?”

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, “The others weren’t nearly as bad, but in the second one you were definitely a ghost.” He frowned. “I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, so I’m just going to pretend that never happened.”

Dongwoo lightly placed a finger on his lip, “Do you have a pen? Shouldn’t we write these down?” He asked. “I wanna look them up.”

Jinyoung reached over and flipped the pages back, “I started writing them as they happened, so I wouldn’t forget them.”

Dongwoo scanned the paper with a smile creeping onto his face, “Hey, these are cute, Jinyoung,” he said, pointing at a specific spot on the page.

He watched Jinyoung’s eyes widen in horror as he noticed what Dongwoo was pointing at. 

Oh, shit.

How could he forget about the drawings? Out of all things!

Jinyoung’s cheeks grew red quickly. Embarrassed, he hid his face in his hands. Dongwoo laughed.

“I-I just wanted to remember them exactly!! I don’t sit around and draw you all the time!” Dongwoo raised his eyebrows at that, which caused Jinyoung to break out in even more of a panic.

“I mean-I don’t do that at all! Agh, you’re looking at it right now. What the hell.” Jinyoung gave up, realizing he was going to make everything worse if he kept on talking.

Dongwoo chucked, “You need to calm down. I said it was cute, not creepy,” he grinned. “Besides, you shouldn’t be embarrassed by it! It’s good!” He peeked back down at the book when Jinyoung tried to grab it.

“Hey!” He pulled the book away from Jinyoung. The younger boy groaned in response.

“Ugh, just kill me.” He wallowed.

“You missed out on that three days ago.” Jinyoung choked.

“I never thought I’d see the day. Shin Dongwoo making jokes about dying after a near-death experience,” Dongwoo rolled his eyes. The younger boy probably realized that that came out wrong, as he had never been in any sort of near-death experience. He pursed his lips, “Or just death jokes in general,” he added.

Dongwoo ignored him, “Anyways, I wanted to look up what all of this meant in dreams. Like teeth falling out mean you’re stressed?” Jinyoung frowned.

The older boy sighed and waved him off, “Don’t worry. I won’t look at your drawings,” he said, closing the book and giving it back to Jinyoung. 

Relief flooded through Jinyoung once the book was back in hands. He watched Dongwoo pull out his laptop. 

“Let’s get started.”

The two of them sat in Dongwoo’s room for hours researching everything they possibly could. Many of the results were that they were going through a traumatic experience or had negativity in their life, which was understandable. That too, was also why they appeared to be having the same dreams.

“Most of the dreams kept recurring in a field,” Jinyoung paused. “What about that?”

Dongwoo raised his eyebrows, “It says a field can symbolize the need for personal growth and freedom,” he paused as he read. “Did there happen to be any weeds in the field?”

Jinyoung looked confused and shook his head, “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Okay, so that means you will achieve your dreams!” He smiled, clasping his hands together.

“Did your mom write that?” He asked, unamused.

Dongwoo chuckled, “Sounds like she did,” he scrolled through the page looking for any missed information, but it did not seem to apply to their situation.

Jinyoung placed his hand on his forehead, “Oh my God. How did we forget the singing?”

“Uh, you forgot the singing. I already looked that up,” he said, turning the computer towards the other boy. 

“Don’t blame me. I’ve gotten, like, 4 hours of sleep in the past three days,” he said as he began reading. “I’m surprised I’m still functioning.”

Before Dongwoo could respond, Jinyoung began reading the page aloud, “Singing in a dream may reveal how you’re feeling and it can be a way of expressing your emotions. It can be healing for your mind,” he then paused and squinted at the next sentence. “If someone else is singing to you, they may be trying to tell you something that you need to hear.”

Dongwoo’s eyes widened as he took the computer, “Are you sure? Is that what all the other websites say?” He could feel his cheeks beginning to grow red.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said nonchalantly. “That’s weird, considering the song is about dreaming. I don’t know what I’d be trying to tell you.”

Was Jinyoung that dense that he did not understand what was happening here? Did he not even pay attention to the lyrics? The guy that composes all of B1A4’s love songs? Dongwoo’s breath hitched at the thought, but at least it saved him from his own embarrassment.

“I don’t understand that. I guess we’ll have to look into that,” he shrugged. Dongwoo raised an eyebrow at his odd behavior.

“Uh, yeah, I guess so,” he watched as Jinyoung grabbed his crutches and stood up from his chair.

“I’m going to go and try to actually sleep now. I think it’s finally getting to me,” he chuckled lightly. 

Dongwoo watched him as he waved and quickly left the room, shutting the door on his way out.

“What the hell?” 

He tugged at his hair and reread the page. How did he not understand that? Or did he? Dongwoo knows that Jinyoung’s a good actor, but that doesn’t prove to be true in awkward situations.

He exited the page and began to type one last thing they they did not research. Dance.

After the page loaded, Dongwoo’s eyes widened in shock as he read the screen, “Dance symbolizes freedom from anything holding you back in life. It signifies sensuality, happiness, and sexual desi-“ Dongwoo’s cheeks burned red as he slammed his computer shut. 

What!? No! 

He didn’t...They didn’t...

It wasn’t like that!

He lightly touched the screen and hesitantly lifted it back up and continued scrolling, “Dancing with a partner signifies unity and intimacy.”

Dongwoo puts his face down in his hands and shook his head. Jinyoung couldn’t be that ignorant. He knew exactly what everything meant. He had tried to avoid confrontation when things took a turn. But what did that mean about their relationship?

After a few minutes of sitting, listening to his thoughts, he closed his computer, making sure to delete his search history before doing so.

The dreams were about freedom and prosperity and now suddenly there’s a weird twist on their entire friendship? It didn’t make any sense!

Maybe Jinyoung was right. They would have to look into it later.


	21. If Only Dreams Could Come True

_To dream of being inside an RV is supposed to signify empowerment and freedom, but Jinyoung was not feeling that at all right now. It was apparently where Dongwoo resided, but it was awkward. Sure, the place was cozy and warm with blankets and string lights hung everywhere. Posters were plastered to the wall and soft music was playing in the background, but Jinyoung couldn’t find himself to get comfortable. He felt anxious, like if something was about to happen, but he had no idea what or when it would occur._

_He found himself staring at the decorations around the room, analyzing the meaning of every single one of them._

_Lights. Those meant understanding and clarity._

_Posters were for self-expression._

_Blankets signified protection, warmth, and love._

_Dongwoo walked over with some mugs and a snack. Two cups of hot chocolate and a bowl of popcorn. He sat down on a bench covered in pillows and handed a mug to Jinyoung. He hesitantly took the cup and noticed that it was carefully decorated with whipped cream and drizzled caramel on top._

_Food. It symbolized nourishment and energy._

_Pillows. They were supposed to mean comfort and support._

_A mug. That represented healing and love._

_Jinyoung stared down at his drink, pondering over the symbolism. Love. It was a recurring theme in the objects in the room._

_He looked up from his beverage and began to study the decor. It was cute and calming. Nothing too over the top. As he was gazing over the room, he caught Dongwoo staring at him out of the corner of his eye. He sat up in his seat._

_“Do you live here?” Jinyoung asked._

_Dongwoo hummed in response, not really answering his question. He placed the popcorn down and turned to face the other boy, “Not in reality.”_

_Jinyoung didn’t know how to respond, so he just nodded and took a sip of his hot chocolate, “Alright,” he muttered._

_In reality? Although they were growing more conscious of their dreams, they couldn’t control what happened in them. It seemed to reflect their feelings, which only happened to make it ten times worse. Especially because Dongwoo’s eyes had returned back to their warm brown color, which meant that he could see what was happening now._

_Blind. You’re rejecting to see the truth in something right in front of you. If someone regains their eyesight that means that you need to trust your own intuition. Things will not happen unless you allow them to._

_“Do you like it?” Jinyoung raised his eyebrows, caught off guard._

_“What?” He asked, dazed._

_“The hot chocolate,” Dongwoo said, pursing his lips, awaiting a response._

_Jinyoung shook his head. His mind was a mess right now, “Yeah, it’s really good,” he said, even though he couldn’t even taste it._

_Dongwoo furrowed his eyebrows in concern, “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird.”_

_Worry. It resembles repressed thoughts and feelings._

_Jinyoung stifled a laugh, “What? You think I’m acting weird?” Dongwoo looked concerned. “What about you? What is this place? Why are we here? Why are you acting like this?”_

_Dongwoo gazed at Jinyoung in silence after his little outburst. His eyes were full of worry, yet confusion, “I’m not sure what you mean.”_

_Jinyoung placed his mug down on the table, “You do know what I mean! You know this is dream! You’re putting on a whole act! The singing, the dancing, everything! It’s making me frustrated!”_

_An argument. You need to resolve issues in reality. The person you’re arguing with represents something in your waking life._

_Dongwoo soon appeared to look hurt, forming a little pout on his lips, “I thought you liked my singing.”_

_Guilt. Your mistakes let others down._

_Jinyoung brought a hand up to his face. He practically insulted Dongwoo’s singing and dancing abilities, things he is very skilled in. He shook his head, “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”_

_“Sometimes our initial thoughts aren’t what we exactly mean. It’s how you acknowledge and fix your mistakes that show your character,” he said with a small smile. Jinyoung felt his lips twitch up into a grin. Of course he would say that._

_An apology. Searching for truth and forgiveness._

_“I’m sorry. I do like your singing.”_

_“What about dancing with me earlier, too?” he grinned._

_Jinyoung softly chuckled, “Yes, you’re a good dancer, as well.”_

_Dongwoo placed his mug down on the table and stood up to walk over to the radio. He turned the volume up a little bit for the music. It was the same song that he always sang. The one about dreaming._

_Jinyoung looked up when he saw a hand held out in front of him. Dongwoo was smiling brightly at him, “How about another?”_

_Dance. It meant happiness, freedom, and love. Whoever you’re dancing with is someone who needs to be present in your life for it to be complete._

_He didn’t know what came over him, but the next thing he knew he was once again dancing with Dongwoo. Except this time, it was inside a terribly cramped RV. But that’s what made it all the more enjoyable. Trying to not knock over their mugs of hot chocolate on the nearby table, the loud, yet calming music, how close they were..._

_Dongwoo paused when the song ended. It began replaying once again, but he stopped Jinyoung from continuing. Jinyoung’s hands had moved to the sides of Dongwoo’s hips, while Dongwoo’s were now resting on the outsides of his arms._

_“Jinyoung,” he said._

_The boy turned to look up at Dongwoo. He looked serious, like he was concentrating on something. However, Jinyoung didn’t even have time to say anything when Dongwoo grabbed his chin and pulled him in for a kiss._

_Jinyoung immediately tensed up. His eyes were wide open and he felt frozen in his spot. Dongwoo noticed this and slid his hand from his chin to cup the side of his face. Luckily, Jinyoung got over the shock and relaxed to the boy’s touch. He closed his eyes and placed his hands back on Dongwoo’s hips. Soon enough, he gained the courage to kiss him back._

_A kiss. A kiss meant contentment, admiration, and love._

_It was a soft, chaste kiss. However, it was as passionate as a dream could possibly make it out to be._

_Right. This was a dream._

_They soon broke apart and immediately, Dongwoo pulled him in for a tight hug. Jinyoung returned the action, full of warmth and happiness. He wrapped his arms around Dongwoo’s neck and relaxed in his embrace._

_A hug symbolized care and love._

_Love._

_All the pieces were being pulled together._

_Love._

_All the symbols. The evidence was there in every single dream._

_Love._

_Jinyoung was meant to love Dongwoo._

_“You do realize this is only a dream, right?” He said after a while._

_“Then do something,” Dongwoo replied softly. “Come into my arms in reality,” he sang along with the music, which was timed perfectly._

_Jinyoung laughed, pulling away from Dongwoo, who was still smiling, “Maybe I will.”_

_Love. The longing to be accepted in waking life and have wishes fulfilled._


	22. Falling Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mentions of depression

Jinyoung was jolted awake by someone shaking his shoulders. He immediately opened his eyes, staring wide at Junghwan.

“Jinyoung!” He said softly. 

“Huh? What is it?” He mumbled lazily, rubbing his eyes.

Junghwan gave a small smile, “We’re going to see Dongwoo.” Jinyoung looked to the side and noticed Sunwoo and Chansik waiting for them. 

“Also, you were sleep-talking,” he chuckled softly. 

Panic erupted deep inside of him. Who knows what he could have said after having that dream?

“What? What did I say?” He asked, trying to not make it apparent that he was worrying.

Junghwan stood up from the chair, “Oh, it was nothing really. You were just mumbling. It was funny though.”

Relief flooded Jinyoung and he relaxed his body into the chair, “Oh, thank God.”

Junghwan watched as he gathered his crutches and stood up, “Why? Were you afraid you said something weird?” He interrogated, leaning forward to be nosy.

Jinyoung leaned onto his crutches, “Uh...Yeah. I had a pretty...strange dream last night,” he hesitated, half-worried that Junghwan was going to ask what it was about, and the other half, embarrassed about what had happened in it.

“Oh, I always have weird dreams!” Junghwan’s eyes lit up. “You would never believe what happens in them! Like this one time...” Junghwan continued to rant about his dreams in excruciating detail, but Jinyoung drowned out the sound of his voice.

He thought back on his dream last night. Other than the kiss, which left him flustered beyond belief, he couldn’t stop thinking about the song. It played a role in that dream, yet it pertained to real life. It was like it was calling out to his consciousness. It appeared to be that the song has a role in every dream, but it builds and compiles on itself. However, the last dream was the only one that it seemed to make sense in. He didn’t understand it...

“Yeah and my biology teacher from high school was there for some reason selling cake pops at the library. After that, I woke up because I couldn’t breathe...” He paused, remembering the horrors of that dream.” Anyways, let’s go upstairs!” Junghwan finished his story and called to Jinyoung, interrupting his thoughts. He slowly made his way to the others who were waiting by the elevator. 

“Jinyoung had a weird dream,” Junghwan blurted out once they got inside.

“What kind of weird?” Chansik asked.

“Junghwan, do you have to tell everyone?” Jinyoung snapped.

“Come on, we all want to know how your mind works!” He nudged him.

“No we don’t,” Sunwoo interrupted, grimacing at the thought of what dark things go through their leader’s head.

“Ugh, fine,” Junghwan sighed defeatedly. “You guys are boring.”

The three quickly changed the subject, but Jinyoung drowned out the conversation. How was he going to face Dongwoo after that? Knowing the other boy had the same exact dream, it was going to be so terribly awkward. He didn’t know if it would be a better idea to ignore it or talk about it.

Jinyoung shook his head to clear his mind when they reached Dongwoo’s floor. They stepped out of the elevator and made their way to his room, which felt a little faster than normal. Before he knew it, Sunwoo was already knocking on the door. They let themselves into the room and realized that they had woken Dongwoo up.

“Sorry, were you sleeping?” Sunwoo asked. They all knew how much Dongwoo liked his sleep. He could practically do so anywhere.

He rubbed his eyes and looked over at them, “It’s fine,” he sighed. 

They all entered the room and sat down in the chairs surrounding his bed. It felt agonizingly slow for Jinyoung, who kept trying to peek glances at the other boy. 

Dongwoo didn’t look up. He stared off into the space in front of him. He had a scowl on his face and he looked really tired.

This can’t be good.

For Jinyoung, it felt really awkward being in the same room as your best friend after having a dream about kissing him. He studied the boy, who avoided his gaze. He knew he wasn’t mad because they woke him up. Just because he liked his sleep, didn’t mean he didn’t get angry when he lost some. His mind could only conclude that Dongwoo was mad because it happened in the dream.

Jinyoung didn’t know how he felt about it.

They tried to talk to him, but he only replied with short, one-word, grumpy answers. Sunwoo, Junghwan, and Chansik looked to Jinyoung for any help, but he only shrugged. He didn’t want to say anything if Dongwoo was already pissed.

The oldest had noticed their sudden silence and sighed, “Sorry, guys. I’m just not in the mood today.”

“If it’s because we woke you up, we can lea-“ Chansik was cut off.

“No. It’s fine. I got plenty of sleep,” he said, although the dark circles under his eyes said otherwise. 

Dongwoo’s words felt heavy to Jinyoung. He felt like it was directed towards him, but if he was angry over that, he’s not going to try to make it any worse.

“Well, I don’t think this is the right time, but our manager wanted you to check up on Twitter or some form of social media. Everyone’s kinda freaking out and we haven’t said anything yet,” Sunwoo paused. “Unless you don’t want to right now, because I understand if you aren’t in the mood to do tha-“

“No,” he gulped, avoiding the tense, worrying gazes of everyone around him.

“Sorry,” he shook his head, still not looking up. “I-I think I wanna be left alone today.”

The silence was deafening in the room, filling the tension between everyone, and making it strangely uncomfortable. Dongwoo then looked up to be met with concerned faces surrounding him, “Are you okay?” Sunwoo asked.

“Yeah...” He paused. “Sorry.”

“No,” Sunwoo immediately stood up. “Sorry. We’ll leave you alone.”

The others gave him a confused look, “Let’s go guys.” They didn’t say anything, either unsure of what to say or felt that it wasn’t appropriate to do so. Instead, they awkwardly stood up and began to make their way toward the door. Piling out of the room, one by one, they all shot final concerning looks to Dongwoo, who didn’t react in response.

Jinyoung was last to exit the room. He paused before he walked through the door and gave a Dongwoo a small wave, while trying to hold his crutches upright against his body. He was surprised when Dongwoo managed to give a faint sad smile back at him with a small wave. He turned away, but not before returning the grin, and leaving the room.

Jinyoung felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders once he closed the door. If Dongwoo was upset about the dream, then he wasn’t so angry that he couldn’t even smile at him. Though, that still didn’t meant that everything would be normal the next time they try to talk...

Jinyoung was pulled from his thoughts when Junghwan interrupted, “What was that!?” He asked, chasing after Sunwoo, who was currently speed-walking down the hallway.

“Something’s up with him,” Sunwoo muttered.

“No duh! Where are you going!?” He tugged on his arm, trying to stop him. Junghwan turned him around to face him once he stopped. He was met Sunwoo’s annoyed face in his. “Woah, what’s wrong?”

“We’re going to see Dongwoo’s mother,” he said sharply, his breath starting to become heavy.

“What’s happening?” Chansik asked, catching up to them with Jinyoung. 

“Look, he’s obviously hiding something from us, so we’re going to ask the one person that raised him!” The three stared at him breathlessly as his rage continued.

“Wh-why are you getting mad!?” Chansik asked frantically.

Sunwoo furrowed his eyebrows and glared at him, “You’re one to talk.”

Chansik was taken aback by his sudden remark, confused why everything was turned around suddenly and aimed at him. Jinyoung tried to ease him by placing a comforting hand on his back.

“Woah, woah, what did he do!?” Junghwan asked, getting more worked up now.

“He’s the one who said we shouldn’t be keeping things from each other and that’s exactly what Dongwoo’s doing!” Junghwan quickly became annoyed by that. Sunwoo was blaming both Chansik and Dongwoo out of pure emotion.

He grabbed Sunwoo by the arm, “You need to calm down. You’re angry and you just quickly accused both Chansik and Dongwoo of something that is completely none of their faults!” Sunwoo stared at him intently. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, guilt hanging in his voice. “I’m just...upset, which doesn’t give me an excuse to act like that, but...”

“It’s okay,” Chansik murmured. “Let’s just...talk to Dongwoo’s mom.” He gave an uncertain smile to Jinyoung, who was still patting his back, whispering a small thanks to him.

After that fiasco, they all made their way down to the lobby. The elevator ride was awkwardly silent, none of them even bothering to move. They all got out and immediately went to search for Dongwoo’s mother. 

They found her sitting in an isolated corner in the lobby reading a book. They hurriedly made their way over by her, Junghwan and Sunwoo half-shoving their way past each other to get there first.

“Mrs. Shin!” Junghwan bellowed. She looked up and smiled at them.

“Hello boys!” She giggled at their energy as they stopped in front of her. “What brings you here?”

“Can we ask you something?” Sunwoo started down at her. It was odd seeing her so happy, knowing she was oblivious to her son a few floors up.

“Oh, yes! Sure! Come on, sit!” She patted a seat next to her. 

They let Jinyoung sit down next to her, as it was the closest seat to the wall, so he could rest his crutches. Everyone then piled in the remaining seats, Chansik next to and Junghwan and Sunwoo across from her.

“What’s up?” She grinned, scanning everyone around her. 

“Do you know what’s wrong with Dongwoo?” Sunwoo asked. Mrs. Shin’s cheery face suddenly dropped.

“What do you mean? Is he okay?” She said sternly, beginning to worry.

“No, no! He’s fine! I think. But, I meant does he feel okay?” Dongwoo’s mother pursed her lips as she eyed him.

“Is he being moody today?” She raised an eyebrow at Sunwoo, who furrowed his eyebrows on concern.

“I mean, I guess? He was kind of grumpy and he said he wanted to be left alone.” Mrs. Shin sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“I’m guessing he hasn’t told you yet?” She said with a pained expression on her face. “He must have been doing so much better then...” She mumbled to herself.

“Told us what?” Jinyoung asked softly. She avoided eye contact with any of them, looking down to the floor. She closed her book and rested her clasped hands on top of it.

“When Dongwoo was 16, he was diagnosed with clinical depression.” The lobby quickly seemed to grow eerily quiet. That wasn’t what they had expected her to say at all.

“He hasn’t always had the best relationship with his father. For as long as I could remember, Dongwoo seemed to hold a grudge against him. I’ve tried to pry it out of him, but he will never tell me or get me involved.” She paused, shaking her head. “It makes me feel bad, that I could have done something, but I never did...But how are you supposed to when you don’t know what’s wrong?”

She was beginning to feel overwhelmed and upset, so Jinyoung placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked up and gave him a small smile. 

“He’s gotten so much better since he’s been with all of you,” She gave them a sad smile. “I feel guilty now because I’ve been pushing for him to talk to his father for the past week, but it seems that it’s only been making things worse.” She sighed.

“After all this time he’s been dealing with this and we didn’t even know?” Junghwan asked. “Man, what kind of friends are we?”

Everybody looked up at each other with the same feeling present on their faces. Utter and complete guilt. 

“Hey now, don’t think of it that way,” she scolded. “You guys made him happy. He’s been doing so much better since he’s been with you guys.” She then smiled.

The others didn’t appear to be convinced by the look on their faces. Mrs. Shin then sighed and wrapped her arms around Jinyoung and Chansik’s shoulders.

“Come here, I want a group hug,” she smiled with her hands spread open to invite them closer. They all complied, Junghwan and Sunwoo then getting up from their seats and joining the huddle. 

“Thank you boys for being here,” Mrs. Shin said softly. “Although it seems that he’s pushing you away right now, he really does need you. Thank you for staying by his side.”

They all turned their heads back up at her and smiled. She looked practically like Dongwoo. It was comforting to imagine him there with the rest of them, actually happy. Until Mrs. Shin’s motherly instincts kicked in. She had a worried look on her face in Sunwoo’s direction. The boy was trying to wipe the tears from his eyes to hide that he had started crying. 

“Aww Sunwoo!!” She broke the hug and got up from her seat to envelope him in her arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he cried into her shoulder. Mrs. Shin comforted him by running her fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry that I was angry earlier over the way he was acting...I-I just,” Mrs. Shin silenced him and let him continue to cry in her arms. 

“It’s alright. He wouldn’t expect you to know,” she pulled him apart from her and gently wiped his eyes with her thumbs. “Go get yourselves something to eat. I doubt you’ve had breakfast yet.”

Sunwoo muttered a small thank you and began to walk toward the cafeteria, face red from both crying and embarrassment. Junghwan and Chansik then followed mumbling about how hungry they were. 

Mrs. Shin watched them go off and turned back to Jinyoung, “Are you going to go eat?” She asked.

He shook his head, “No. I’m not hungry.” She returned to her seat next to him.

“You’re not letting that bother you, right?” She asked, concerned. 

Jinyoung shrugged, “I don’t know...I feel like I somehow just made it worse.” He gripped the lyric book resting in his lap tighter.

“Why do you say that?” Jinyoung avoided eye contact with her. He knew she was going to ask that.

“It’s kind of...embarrassing,” he grimaced.

Mrs. Shin gave a lighthearted chuckle, “We all do embarrassing things, it’s okay,” she smiled. “I’ve raised two teenagers before. Believe me, I’ve seen it all.”

Jinyoung shifted in his seat, “Well, it’s not exactly something I can control...” He cringed at how that sounded out loud.

Mrs. Shin was confused, “Is it a personal problem?” She asked hesitantly. 

Jinyoung’s eyes widened, “No! No, no, just uh...both Dongwoo and I have been having weird...dreams,” he drew out, nervously fiddling with his book. “And not only are they weird, but we’re having the same dreams...”

“So, the one you had last night was especially weird and you think it caused his drastic change in mood this morning?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said quickly. She had basically taken the words right out of his mouth. Mrs. Shin nodded and hummed in response.

“Are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to guess?” She giggled.

Jinyoung felt like weights were suddenly sitting on his shoulders, “Oh God, that’s the embarrassing part,” he said as he hid his face in his hands. Mrs. Shin laughed at his reaction and patted his shoulder.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” she grinned. “But whatever it is, you might want to talk to Dongwoo about it. You’re probably wrong in thinking that your dream is upsetting him.” 

Jinyoung began to feel his cheeks turn pink, “I mean, I managed to get him to wave to me, so I think he doesn’t hate me...” He trailed off.

Mrs. Shin lightly chuckled, “He’s not going to hate you for something that you did in a dream,” she smiled. “But you probably don’t want to leave him hanging in his own thoughts for too long.”

She grabbed her book and stood up from her seat, “I wouldn’t recommend talking to him today, especially because he said he wants to be left alone. He’ll probably be better tomorrow, so I would check then.”

Jinyoung was just about to thank her before she walked away, but she interrupted, “But, if you like him Jinyoung, just tell him,” she smirked and turned away before a sound of protest could escape his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to mention that Junghwan's dream is actually the most terrifying nightmare I have ever had :') 


	23. Now Appear Before Me, Hug Me, Hold Me

_Jinyoung woke up on the bench in the RV covered with pillows. He brushed off the blanket that was placed on top of him and slowly sat up. He rubbed his eyes and opened them to see that Dongwoo was nowhere to be found. He scrambled up from the bench he was resting on and searched around the small area for him._

_He heard the faint sound of humming once he reached the front door. Opening it slightly, he peeked through to find Dongwoo sitting outside at a picnic table covered in a zebra-patterned cloth. He was singing along to song about dreaming again._

_Jinyoung walked down the small steps that led to the deck in front of the RV. Dongwoo appeared to be painting. He had all of his supplies set out and looked fairly concentrated._

_“What are you painting?” Jinyoung asked as he approached the table, leaning forward on it with his hands._

_Dongwoo looked up and smiled, “Flowers!” He said excitedly. “Like the ones we found in the field yesterday!” He slid over a picture that he was using as a reference. Jinyoung literally had no idea what he was talking about, but he took the Polaroid and nodded._

_“It looks good,” Jinyoung spoke softly. Dongwoo hummed in response and patted the spot on the table in front of him. “Sit!” He commanded._

_Jinyoung plopped down onto the seat in front of him and watched him paint. He noted that he had an array of supplies, like paint and palettes. There was even condiments, like mustard and hot sauce, sitting on the table, as well. Jinyoung didn’t even question it._

_He looked over at the picture that he was using to paint once again. It was a nice picture, one that might be a popular feature on an artsy Instagram account. It was taken with the flash on, focusing on the flowers and blurring out the background, that happened to be a gradient of a cool gray to a dark maroon color. In the middle was a small bouquet of light pink flowers, all facing away from the camera, except for one rose._

_“I would like flowers, but they cause me to sneeze and then they don’t last very long,” Dongwoo spoke softly. “Do you like flowers, Jinyoung?”_

_He nodded, “Yeah, I like roses,” he said, eyes focusing on the painting. “But, I agree with you, though.”_

_“Roses are pretty. But they don’t last very long, either,” he said as he cleaned his brush. “I wouldn’t give you flowers, Jinyoung.”_

_He raised an eyebrow at that statement, “Why not?”_

_Dongwoo dipped his brush in a light pink mixture of paint and continued, “They die quickly. If I were to give you something, why would I give you an object that would be all dried out and crinkled the next day?”_

_“I would prefer to have a picture or a painting of a flower. It’s just as pretty and it’s art,” he continued, then holding his hand out, inviting Jinyoung to reach out to his grasp. “Someone took the time and thought to create it.”_

_He grabbed it, so that the top of Jinyoung’s hand was facing the sky, and took his paint brush to quickly design something on it. When he was done, there was a little light pink rose resting on his hand, matching the color of Jinyoung’s cheeks._

_Dongwoo smiled, “See?” He sighed. “But even this won’t last.”_ _Jinyoung stared at him as he let go of his hand and cleaned the paint off his brush again._

_“What would you give me then?” He asked curiously._

_“I would give you a song,” he said, returning to his painting. “I would want to give you something that you would always be able to remember.”_

_Jinyoung stared at him intently, “Why a song though?”_

_Dongwoo looked up at him and smiled, “Songs are so beautiful. They come right from the heart,” he reached out for Jinyoung’s hand again. “Also, once they’re in your mind, no one can take that from you. Unlike a painting,” he swiped his thumb across the wet paint on Jinyoung’s hand, smearing the rose he had just created._

_“It can disappear, just like that.” Jinyoung’s eyes widened._

_“Just like anything can,” he whispered. Dongwoo solemnly nodded. “Like anything! Happiness, love...even your own life,” Jinyoung gulped._

_He then continued, “That’s why you keep singing that song? The car accident, the demons, the ghosts...they’re all a metaphor, aren’t they?”_

_“Your life an be taken away so easily from you,” Dongwoo grabbed a paper towel and dipped it in a fresh water cup. “But there are little things that you can cherish during the time you have, if you keep them safe.”_

_He started to gently scrub the smeared paint off the back of Jinyoung’s hand to clean up the mess he made, “So what does that song have to do with this place?”_

_Dongwoo looked up at him while trying to rub the remains of the paint off with his thumb, “‘That song’ is called_ _In Dreams_ _. It’s a message. Stop thinking so hard about the lyrics and you’ll get it. The metaphor isn’t too difficult.”_

_Jinyoung appeared to still be confused, so he continued, “If you’re having problems comprehending ‘Come into my arms in reality,’ then I don’t know what to tell you because there’s nothing figurative about that,” he said unamused._

_He shook his head, “I-I just don’t understand.”_

_Dongwoo led him beside the table in the open area, “No one can take away what happens in your life from a song. All your emotions are kept strong and safe in your heart. So what’s stopping you?” Jinyoung looked up at him with wide eyes._

_“Perhaps it’s the songwriter himself?” Dongwoo asked, peering down at him softly. Jinyoung then avoided his gaze, cheeks beginning to turn red._

_Dongwoo laughed and enveloped Jinyoung into a comforting hug, “Now appear before me, hug me, hold me,” Dongwoo whispered. Jinyoung hesitantly returned the hug and closed his eyes. He laid in the comfort of Dongwoo’s arms until the world faded out._


	24. Secrets

Jinyoung sat in the lobby with the others as they waited for a nurse to come by to let everyone know when they could see Dongwoo. He had found himself replaying what he had said in the dream over again in his head, whether he like it or not. Jinyoung knew what ‘Come into my arms in reality,’ and ‘Now appear before me, hug me, hold me,’ meant, but he became too embarrassed to even think about what he would do when he saw Dongwoo.

It also didn’t help that Mrs. Shin had said, “But, if you like him, Jinyoung, just tell him,” with a conniving smirk. The fact that she teased him itched at his core. He shrunk in on himself just replaying those words in his head, not able to get over the fact, no matter what he felt, it wasn’t right.

Soon enough, Jinyoung found that he was growing rather anxious and excused himself from the group to clear his head. Unfortunately, he found that he wasn’t able to do that, as he had run into Dongwoo’s parents in the hallway. Mrs. Shin cheerfully called out his name and waved, tugging her husband, who did not seem too excited, over to the boy.

“Jinyoung!” She smiled, “This is Dongwoo’s father. I don’t believe you two have met yet.” He looked up to the man, who appeared to be unamused. 

Jinyoung wore a soft smile and bowed the best he could by keeping his crutches up, “It’s nice to meet you,” he greeted respectfully. Mr. Shin hesitantly returned the gesture and then paused with a scowl on his face.

“You’re the songwriter, aren’t you?” He raised a brow.

That was not the first thing Jinyoung though he would say to him. With confusion written on his face, he replied, “For the most part, yes.”

Dongwoo’s father then straightened himself, “That’s what I thought,” he said solemnly. Unsure of what that was supposed to mean, Jinyoung studied him compared to Mrs. Shin. Dongwoo’s father was so serious and rigid, while his mother was so lively. Although Mrs. Shin did have her scary side, she was mostly cheerful. It was odd seeing how their personalities contrasted so greatly.

“Anyways, we just came from Dongwoo’s room,” Mrs. Shin interrupted. “He’s feeling much better today. I’m sure he would like it if you guys went up and kept him company,” she smiled brightly.

“Really? Are you sure?” Jinyoung asked, still continuing to wonder if it was that dream that had irritated him.

Dongwoo’s mother nodded, “He likes his space, but I think he needs someone to talk to.”

Before he could agree, he caught Mr. Shin glaring at his wife out of the corner of his eye. Still skeptical over him and not wanting to make anything more awkward than it already was, Jinyoung excused himself from them and made his way to the elevator. He wanted to speak to Dongwoo before the others got there, just incase it was the dream that had made him upset, he wouldn’t want the others to see or hear about that.

He had made it to Dongwoo’s door faster than he would have liked, but he knocked and opened it anyways. Poking his head in, he saw Dongwoo sitting in his bed and taking off his headphones. 

“Hey,” he greeted with a half-smile while closing his laptop.

“Hi,” Jinyoung replied, stepping into the room and shutting the door. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than I have been,” he softly grinned over the fact that the boy was concerned for him. Jinyoung then relaxed, leaning forward on his crutches.

“Good,” he sighed, returning the smile. Dongwoo then gestured for him to sit in the chair next to his bed. 

As he was getting comfortable, Dongwoo began softly, “I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday. I guess...well, it was rude. And, I’m also sorry for not telling you guys all these years...” He avoided eye contact with Jinyoung, playing with the edge of the case on his computer. “I suppose I didn’t want to burden you guys with my own personal problems,” he frowned.

“Why would you feel like your problems are a burden? If you’ve been hurting all this time, that’s something that we should have known about. Holding it in doesn’t solve anything,” Jinyoung said worriedly. “I’m sorry that you felt that you couldn’t tell us, though. I guess we were all ignorant to something occurring right in front of us.”

“No, no, it’s not your fault!” Dongwoo nervously waved his hands. “Although I was hiding it, I was getting better. Being around you guys really helped,” he reassured.

“I understand that...but it makes me feel like we didn’t do our job as bandmates to support one another when one of us was suffering,” he sighed. “Depression is serious. I just wish we knew.”

“I’m sorry, I...didn’t realize that. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but I really was getting better...” he trailed off. 

“It’s okay. We just want to help you. We don’t want you to be in pain any longer,” Dongwoo looked up at him.

“Thanks,” he smiled softly. 

“You know you can talk to us, right?” Jinyoung’s voice grew soft, sounding like it was on the verge of cracking. “Not only would it help you, but it would help us understand what you’re going through.”

Dongwoo hesitated before responding, “Yes...I do. There’s just...some things that I’m not ready to share right now. And honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to tell anyone about them.”

“I get that, but you have to understand keeping these things in isn’t going to help you,” Jinyoung persisted.

Dongwoo sighed softly, “I know, I’m just going to have to convince and prepare myself to do so. This is just so difficult because this is years worth of stuff that my mother doesn’t even know.” 

That took Jinyoung by surprise, since he Mrs. Shin appeared to be pretty close to Dongwoo. It might have just seemed that she knew so much information because they had learned a lot from her over the past few days. 

While Jinyoung was lost in his thoughts, Dongwoo continued, “I think I’m worried that you’re going to figure it out before I’m ready to tell you.”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow to that, “What makes you say that?”

“I feel like you’re going to kill me if I don’t tell you,” he lightly chuckled. “I have a theory about the dreams.”

Jinyoung’s eyes instantly lit up, “Yes, I’m going to kill you if you don’t tell me! What is it!? I’ve been losing my mind over this!” He said excitedly, fully attentive.

Dongwoo let out a breathy laugh, “I just think that all of the dreams are trying to give some sort of warning or message. It’s present in the thunderstorms and whether I can see or not. I think we’re more stressed when it turns black.” He said, noting Jinyoung’s change of expression. He appeared more confused than he anticipated he would be.

“Okay, wait. What kind of warning do you think it’s trying to tell us?”

Dongwoo shifted uncomfortably, “I don't know exactly. It could be trying to warn us of something that could happen in the future or it's trying to share something I dont want it to. I guess that’s what I was worried about. My secrets are going to get ahead of me and you’ll find out before I’m ready.”

Jinyoung looked worried after Dongwoo spoke, “So, it’s something I’m supposed to figure out, but you don’t want me to...alright.”

Dongwoo looked down at his hands that had found interest in the case on his computer again, “I think it wants us to listen to what it’s telling us, though, if we want to find the true meaning behind all of this.”

“...Everything?” Jinyoung hesitated, peering over at the older boy.

“Yeah, because it’s how we'll figure out what it's trying to tell us,” he said, not looking up.

Jinyoung just stared at him, mostly in shock, not saying anything. He didn’t know what to say. Dongwoo obviously didn’t know what he was referring to. It probably didn’t even cross his mind when he had said all of that. 

Dongwoo looked over at Jinyoung once he realized he hadn’t replied. Raising an eyebrow at his expression, he asked, “What?”

Jinyoung only blinked in response. Dongwoo stared back him, furrowing his eyebrows. It took him a while to understand what Jinyoung was talking about. 

Dongwoo’s eyes then grew wide and his cheeks started becoming red, “Oh...uh...I...” He stumbled, unable to get words out, as he was dying of embarrassment. 

The kiss. 

The two had obviously formed some sort of relationship throughout the dreams, that Dongwoo seemed to have blatantly forget. 

“I-I didn’t mean...” He said, covering his face in an attempt to save his dignity.

His thoughts were interrupted when Jinyoung gently peeled his hand away from his face, cradling it gently. Dongwoo peeked over at him, slowly dropping his other hand by his side.

“We don’t have to tell anyone,” Jinyoung spoke softly, trying to get the other to relax. 

Dongwoo looked away from his gaze. His mind was running a hundred miles per hour, going through all the consequences. They were following a theory that had almost no proof that it was even correct.

And for some reason, it felt right to follow it. 

“Okay,” Dongwoo whispered.

He immediately squeezed his eyes shut once he saw Jinyoung move closer, wanting to save himself from anymore embarrassment and to try to mentally prepare himself for what was about to happen. He then felt Jinyoung’s hands gently cup the sides of his face. Being mindful of his bandages, he drew his face to his.

Dongwoo wasn’t sure how he felt. To kiss your bandmate, your best friend? He wondered if he would ever look at him the same way again or if it would be awkward from here on out. Was possibly jeopardizing their relationship worth figuring out a series of dreams that could mean absolutely nothing?

He was lost in his swarm of thoughts when he felt Jinyoung’s lips against his. The kiss mimicked the one in the dream, being chaste, but sweet. The only exception was Jinyoung was in the lead this time. Using that to his advantage, Jinyoung tilted his head, pulling Dongwoo closer and deepening the kiss.

It lasted longer than they anticipated for it to be, so they broke apart when they needed air. Dongwoo opened his eyes to find Jinyoung staring at him, still holding his face. He didn’t know what to say. 

Jinyoung then broke the silence, “I like you, Dongwoo,” he said after a deep breath.

“You do?” Dongwoo asked, surprised by his confession. Jinyoung nodded in response. 

“For how long?” He asked softly. Jinyoung immediately dropped his hands from his face and rubbed his neck nervously.

“Uh...haha...a year or two?” He laughed awkwardly. 

Dongwoo’s jaw dropped out of shock, “Really?”

Jinyoung nodded, “Yeah,” he said timidly. “Are you mad that I never told you?”

“I-not really?” Dongwoo stuttered. “I know dating was against our contracts last year, but it’s also not really accepted...”

“Well...we can keep it a secret,” Jinyoung suggested quietly. 

Dongwoo raised his eyebrows, “Are you asking me out?”

Jinyoung tensed up, “Yeah?” He squeaked out, mentally face-palming for his voice betraying him.

Dongwoo gave a small smile, “It’ll be our secret.”


	25. A Warning

Jinyoung woke up lying on the floor to the slight rumbling of the RV. Rain was pounding on the roof and the strong wind was making the windows rattle.

He rolled over in his array of blankets and pillows and found Dongwoo nowhere to be found. He then sat up and realized he wasn’t inside the RV. 

Jinyoung attempted to stand up to go find him, but was knocked back down by the violent shaking of the floor. Stunned by the occurrence, he looked out the window and noticed that dark clouds hanging over the sky. He got back up and hurried to the front door. Peeking through the thin window on the door, he saw Dongwoo standing on the deck, holding onto the flimsy railing, while looking up at the storm in the sky.

Jinyoung pushed the door open, only to have it fly back because of the wind. He didn’t even attempt to shut it based on the force it flew open at.

“Dongwoo!” Jinyoung found himself raising his voice, trying to compete with the noise of the storm. He didn’t know if he heard him or not, but he kept his eyes focused on the dark, looming clouds.

“Dongwoo,” he said walking up to him, hooking his arm around his, slightly tugging. “You’re soaked. You have to come inside.” Dongwoo didn’t answer, keeping his gaze on the rapidly moving sky. The rain began to pour harder and he still didn’t move.

“Dongwoo,” Jinyoung asked worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t take his eyes off the sky, but he said it so quietly, that Jinyoung almost didn’t even hear him, “He’s coming.” Dongwoo turned his head, giving Jinyoung a concerned, almost fearful look. 

“Who’s he?” Jinyoung asked softly, furrowing his eyebrows. Dongwoo stared at him, not even able to respond before a loud boom of thunder made the ground shake. He immediately looked back up to the sky, noticing that it was practically black now.

“Dongwoo,” Jinyoung spoke, his voice quivering. “What’s happening?” He then felt Dongwoo grab him and pull him close, as if he was trying to protect him, as another loud boom of thunder made the ground shake even more. 

Dongwoo quickly released the smaller boy. Jinyoung looked up at him and noticed that his eyes were beginning to turn darker again. 

“We have to leave,” Dongwoo’s voice was filled with panic, even though he was trying his best to stay calm.

A flash of lightning suddenly lit up the sky, followed by another pound of thunder. Dongwoo grunted, as if he was in pain, and covered his ears. It must be louder for him, but why? Jinyoung didn’t know the symbolism for thunder.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when Dongwoo roughly grabbed his wrist and pulled him away from the RV. He began running through the field, approaching the forest, as fast as he could, causing Jinyoung to trip over his feet at the abrupt start. 

“Dongwoo!” Jinyoung called out to him, wanting to understand what was happening. He didn’t respond, only continuing to sprint closer to the woods.

They were almost there, when suddenly Dongwoo stumbled, causing Jinyoung to trip again. He looked down at their feet and noticed that Dongwoo’s left leg had turned entirely black. Every step had been leaving a trail of footprints behind them. It was like his leg was melting away.

They had entered the woods, which was filled with dead leaves and broken twigs everywhere. The clouds appeared to be following close, trying to outrace them. The thunder began to pound more frequently and Jinyoung could feel Dongwoo become more unstable on his feet. It wasn’t long until Dongwoo tripped again, whether it was on many of the obstacles spread across the forest floor, or his leg had disintegrated to the point he couldn’t run anymore, Jinyoung wouldn’t know as the world went black as he fell to the ground.


	26. Jumping to Conclusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mentions of death

“Dongwoo.”

Opening his eyes immediately when he heard his name being called, Dongwoo looked a little frantic, looking at all the members surrounding him for the owner of the voice. His gaze matched with Sunwoo, who was holding a phone.

“We’re taking a picture,” he gave a sheepish smile. Dongwoo looked at him as if he was crazy.

“Right now?” He asked, judging everyone’s priorities. 

Sunwoo knew where he was coming from, especially since it was only 7:00 in the morning, but their manager had requested it because they haven’t been on the internet for 6 days and it was causing fans to panic.

“Yep,” he said confidently, getting up from his seat. Their manager was at the other side of the room, holding his phone up, ready. Unwillingly, Dongwoo sat up in his bed as everyone gathered around him. They managed to get a set of pictures, including a few where Junghwan tried to jokingly bite Dongwoo’s shoulder. 

They acted slowly, hesitant to see what awaited on their social media. They felt guilty for not saying anything the past few days, especially since they have been avoiding the news and paparazzi. Sunwoo grabbed their manager’s phone and deciding to post before looking at all the comments at once, the caption read:

“Dear Bana,

We would like to apologize for being inactive lately. This week has been difficult for all of us and we really appreciate all of your comments and support. We’re deeply sorry that we made you worry this week and we hope we did not cause too much panic. We wanted to let you know that we are all okay and are now taking this time to rest and recover, so we can sing together again. Please be patient and wait for us.”

“Is that good?” Sunwoo asked, handing the phone off to Junghwan to show the others. “I think we shouldn’t go in depth or anything. That might be a lot right now.”

“I agree. One thing about an injury can lead to dozens of negative articles and I’m pretty sure we don’t want to focus on defending ourselves right now,” their manager told them. “I think those pictures are enough to keep fans calm right now.” The members nodded in agreement, looking over the post again before publishing it to Instagram. 

Junghwan refreshed their notifications quickly after posting to see that many people already liked it and comments were starting to roll in. “Banas type so fast...” He murmured.

“What are they saying?” Chansik asked. 

“Most of them are about Dongwoo,” he replied, handing the phone to him. Dongwoo hesitantly took it from Junghwan and slowly began scrolling through the comments.

“You’re all okay...please take care of yourselves. Banas love you...rest well. We will wait for you,” Dongwoo smiled softly at what their fans had to say. However, it was short-lived as he kept scrolling. “What happened to Shinwoo? Why is he in a hospital bed after 6 days...” Dongwoo frowned as he kept reading similar comments to that. 

“I don’t think we thought about that before posting,” he said, pursing his lips. The others hummed in agreement. Although they said they weren’t going to mention any injuries, their fans could obviously see that they were hurt in the photos.

“It’s still better than not posting at all. There were a few misleading articles already...” Their manager trailed off.

“Misleading? What do you mean?” Jinyoung asked.

“Well-“ 

“They thought we died,” Dongwoo interrupted their manager, staring at what he just read on the phone in shock.

“What!?” They all said collectively. 

“They...thought we died...” Dongwoo said, worriedly focusing on the comments.

“That’s what some of the articles were...” Their manager sighed.

“How did that come up?” Sunwoo asked, almost angrily.

“It was announced by the police that there had been a fatality in the accident, but they never specified who,” their manager answered solemnly.

“Well, whose dumb idea was that!?”

“Sunwoo,” Jinyoung reprimanded sharply. He understood why he was upset, but it wasn’t a problem he could fix by yelling.

“Sorry,” he sighed, attempting to relinquish his anger. “If there’s confusion right now, I don’t know what the media is going to say after that post.”

“I don’t want them to know...yet. About my leg,” Dongwoo said hesitantly, staring down at the picture on the phone.

“Luckily, I don’t think anyone does. We’ve been stuck in here for the past week,” their manager muttered.

Dongwoo didn’t say anything and just handed the phone back. Their manager continued, “Plus, I don’t think the company would want that information leaked right now. We already have to look into the legal aspects of everything that has happened and we don’t need a contract violation added onto it. Who knows where they’ll even begin with the mess we’re in.”

Their manager began to walk towards the door, “If you need me, I’ll be monitoring comments and trying to get some of these articles removed,” he finished before exiting the room.

“Great. Who knows what information is being spread about us! More rumors are probably going to be made up by those pictures we just posted, too,” Sunwoo said, agitated.

“Well, the situation most likely would have been worse if we didn’t do anything. Besides, everyone was really worried,” Junghwan stated.

“Lots of people already jumped to conclusions, not that I blame them, but I see where Sunwoo’s coming from,” Jinyoung added.

“What else could we do though? I think a simple tweet or a FanCafe post would have been too vague. The picture was probably the best thing that we could have done,” Chansik argued softly.

“Guys, can we please not argue about an Instagram post? Too many things are happening right now to fight about something like this,” Dongwoo interrupted, visibly annoyed. The room was quiet for a moment after Dongwoo’s outburst. 

“Yeah, sorry that I kept bringing it up,” Sunwoo apologized somberly. 

“I think we should go eat before hunger consumes our minds,” Chansik suggested, to which he was suddenly being pulled by Junghwan out of the room to race to the cafeteria. 

“We’ll see you later!!” Junghwan shouted as they left the room. 

Sunwoo sighed, “I gotta go make sure they don’t eat the entire cafeteria. We’ll be back up later,” he said before trailing after them.

The room was silent after the sound of Sunwoo’s footsteps faded away. Dongwoo’s voice pierced through the air, “Aren’t you hungry?”

Jinyoung nodded, “Yeah, I’m going to meet them down there,” he replied. “I was just wondering if you were okay from all those comments and articles.”

Dongwoo shook his head, “I mean, not really. I feel bad that all of our fans worried for so long without us saying anything. Especially, with all of the misinformation and rumors being spread. I guess, I really can’t shake the death-related comments off.”

“Yeah, I know. At least that post will deny a lot of what people are saying,” Jinyoung tried to reassure.

Dongwoo sighed, “Yeah, but I just can’t get out of my head that there was a possibility that we really could have died that night. It doesn’t make it better that people thought we actually did,” he admitted.

“I guess then we should just see it as we should be thankful that that didn’t happen,” Jinyoung spoke softly, voice filled with concern.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Dongwoo murmured quietly. “Thanks for checking up on me, though,” he said giving a small smile.

“I just don’t want you to be stressing over anything by yourself,” Jinyoung returned the tender smile.

Dongwoo leaned over on the side of his bed and reached a hand out to cup a side of Jinyoung’s face. Gently directing him closer to him, Dongwoo sweetly placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you,” he beamed, before laughing at Jinyoung’s bright red cheeks.

Jinyoung had ended up excusing himself from Dongwoo’s room because he ‘needed to check to see if Sunwoo was actually stopping Junghwan and Chansik from eating the entire cafeteria,’ but in all honesty, he was embarrassed of the effect that Dongwoo apparently had on him. He was greatly thankful for the mask he had to wear when he walked through the hospital, since it hid his furious blush.

When he got down to the cafeteria, he spotted the three sitting at a table in a corner of the room and made their way over to them. He noticed they had thoughtfully gotten him a plate of food when they obnoxiously called his name and started pointing to it. They were still trying to stay undercover, but they were required to eat in public places since they couldn’t take the food up to the rooms, so yelling his name across the room wasn’t going to do much.

Jinyoung slid in the empty seat next to Sunwoo, leaning his crutches against the wall and placing his lyric book in his lap. He began quietly eating as the other three carried on a conversation. His mind drifted to the dream he had last night. It was scary, like the first couple of ones they had. He hadn’t mentioned it to Dongwoo, since he was so worried about rumors, but he had looked into it a bit.

Both storm and thunder signified extreme anger, or suppressed anger. Dongwoo had been acting a little annoyed lately, but it wasn’t like he held all this rage. He wasn’t really able to imagine that. Dongwoo was too understanding to feel that way. And also, the thunder seemed to be painful for him in the dream. He had assumed it was louder for him, but Dongwoo had felt the need to protect him from the storm, as if it was dangerous.

It had to embody a person, especially since he called it ‘he.’ It could possibly be related to demonic dreams, since his eyes grew darker when the sky turned black, which would honestly explain why he would want to run away from it.

But, who is ‘he?’ Is there anyone that Dongwoo could possibly be angry or upset with?

Jinyoung suddenly remembered what Mrs. Shin had told him. Dongwoo doesn’t have a good relationship with his father. She said that he holds a grudge against him, so she’s been trying to get them to talk. But, does that mean he’s truly angry with him? And why would he be so mad at him? What did he do? He didn’t seem like the friendliest person in the world, but he had to have some redeeming qualities.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Sunwoo call his name, “Huh?” He said, disoriented.

He raised an eyebrow, “You okay? You were just kinda staring off into space,” he asked, his voice filled with concern.

Jinyoung shook his head quickly, “Yeah, sorry. I guess I just got lost in my thoughts,” he said.

“We’ve been here for way too long,” Junghwan moaned, which Chansik made a sound of agreement to.

“How much longer do we have to stay here?” The youngest asked, leaning his head on Junghwan’s shoulder.

Sunwoo shook his head, “I’m not sure. Dongwoo’s been doing physical therapy, so maybe when he finishes that?”

“That’s just to keep his muscles moving until he gets his casts removed. Doesn’t he have to get fit for a prosthetic?” Junghwan asked.

Everyone kept quiet, not answering his question. They all knew that it was going to happen, but they could only imagine how Dongwoo would feel about it. He didn’t want other people to know yet, whether that was to not cause panic or he was insecure about it, they didn’t know.

Also, the word, prosthetic. It wasn’t settling thinking about it. Prosthetic limbs are for people who fought and risked their lives in wars, not for a K-Pop idol. An idol was someone who was perfect. Although, while most fans did not mind if their favorite singers had flaws, businesses and critics did. It was the one thing that could prevent them from singing together again. 

“That’s tomorrow...” Jinyoung mumbled, breaking the silence. “Well, he’s just getting a temporary one right now, but still.”

Sunwoo patted his hand down on the table, “Well, we’ll all be there,” he said firmly, giving a small smile. They all gave a confident nod, eager to support their friend. Only being able to imagine what Dongwoo feels about the situation, they just hoped he didn’t feel alone. They would all be by his side until the end.


	27. Le Mensonge

_“You keep appearing in my dreams_

_But I can’t remember your face_

_Everything about me is the same, but where are you?_

_I can only feel you through my dreams_

_Your scent, your sound, I can’t let you go, I’m sorry.”_

_The sound of static filled the air, sounding like an old radio. While there may have been some music playing, it was muffled and the lyrics were unintelligible. However, this was all drowned out by the sounds of the heavy thunderstorm occurring outside. It appeared to be so dark out there that you could barely see anything through the window._

_Jinyoung opened his eyes and his gaze met with the cold, stone floor. His eyes trailed across the room, hovering over the tons of canvases and sheets that were lying everywhere. There were art supplies, books, and a large variety of furniture scattered throughout. The room itself appeared to be garage-like, though. The walls were covered in wood boards with a multitude of photos and projects on them, which gave it a crafty feeling._

_It wasn’t until Jinyoung noticed a figure lying beside him, he quickly sat up, though relaxing once he realized that it was Dongwoo. He was still sleeping, appearing to be the most tranquil that he had seen him in a while. In the midst of observing him, he noted that his leg was back to normal and had not melted off like he had previously suspected._

_Jinyoung let out a sigh of relief and leaned back on his hands. He looked around the room for a window. There weren’t many, but he was able to find one across the room. It was storming heavily. The sky was so dark, that he could barely see anything through the window. Although the thunder was really loud and powerful, it didn’t seem to affect Dongwoo in any way right now. Shaking his head, Jinyoung pushed himself up and walked over to a nearby table, where he picked up a clean bed sheet. He dragged it back over to where Dongwoo was lying and neatly placed it on top of him as a blanket. He made sure to not interrupt his rest as he knelt down and gently placed a kiss on his temple._

_He stood back up and began to make his way around the room, which was like a maze with the amount of stuff in it. Jinyoung passed by easels with paintings of random blotches of colors and an incomprehensible mix of multiple languages. He eventually came along a sheet that had an array of paint marks and scribbles covering it. In the middle, it read ‘Le Mensonge.’ He studied the writing, recognizing that it was in French, but not knowing what it meant._

_“Le mensonge,” a soft voice said from behind Jinyoung. He turned around to find Dongwoo standing there staring at the same sheet. His eyes had returned back to their normal warm brown color, despite it being dark and stormy outside._

_“Did you write this?” Jinyoung asked. Dongwoo fixed his gaze on him and didn’t reply. Instead, he just walked past him and continued his tour around the room. Confused, Jinyoung followed after him._

_Dongwoo led him throughout the large space, zig-zagging through the large stacks of books that were scattered all over the floor. They were all in French. The books appeared to be a mix of study resources and novels, while short sentences adorned the canvases. Jinyoung was only able to make out a couple of English cognates, like “content” and fatigué.” Jinyoung’s thoughts were interrupted when Dongwoo stopped in an opening, where there was a blanket spread out in the middle of the floor. Blank canvases and tubes of acrylic paints laid on top of it, along with paintbrushes and other supplies._

_“Come sit,” Dongwoo said, taking a seat on the floor. Jinyoung followed, immediately receiving a paintbrush once he sat down. He took the brush from Dongwoo, for which he gave him an odd look for doing so._

_“You sure like to paint,” Jinyoung murmured, running his finger over the bristles. He looked over to Dongwoo, who had already begun painting on his canvas._

_“It’s an outlet,” he replied. “There are ways you need to express your thoughts when you’re unable to say them.”_

_Jinyoung frowned, “But you don’t actually paint. In reality.”_

_Dongwoo looked up at him from his painting, “It’s just a metaphor,” he answered._

_He jumped slightly when Jinyoung dropped his paintbrush in frustration, “You keep saying that! You said the song is a metaphor and now this!” He groaned._

_Dongwoo picked up the brush and placed it back in his hand. Jinyoung grumpily accepted it, still not touching any of the paints. Dongwoo peered at him, which Jinyoung just looked away, slightly annoyed that he was this calm after his own little outburst._

_“You’re not as observant as you think you are,” the older boy muttered, returning to his painting. “You need to apply whatever happens in reality to this realm. There’s more going on than you realize.”_

_Jinyoung stared at him in disbelief, but still with slight irritation. Dongwoo noticed this out of the corner of his eye and continued, “Observe your surroundings and keep an eye on those who are lost in reality. Life isn’t a dream. Some people just haven’t woken up to realize that.”_

_Jinyoung didn’t respond. He kept his gaze lazily focused on Dongwoo’s painting, which appeared to be a face. It wasn’t recognizable and it wasn’t complete either. Black brush strokes crossed over the image of the face, though, which seemed to look like cracks or slashes._

_This time, Jinyoung jumped when Dongwoo moved quickly. He whipped around and stared at an old radio. The song had stopped and it sounded like there was a voice. It was particularly deep, but it was incoherent, as the speaker was mumbling. However, Dongwoo kept his concentration focused on the old device. It was almost eerie. It was like he was either searching for something, or he was listening, like he could understand the voice perfectly._

_“Dongwoo…?” Jinyoung whispered hesitantly. Dongwoo slowly turned his head and met his gaze. His eyes were wide, like he had seen a ghost._

_The next thing they knew, there was a cracking sound coming from above them. Quickly glancing up, they noticed that the ceiling was breaking and caving in on itself. It appeared to be slow motion as the pieces began to fall, but Jinyoung found that he was unable to move. His body wasn’t listening to what his mind was commanding. Being so focused on trying to move, Jinyoung failed to prepare himself for the force of Dongwoo pushing him over, practically diving over him, as a way to protect him from the falling chunks of concrete and metal that were bound to crush his frail body._

_Before everything turned black, Jinyoung was able to make out the voice. However, it was so much more clear, like the speaker was right next to him, whispering into his ear._

_“C’est un mensonge.”_


	28. My Sincerest Apologies, I'm Breaking A Promise

Jinyoung felt as if he was boring holes into Dongwoo’s soul by the way he was staring at him, as if he could somehow scan his mind through his fixated gaze. Although it looked a little creepy, he had somewhat of an excuse since everyone else was watching him get his bandages checked by the nurses. Nevertheless, his mind was elsewhere. Jinyoung knew Dongwoo had basically told him to stay out of his business and he would like to obey his wish, but for some reason, he felt like it was wrong to do so. Especially since last night’s dream, where Dongwoo actually told him to be more observant, he’s been debating whether he should go with his gut or risk hurting their relationship. Their bond had grown stronger since the accident and Jinyoung didn’t want to break that.

However, he found that his mind kept trailing back to the first option. It was gnawing at him, that if Dongwoo’s secret was so great that he wasn’t even able to speak of it, then what was he allowing to happen by not doing anything? He was obviously hurting from it. He had been for years and they didn’t do anything. Of course, they would have done something, but they didn’t know anything about his problems, which just only seemed to make it worse.

“Do you know how much longer we have to stay here?” Junghwan asked, pulling Jinyoung out of his thoughts. He was slung over a chair, lazily leaning on Chansik, who was leaning on a visibly exhausted Sunwoo. They had discussed this yesterday at breakfast, but none of them had a clue. Now, they were currently waiting for the physical therapist and prosthetist to come in and it seemed as if everyone was losing their patience. 

“I don’t know. The doctor never really said,” Dongwoo replied, eyes focused on the bandage that a nurse was beginning to peel off. Quickly forgetting the question, they all leaned closer to get a better look at what was now a long, jagged scab on the left side of Dongwoo’s face. The wound wasn’t very deep, but it covered a lot of skin, which made it appear worse than it actually was. Following that, the nurse then removed the smaller bandage on the right side of his face and simply instructed Dongwoo to not touch it until it became completely healed.

“By the looks of it, it shouldn’t be too much longer,” the nurse said, answering Junghwan’s previous question.

“What’ll happen afterwards?” Chansik asked softly. Dongwoo eyed him before looking away. 

They couldn’t blame the youngest for being curious. In fact, they were all wondering the same thing, but they were overclouded by the possibility of nothing happening after this. There was only one more year until their contract was up for renewal, but the accident could give the company an excuse to terminate it early. It was likely “losing a leg” violated something within their agreement, since it didn’t fit the ideal image of an idol. Hell, their shirts weren’t allowed to accidentally slide up, exposing the smallest bit of skin, before they had to have a meeting on how to maintain their image.

“Well, we have a lot of upcoming meetings,” their manager spoke up. “I’ve been trying to settle all the chaos, so it won’t be as intense in person.” He said, typing on his phone, giving it a look of annoyance.

He continued, “Also, it seems that the post on Instagram yesterday has created even more rumors. It never ends.” He sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Great. What is it this time?” Sunwoo mumbled in irritation. Their manager hesitated and looked over at Dongwoo before responding. Based on the uncomfortable look on his face, he probably didn’t want to hear it.

“People are trying to guess your injuries, basically,” he shook his head, looking back at his phone.

It was probably better that he kept the information to himself, as no one should be worrying about anything else that they cannot control. Especially, since people were beginning to freak out that Dongwoo had some sort of internal bleeding or injury to his spine.

“Oh, fantastic,” Sunwoo said sarcastically, plopping his head in his hand.

“I know it sounds bad, but we’re trying to keep it under control and maintain the false rumors. At least it’s not as bad as before,” he attempted to reconcile. “I don’t want you guys to worry about any of this. I’ll handle it. I’m not saying to completely stay off social media, but I wouldn’t recommend reading what some people are saying. Now, if you do post something, it does have to be approved first, but you’re still allowed to do so.” 

He continued, “However, you may find some nice things. I’ve seen fans creating a lot of art and photo edits for you guys, even projects, too,” he gave a soft smile, trying to ease them.

“Well, it’s good that something positive came out of it,” Junghwan quietly suggested, trying to be optimistic. It took the others a moment to nod in agreement. There was no doubt that he was right, it was just difficult to look at the hopeful side of things.

“Wait. What kind of projects?” Jinyoung asked. 

“I saw a few support ones and then some are actually trying to raise money for you guys,” their manager responded.

“No. I-we can’t just take their money,” Dongwoo stuttered. Although, he tried to cover his slip-up, everyone knew that he felt guilty because he knew the money would go toward his hospital expenses. “It’s too expensive. They shouldn’t be paying for it,” he mumbled, pulling the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands, obviously uncomfortable.

“Well, it’s technically a donation, but I’m not sure if it’s even completely legal for us to take the money, honestly. I think it might be if it were for you, but since WM is a for-profit company, they can’t take it themselves,” their manager pondered out loud. Dongwoo didn’t respond, knowing that by commenting, he wouldn’t be able to stop people from all over the world from sending their money.

Breaking the silence that had began to fall upon the room, the door opened, “Hi, guys!” Dongwoo’s mother greeted as she walked into the room with her husband and the doctor. A mixture of hello’s and waves were thrown back. 

“Oh, honey, you got your bandages taken off? Your cuts are healing quickly,” she smiled sincerely, as she and her husband sat down in the chairs at the end of the bed. Dongwoo looked up at her, but didn’t reply.

Jinyoung peered over at him. Dongwoo tore his gaze away from his mother and kept it focused on his hands rested in his lap. He didn’t have any recognizable expression on his face, only a blank stare.

Jinyoung looked over to Mrs. Shin, who was now engaged in a conversation with the doctor. His eyes trailed over to Dongwoo’s father. He appeared to be tired. Dark circles were visible underneath his eyes and he looked like he really did not want to be there. From what he could tell, he seemed annoyed.

Jinyoung averted his eyes from his gaze once Mr. Shin caught his stare. He just focused his attention on his hands lying in his lap. Dongwoo noticed his movement, and knowingly sent a look to his father, who just avoided his gaze in return.

The tension in the room was broken when the door opened once again, this time the prosthetist and the physical therapist entered the room. Eager to start, they began getting their supplies ready. For Dongwoo, it felt like an eternity watching them. He didn’t really like doing physical therapy and he knew he wasn’t going to like having to do it in front of everyone else. Especially, since he was getting fit for a prosthetic today. Which is why he couldn’t take his eyes off the bag they had with them. It was long and shaped oddly enough for him to know what was inside.

“We’re going to try to get you standing today,” the prosthetist gave him a warm smile. Dongwoo raised his eyebrows at her. 

“Huh, what?” He asked in surprise, like she had caught him off guard. The doctor had removed his cast and replaced it with a walking boot, since they had wanted him to try and keep his strength as much as possible. They thought it would be easier when adjusting to a prosthetic if he didn’t wait until his leg was healed before walking again.

“It’s why we switched you over to a boot from your cast,” the doctor informed. “Normally, we would insert a rod into the bone, but I don’t think that you should be going into surgery unless absolutely necessary.”

His comment didn’t seem to ease his anxiety. It didn’t seem very safe and he was worried that it was going to be painful. He made it appear that his body wouldn’t even physiologically be able to support him. “Don’t worry. The break in your right leg wasn’t that severe. You should be fine,” the doctor chuckled at Dongwoo’s worried expression.

“It will be fine!” The prosthetist intervened confidently. “We definitely would not be doing this if it wasn’t going to help you. It’s much better that we start this process as early as we possibly can rather than waiting,” she smiled. 

“We took your measurements from one of our previous sessions and got your training prosthetic, here,” she said lightly patting the bag on the counter. “We’re going to start off with talking about proper care before we jump in. It’s a lot and I want to make sure you learn how to do this properly.”

She seemed very nice and was clearly passionate about her job, but from Dongwoo’s perspective, he’d rather avoid her as much as possible. He didn’t think that he would be able to make it through her long explanation.

The prosthetist conducted her presentation, which was actually much shorter than Dongwoo had anticipated. Which, he wasn’t sure if he was thankful for or not, since now he would actually have to start his therapy.

Handing him a sock, she smiled, “Roll up your pant leg and put this on. You should try because you need to learn how to do this yourself.” Dongwoo stared at her for a moment before hesitantly taking the sock from her grasp. 

He felt vulnerable and beyond embarrassed. Something about the fact that he now has a stump for a leg and that he is going to need assistance to help him walk for the rest of his life made him feel so unbelievably helpless. That was ignoring the fact that he now had to do this in front of all his friends and his parents. Especially his father. It was going to be a living hell.

Reluctantly, he pulled up his pant leg over his knee and just avoided everyone’s stares. He heard a couple of stifled, soft gasps. He understood that it was swollen, and ugly, and-

“Woah, your knee is SO bruised!” Junghwan exclaimed in awe. Dongwoo looked up at him to see his mouth agape and eyes wide, “It’s almost completely black!”

“It’s actually a lot better than it was a week ago, so it’s healing nicely,” the doctor budged in. Junghwan was at a loss for words before sputtering, “W-wait, it was worse!?”

Dongwoo could almost laugh at what he was saying, but it was so far off from what he expected, that it just shocked him. He ended up staring at Junghwan with a weird, crooked grin and a confused look on his face.

Next thing he knew, Jinyoung burst out laughing, “Oh my god, you should see both of your faces!” Junghwan then followed, laughing twice as hard as before.

Dongwoo smiled at everyone suddenly finding entertainment in the smallest things. While they were distracted, though, he took this moment as an opportunity to slip the sock on over his leg. Surprisingly, he felt slightly better with it covering the scars and discoloration on his skin.

The prosthetist gathered their attention back to explain a few more technical details. It took the others a while to calm down, but they eventually were able to concentrate. 

After a while, the prosthetist eventually walked over to the bag laying on the counter. Everything felt like it was taking an eternity, yet happening so fast. Dongwoo’s gaze was piercing as he stared at her opening up the bag and pulling out what was inside. 

The leg was odd and discomforting. It didn’t fit right and Dongwoo absolutely hated it. The doctors kept assuring him that it was only temporary, but that didn’t help him in his current situation. They wanted him to try to walk. 

Dongwoo was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to stand, especially since he was about to put all of his weight on his broken right leg. The doctors said he would be fine, but he was worried that something would go wrong. He saw everyone around him watching him intensely, gripping the edges of their chairs tightly, worried for him. It made him feel even more uneasy.

Expecting to feel pain, Dongwoo hesitantly put his right foot down, so he could be helped up. The physical therapist smiled when he realized that it didn’t hurt. It just happened to be a little uncomfortable and although he didn’t feel that strong from not walking for over a week, it was not as difficult as he anticipated that it would be to stand up.

He kept his gaze at his feet, avoiding the stares from everyone, as he took a step forward on his left leg. It was odd. Feeling so uncertain about what used to be such a simple action to him.

However, the pressure below his knee was weird. While it was still healing after a major surgery, this part of his body wasn’t meant to be such a strong support. It was shaky, unstable, and felt like he was walking on stilts that could give out at any second. The physical therapist and a nurse were trying their best to keep him upright without touching any of his injuries. He wasn’t allowed to use crutches or use any other support because of his broken hand and arm. 

After a couple steps, Dongwoo thought that he was actually getting the hang of it. It wasn’t as difficult as he expected it to be. He thought that maybe he could start walking on his own sooner than he thought. However, that was short lived once he took another step.

His breath hitched and he tensed up. “It hurts,” Dongwoo let out weakly as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to relieve pressure off his right leg the best he could while still standing.

“It hurts?” The doctor asked, slightly bewildered. “It’s not supposed to hurt. Let him sit back down.”

They helped Dongwoo back to his bed before checking out his leg to make sure he didn’t cause any more damage to it. Luckily, it was fine, but the doctor recommended to keep his weight off of it for a while.

Everyone decided that that was enough for the day and that Dongwoo should probably rest. They thanked the doctor and the rest of the staff before they left. Once the door shut, Mrs. Shin clapped excitedly with her phone in her hand having obviously taken pictures.

“Oh, honey, that was great!” She grinned. “It looked so easy for you!”

“It usually takes people so much longer to even balance with a prosthetic and you did it on your first try!” Junghwan said in awe, to which Chansik added a small “Yes!” to.

Dongwoo frowned. He knew that he was doing good, but he didn’t feel like he had accomplished anything. He felt like he was back where he started.

“Think of it this way. When your leg actually heals, getting back on your feet will be a walk in the park. Literally,” Jinyoung gave a small sheepish smile, to which Dongwoo let out a breathy laugh.

“Jinyoung, that was horrible,” Sunwoo commented, unimpressed. The atmosphere in the room lit up as everyone laughed. Dongwoo smiled. Maybe this was the beginning of them being able to sing together again.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asked, concerned. Dongwoo shrugged.

They were the only ones in the room now. After the doctors left, it wasn’t long before Dongwoo’s mother ushered everyone out of the room to go grab lunch.

“Well, that wasn’t the best situation that I’ve ever been in,” he admitted, muttering his response. He looked down at his hands resting in his lap, “It was a little nerve-wracking.”

“You did good, though,” he gave a hopeful smile.

Dongwoo looked back up to face Jinyoung and gave him a small smile in return, “It wasn’t as easy as it looked, though. It sorta felt like I was walking on stilts.”

“Well, you’ll get it eventually,” he attempted to sound encouraging. Dongwoo’s smile fell.

“What’s the matter?” Jinyoung asked, worried that he said something wrong. Dongwoo avoided his gaze and sighed.

“Well, not only is learning how to walk again physically draining, but it isn’t fun when you have to do it in front of your friends and family,” he rolled his eyes and placed a hand on his forehead. “Especially when your mother takes pictures.”

Jinyoung felt slightly guilty about the fact that everyone had planned to come to the physical therapy session. If he had known that Dongwoo really didn’t like it, he could have asked the others to not go. But then again, all they wanted to do was be supportive.

Jinyoung grabbed Dongwoo’s hand, removing and bringing it down from his face. The older boy turned to face him.

“Does it make you uncomfortable or,” he paused shortly, trying to be careful with his words. “Embarrassed?”

“Both?” He said hesitantly. “I guess I’m too preoccupied about what other people think. That’s hard to change when your career is entirely based on that.” 

“That’s understandable, but we weren’t trying to make you feel that way. We were only trying to be supportive,” Jinyoung gently squeezed his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Dongwoo sighed, dropping his head. “Now I feel like I’m being selfish.”

“No, you don’t have anything to apologize for,” Jinyoung replied, almost defensively. He quickly realized his anticipation and spoke more softly, “Nobody did anything wrong.”

“Thanks,” Dongwoo began. “But I don’t think I can find myself to believe that.”

Jinyoung frowned and placed his free hand on Dongwoo’s shoulder, causing him to look up at him, “We’re worried about you. We’re trying to help you, but something’s not letting us.”

He dropped his hand when Dongwoo responded, “You’re referring to what’s happening in the dreams aren’t you?”

Jinyoung nodded, causing Dongwoo to raise a brow, “I think you’re thinking about this too much.” He let go of his grasp to place his hand on his head, running it through his hair.

“I don’t think so?” Jinyoung said, confused at his change in attitude towards the subject. “I think there’s a reason why they’re happening? Don’t you want to figure it out?”

“I just think there are other things to worry about right now,” Dongwoo spoke softly.

He didn’t say anything else after that. Jinyoung stared at him, but Dongwoo avoided his gaze. The younger boy sighed, deciding to get right to the point, although it was risky.

“I know you’re mad at your dad,” it rang sharply and echoed throughout the room.

Dongwoo immediately scowled and turned to face Jinyoung, “I thought I told you to stay out of my business.” He had practically growled, his voice being so much stronger than before.

Jinyoung expected Dongwoo to react poorly to his statement, but he was still taken aback by his visceral reaction. However, it hurt to know that his suspicions were right, even if Dongwoo wasn’t going to directly tell him. 

“You can’t keep everything a secret forever,” he tried not to let the harshness of Dongwoo’s last comment affect him, but still found himself raising his voice to match the other’s.

“Says the person who said we should keep our entire relationship a secret,” Dongwoo retaliated.

“Those are two completely different situations,” Jinyoung tried to argue.

“There are some things that are not meant to be shared,” the older boy said quietly, suddenly losing the irritation in his voice. Jinyoung pursed his lips, giving Dongwoo a worried expression, before grabbing his crutches and standing up.

“I’m sorry that you feel that you can’t share your problems with us yet.”

Dongwoo was unable to say anything as he watched Jinyoung leave the room. He knew he made a mistake and he knew that he shouldn’t have reacted the way he did, but he had his own battle in his head that he wasn’t even able to sort out. It was impossible for anyone else to understand it if he didn’t.

He plopped his hands on his face and let out a breath, “God, what did I just do?”

Jinyoung found himself marching down the hall (well, the best he could), annoyed at Dongwoo and angry at himself for even initiating that conversation in the first place. Dongwoo’s comments were harsh and Jinyoung wasn’t ready for them. He found himself even trying to push back tears just because he was so upset with how it went.

He was on his way to the elevator to go meet the others downstairs, when he ran into Dongwoo’s father. He caught him by surprise, popping out of nowhere. Jinyoung tried to maintain his composure, since he was literally just talking about the man in front of him a minute ago.

“Oh, hello!” His eyes lit up as he greeted Mr. Shin.

“Jinyoung,” he said sternly. He seemed unamused by their encounter.

Jinyoung tried to excuse himself since he felt uncomfortable around him, plus the situation was becoming a little awkward. He nodded, bowing the best he could and tried to move around Mr. Shin. However, he found himself unable to move when Dongwoo’s father had place a hand on his shoulder.

“Hold on a second.”

Jinyoung cautiously peered up at him, “What is it?” 

The man’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he avoided eye contact with the boy as he tried to formulate his sentence. “What’s going on between you and Dongwoo?”

“What do you mean?” Jinyoung was surprised that the nervousness in his voice wasn’t audible. He was somehow maintaining a calm facade.

Mr. Shin glowered, “You know what I mean.” His voice felt cold.

He hesitated, “Uh, I think that’s something Dongwoo should talk to you about. I don’t think I have the right to say anything,” he explained vaguely, not wanting to make matters worse with Dongwoo right now. Mr. Shin raised an eyebrow at his response, like he had actually been expecting Jinyoung to tell him.

“I mean, he’s going through a lot right now, so I don’t think right now is the best time.” Jinyoung continued, trying to just talk until Dongwoo’s father left him alone.

He spoke after a brief moment of collecting his thoughts, “I know you two think you are good at hiding things, but I know what you’re up to,” he spoke with a serious tone. “If I were you, I’d stay away.”

Mr. Shin then dropped his hand from Jinyoung’s shoulder and continued down the hall. Jinyoung turned and watched him head off in awe and fear of who he was. After Dongwoo’s father had vanished around a corner, Jinyoung turned back around to go toward the elevators, wondering if what the man had said was a warning or a threat.


	29. We Need a Break Now Baby, Let's Leave This Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mentions of blood

_Jinyoung woke up to the feeling of rain drops softly dropping onto his face. Opening his eyes, he stared up directly in to the dark, black sky, where the clouds were so dense, it was almost terrifying. Another storm was coming and he could tell it was going to start pouring soon._

_Slowly sitting up, he noticed that he was in the middle of a field with long, overgrown plants. However, he rested uncomfortably on a dirt road. It looked like it was man-made, that someone had been here before. It was messy with tire tracks engraved into the ground and scattered dead plants everywhere._

_“Dongwoo?” He called out softly, turning to see the boy lying a few feet away from him. He was lying on his side, facing away from him._

_Jinyoung got up and dusted the dirt off of his pants. He walked over and crouched down in front of him._

_“Dongwoo,” he spoke softly._

_Jinyoung waited for a brief moment, hoping he’d wake up easily. However, he should have known that wouldn’t be the case, since Dongwoo was a heavy sleeper._

_He felt the rain begin to accumulate and fall harder. Before they knew it, they’d be soaked out here. Although, he didn’t know where to go. It didn’t seem like there was any sort of shelter that they could reside in until the storm passed, but they needed to find something._

_Flinching at the raindrops starting to fall on his face, he called Dongwoo’s name more hurriedly this time. He didn’t move again, not to his surprise. He just lied there, untouched by the rain._

_Jinyoung stared at the older boy. There were no raindrops hitting his skin. He was completely dry. It was as if he wasn’t there to begin with._

_Jinyoung reached a hand out to grab his shoulder, hoping to be able to wake him by shaking him. He froze in fear when his hand phased right through his body. Although he could see him, he was intangible, as if he were a ghost._

_Jinyoung drew back his hand and stared at it in disbelief. He couldn’t seem to form any words, focused on his trembling hand._

_“DONGWOO!” He painfully mustered, in the raspiest and creakiest voice. He fell forward, leaning on his palms in desperation._

_Jinyoung felt a pang of relief shoot through his chest once Dongwoo’s eyes fluttered open. He breathed out, releasing all of his tension. Collapsing forward into his arms, he buried his head._

_He couldn’t cry. Not here and not now. It was the wrong time._

_Jinyoung lifted his head, peeking at Dongwoo. His eyes were black once again and he didn’t seem very responsive. He just looked, what Jinyoung thought was forward, and blinked lazily every few seconds._

_He seemed so helpless, yet Jinyoung couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t get him to respond to him, let alone get him to help them find somewhere where they would be out of the storm. He was beginning to feel too overwhelmed and although he tried to push the tears back, he couldn’t hold back his emotions._

_Jinyoung buried his face into his crossed arms once again and let out a heart-wrenching sob. He had tried not to cry in front of Dongwoo. He was trying so hard to be strong for him, since he was hurting the most, but Jinyoung couldn’t help it now. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears began to rush down his face._

_Jinyoung didn’t know how long he sat there, hunching over before Dongwoo, but when he peeked up, he was gone. He hoped it was just that his vision had blurred from the tears, but even after wiping his eyes, he realized Dongwoo was no longer there._

_Whipping around, he saw him standing not too far away. Although he probably should have felt relieved, his panic ensued. How was Dongwoo standing when he couldn’t even talk a few minutes ago?_

_Jinyoung felt too afraid to move. He just sat on the ground, staring at Dongwoo, who was looking up at the sky. Jinyoung didn’t know what he was doing. He was almost too still._

_Eventually mustering up enough energy and courage to stand up, Jinyoung reluctantly took small steps toward him. He didn’t get very far before attempting to call out the other boy’s name once more._

_Dongwoo immediately turned to face him, “I warned you, didn’t I?” Jinyoung felt himself jerk back, surprised. The tone of his voice wasn’t cocky or condescending. In fact, it didn’t seem to have much emotion in it at all. Jinyoung’s only response was a sniffle, as a result from crying._

_“Do you see what happens when you don’t listen?” Dongwoo spoke loud, almost yelling. A powerful boom of thunder then shook the ground, making Jinyoung’s legs start to feel weak. Shortly afterwards, lightning lit up the sky, followed by thunder again. It was as if the louder he spoke, the worse the storm progressed._

_Jinyoung stood there stunned in fear when Dongwoo began laughing. Hysterically and maniacally. It was like he had gone completely insane. Jinyoung had never seen him laugh this hard before or even be so loud in his life._

_Dongwoo noticed Jinyoung’s discomfort and tilted his head to the side, “None of us are safe! Look you at you!” He taunted. “Not even safe in your own imagination!” Dongwoo shouted, voice echoing over the storm. He chuckled as thunder continued to explode through the sky. The rain was so strong now that it felt like rocks were falling on Jinyoung._

_Before he knew it, Jinyoung was sprinting away from Dongwoo. His body had a mind of its own and instinctively began running away from him. He didn’t know what was happening and had no idea what to do. He had a feeling that he’s doing exactly whatever is possessing Dongwoo wants him to do._

_Fear him._

_He didn’t know where he was going, especially since Dongwoo had told him that this place-his own imagination-wasn’t safe. He just knew that he had to leave NOW._

_The dirt road had become muddy and mushy, causing him to get stuck and slide a few times. Jinyoung was scared to fall. It would hinder him from escaping and he didn’t know if there was anything following him. He was sure as hell that he wasn’t going to look back and check, though._

_It was becoming so dark and the storm was getting so powerful that it began to make it difficult to see. Eventually, Jinyoung came upon a wooden fence. He didn’t have much time after noticing that it was there before making the decision to jump over it. Or, try to._

_Jinyoung’s breath hitched as he felt his foot get caught. Time slowed down as he flopped over the fence, anticipating his fall._

_Unable to move his hands to brace himself, Jinyoung’s chest slammed first into the ground, quickly followed by his chin. He felt himself briefly slide through the rough and wet dirt before coming to halt not too far from the fence. It should have hurt, but pain didn’t register for him. He looked up and saw that the forest was further past the fencing. It was practically mocking him, being so close, but he couldn’t make it._

_He’s never been able to make it._

* * *

_Jinyoung woke up lying on his stomach. His body was smushed into the rough, wet dirt, not too far from the fence he had tripped over. He placed his hands down and weakly attempted to push himself up. Once he sat up, he looked down and noticed his clothes were completely covered in mud and blood had seeped through both of his shirts. Underneath, his chest was scratched up and was still bleeding slowly._

_He sighed, just sitting there, allowing the rain to fall onto him, soaking his hair and clothes, trying to process what had happened earlier. Lost in his thoughts, it took him a while to notice that something wasn’t right with his leg. He couldn’t see it, but it felt odd. He rolled up his pants to see his leg was in the same state as it was earlier, after the car accident. It was broken and the skin was split open._

_At this point, Jinyoung was just so exhausted and confused. He didn’t know why this was happening and how he didn’t have a way to tend to his injuries. Tearing his attention away from his thoughts, he heard rapid footsteps pounding on the dirt. He looked over and saw Dongwoo running down the road he had previously come from. He looked worried, completely different than earlier._

_Dongwoo jumped the fence that Jinyoung had attempted to with ease. He crouched down next to him, “Jinyoung,” he said, out of breath. “You’re hurt.”_

_He reached out gently for Jinyoung’s chin, tilting his head up slightly. Jinyoung tensed up, hesitating in fear that this may not actually be Dongwoo. He had noticed his apprehension and sighed, letting go of his face._

_“Dongwoo,” Jinyoung’s voice was weak and it was cracking. “What the_ **_hell_ ** _is going on?”_

_Dongwoo bit his lip and sat down. He rubbed his face with hands before letting out a sigh, “I’m sorry.” He paused, taking in a breath and dropping his hands to the ground. “I’ll fix it soon. I promise.” It was all that he could bring himself to say._

_Jinyoung didn’t seem to appreciate that answer very much, but before he could respond, Dongwoo continued, “We need to get out of here. We shouldn’t be here. Especially in your state.”_

_Jinyoung kept quiet, knowing that he wouldn’t get anything out of him right now. Dongwoo shifted his weight so that he was on his knees, and placed an arm on Jinyoung’s back and one under his knees, picking him up bridal style. The action itself not only caught him off guard, but it was also because Dongwoo picked him up like he was weightless._

_Dongwoo stood up and began making his way through the field. Jinyoung lied tense in his arms, clearly uncomfortable with the fact that he completely vulnerable, but he quickly grew too tired to care about that anymore. He was too tired to try to even focus on wherever they could possibly be going. Jinyoung eventually just relaxed and laid his his head on Dongwoo’s shoulder, letting exhaustion overcome him and pull him into a slumber._


	30. I Know We Can't Go Back, but I Wish We Could Be Happy Again

Everyone seemed to have much more energy compared to yesterday. They were much more optimistic about their future and what was to come for Dongwoo. 

That was the topic of the conversation at breakfast. Jinyoung didn’t join in, though. He kept quiet, eyes focused on his plate of food that he couldn’t bring himself to eat. He was still upset about what had happened yesterday, more so with himself, really. He was a little annoyed at Dongwoo, but he knew that he shouldn’t be. He had his reasons for what he said. However, they were reasons that he shouldn’t keep hiding.

“Jinyoung,” he looked up at Sunwoo, who was watching him pick at his food. “Why aren’t you eating?”

Returning his gaze to his food, he mumbled, “Not hungry.”

“Is something wrong?” The chatter at the table stopped and Jinyoung noticed that all three pairs of eyes were on him. He gave up and sighed.

“Dongwoo and I got into an argument.”

The sound of a fork hitting the table broke the silence between them. “You two got into a fight!?” Chansik practically shouted. Everyone stared at Jinyoung in awe, as if they couldn’t believe what he had just said. 

“No!” Jinyoung defended, trying to hush the youngest. “It wasn’t a fight! We weren’t yelling at each other or anything!”

“You managed to get Dongwoo to disagree with you though,” Junghwan intervened. “That on its own is a fight if it’s with him.”

Chansik nodded, confirming what Junghwan said, “Dongwoo is scary when you do something he doesn’t agree with.”

“Ugh, you guys,” Jinyoung groaned, slumping in his chair and plopping his head down onto the palms of his hands.

“Hold on, this is a historical moment right here. Dongwoo and Jinyoung’s first fight. I thought I’d never see the day,” Junghwan said dramatically, grabbing onto Chansik as he did so.

Jinyoung covered his face with his hands before groaning once again, “It wasn’t a fight!”

Sunwoo tried to make the other two keep quiet. To no avail, he just decided to try to ignore their laughter. “What was it about?” 

“Exactly.” Jinyoung mumbled into his hands. Sunwoo gave him a confused look, not understanding his response. 

“What?” He asked in hope of clarification.

Jinyoung dropped his hands and looked back up at him, “It was about something he’s not telling me. I don’t know.” He wasn’t lying, but it was a little too personal to just announce to everyone right now.

“Oh,” he replied, not sure of what else to say to him or what he should even do in this kind of situation. Sunwoo returned his focus back to Jinyoung, who had gone back to poking at his food again.

“Hey, Manager told me this,” he began, gathering Jinyoung’s attention. “I’m pretty sure the police are coming here today. They want to see the extent of Dongwoo’s injuries and get any information out of him that they can. I guess they’re trying to figure out all the legal aspects of this whole thing still,” he rambled, then shaking his head. “Anyways, you might get something out of him then?” 

“Thanks,” he muttered. “But, probably not.”

“Well, it’s a worth a shot,” he said hopefully. “We’re not allowed to go up there while they’re talking to him, but we can go afterwards.”

“Oh great,” Jinyoung murmured. He was pretty sure Dongwoo wasn’t going to want to talk to him after yesterday.

After breakfast, everyone gathered in the lobby. There wasn’t much to do besides watch the one TV that was just constantly playing the news or read old tabloids that were sitting on a nearby table. They weren’t really paying attention to their surroundings until they heard their names being mentioned.

They looked up at the TV and saw the last photo they had posted on Instagram plastered on the screen. Although it was nine days after the accident, they were still explaining it like it had just happened.

“Oh, well that’s wonderful,” Sunwoo mumbled sarcastically. As if the TV could hear him, it then displayed images from after the accident, featuring the crushed vehicle and debris scattered everywhere. He rolled his eyes at the photo.

No one else spoke, too uncomfortable and in shock to say a word. The silence was soon broken, though, when an officer approached them.

“Can I speak with you for a minute?” It was directed towards their manager. He nodded and walked away with the officer, leaving everyone confused. They thought that something might have happened upstairs, but they weren’t sure why the police would want to come talk to their manager if something did.

“What was that about?” Junghwan asked, watching their manager disappear around the corner. Chansik shrugged.

“Uh, probably that,” Sunwoo pointed at the TV.

The news now had a photo of Dongwoo displayed. They had started to explain that they now have strongly supported suspicions that he has a severe leg injury. 

“Multiple sources have said that it had been crushed in the crash and that he had to have an extensive surgery following the accident,” the news anchor explained. They all just stared at the screen in shock, eyes wide and mouths agape.

“What the hell!?” Jinyoung had to keep himself from shouting. 

“D-did they just say that?” Chansik stuttered. Everyone else just continued to stare at the TV, unable to form a response.

“Yes, they did,” their manager answered, coming up from behind them. He looked even more exhausted from a couple minutes ago. “That’s what that officer was just talking to me about. They just found out that someone had leaked that information and they didn’t find out in time.”

“What’s going to happen now?” Junghwan asked, worried about their fans’ reactions to this. 

“Have they told Dongwoo?” Although they were bothered by the fact that that was broadcasted on national television, they weren’t the ones who would be impacted by it. 

“If they haven’t, I’d imagine that they’re going to now,” their manager sighed defeatedly. “Also, I don’t know.” Junghwan pursed his lips, not satisfied with that response.

“Oh. Great,” Jinyoung murmured.

They turned back to the TV to see that they had moved on to discuss the legal aspects of it. They didn’t spend much time on the subject since there was a lot that was unknown still.

“Well, now I have to go get on a bunch of calls and try to calm people down,” he shook his head and sighed. Everyone wished their manager luck before he left.

“Well, that’s one more thing he has to deal with now,” Sunwoo sighed. 

Jinyoung shook his head, “We probably have to do something about it though. You know that’s going to be all over the internet and not saying anything is going to make it so much worse,” he stated.

He didn’t receive a response. He looked up at the others who seemed tired and lost in their own thoughts. Chansik had leaned over to rest his head on Junghwan’s shoulder, while Sunwoo was slumped over in his chair.

“Is Dongwoo hiding something?” Junghwan asked out of nowhere, interrupting the silence.

“Huh?” Jinyoung perked up, caught off guard by the question and the change in subject.

“Sorry, I was just thinking…about everything,” he paused for a moment. “I really don’t know what else he would be keeping.”

“What about our promise?” Everyone turned to Chansik, who looked like he was on the verge of tears. Junghwan just wrapped an arm around his shoulder in an attempt to calm him.

Jinyoung bit his lip, trying to hold back the feeling of guilt that was beginning to rush over him. Apart from Dongwoo’s secret that he knows close to nothing about, he was keeping his own from everyone else.

“I think it’s really personal,” Jinyoung spoke quietly, hoping to satisfy Chansik without being too specific. “I don’t even think his mom knows.”

“What makes you think that?” Sunwoo jumped in. Jinyoung began to feel a little anxious at the look he was giving him. He had to be careful not to accidentally slip up.

“Well, if his mom had known, I don’t think that there would be a problem to begin with,” he muttered nervously.

“Why hasn’t he told his mom?” Chansik asked, obviously not understanding the severity of the issue at hand.

“I don’t know. He probably would if he could. It’s obviously something he’s kept for years,” Jinyoung shrugged.

“So, you’re saying that whatever he’s keeping is so bad that he can’t even tell his own mother,” Sunwoo said as more of a statement than a question. Jinyoung nodded in response.

“You know something,” Sunwoo spoke sharply. Jinyoung froze as he felt a pang of panic shoot throughout his body. “What happened yesterday? What did he tell you?”

“He didn’t tell me anything,” Jinyoung said truthfully, defending himself immediately. “Why do you think that?”

“You said that there wouldn’t be a problem if his mom knew,” Jinyoung’s breath hitched. “You know something,” Sunwoo repeated.

Jinyoung just stared at him, keeping quiet. He tried to process his thoughts through the panic that was overwhelming his mind.

“Jinyoung-“

“I don’t know much,” he admitted, interrupting Sunwoo and avoiding his gaze. “He got really angry with me for finding out one little detail.” He saw Sunwoo relax out of the corner of his eye. After a moment of no one else trying to pry the secret out of him, he continued.

“I don’t think he wants anyone else to know. I don’t think it would be right to share what I found out,” Jinyoung bit his lip, trying to think of what to say next. “But then again, I’m worried because I feel like it’s really hurting him…honestly, I don’t think he’s safe here.”

The last part caught everyone’s attention. They sat up in their seats and stared at Jinyoung with their eyes wide. 

“What? Jinyoung if this is a safety issue then-“ Sunwoo began before Jinyoung cut him off.

“No, no! No, I said that wrong. Er, I didn’t mean it like that…I-I…” He stumbled with his words before giving up. He sighed and scrunched his eyes closed.

“I’ll just remind you that Mrs. Shin said that Dongwoo doesn’t have the best relationship with his father,” Jinyoung looked up at them. “I’ll let you figure that one out. Because I’m not supposed to.” He muttered the last bit quietly. He mentally hit himself for revealing that much.

The three of them shared a look after Jinyoung’s spiel. “What can we do?” Junghwan spoke up.

Jinyoung sighed, releasing the tension in his shoulders, “Just don’t say anything to him yet. I’m going to talk to him.”

The sound of quick footsteps and chatter suddenly entered the lobby. They looked over to see the police officer that had talked to their manager and three others, which they assumed had been upstairs in Dongwoo’s room, as well. Trailing behind them was Mrs. Shin, who seemed a little upset. She caught sight of the group and headed over to them.

“Hey, guys,” she said softly before sitting down in a chair next to Jinyoung. Up close, her eyes appeared to be slightly red and she looked as if she was about to cry.

“What’s wrong?” Jinyoung asked, worried if something happened to her or Dongwoo. “Did something happen?” Mrs. Shin quickly shook her head.

“No, nothing happened,” she assured, hanging her head down slightly and shutting her eyes. “It’s just that the doctor said that Dongwoo wouldn’t be able to remember the accident.”

No one said a word, staring at Dongwoo’s mother in shock before exchanging a painful look with one another.

“He remembers?” Jinyoung’s voice was soft. Mrs. Shin looked back up at him and nodded.

There was a tense moment of silence before she spoke, “I know if you think about it, you would rather want him to remember, since that would indicate it wasn’t as bad as we thought, but it hurts so much worse, as a mother, to hear that your child was in that much pain.” She spoke quietly, her voice wavering from emotion overwhelming her, and placed a hand on her chest.

No one knew what to say to ease her. So many different things were going on right now that it was hard to think about something that they thought hadn’t happened. 

“Did the police say anything?” Sunwoo asked, trying to pull her away from the thought of Dongwoo being in pain.

“No, that’s the only thing they told me when I asked. I wasn’t allowed to be in the room while they were interrogating him,” she then shook her head, trying to rid herself of those thoughts. “It’s okay. I’m just glad that’s over with.”

Having nothing else to say and not knowing how to break the silence, Junghwan decided to change the subject, “Jinyoung and Dongwoo got into a fight,” he blurted out of nowhere.

Jinyoung whipped his head around and glowered at the boy, “Junghwan!?” The other three laughed at his spastic reaction.

“What?” Mrs. Shin gave a breathy laugh, although she looked very confused as to where that came from and why they all found it funny.

Jinyoung just brought his hands to his face and sighed, not wanting to explain this again. He dropped his hands down on the side of the chair and practically shouted.

“It wasn’t a fight!!”


	31. When the Snow Stops

_Jinyoung jumped slightly when Dongwoo came up behind him and placed his overcoat around his shoulders. It was surprisingly warm, although they were outside in the cold and stormy weather. They were sitting on the steps of an old shack in a clearing deep within the woods. There was a roof over the porch, keeping them dry from the rain. Dongwoo had just returned from inside the small cottage to gather some things._

_Jinyoung looked over to Dongwoo, who sat down next to him. Worried that he might be cold, he tried to hand the coat back to him. Dongwoo shook his head, “Put it on. It’s cold.” He spoke gently._

_The wind started to pick up, causing Jinyoung to shiver. He pulled the coat tighter around his body, as he just noticed that he was soaking wet. His hair was plastered to his forehead and the breeze allowed some water droplets to begin to trail down his face. He then noticed that all three of the shirts that he was wearing previously were gone and were replaced by bandages wrapped around his chest._

_Returning his gaze over to Dongwoo, he noticed that his eyes had gone back to normal, although the rain was still pouring down heavily. He was wearing his baggy, striped shirt, buttoned slightly so that it hung open low, exposing three silver necklaces underneath._

_Dongwoo handed him a cup of tea, instructing him to drink it and to be mindful of the bandages on his chin and neck. Jinyoung instinctively ran his finger over them, not noticing that they were even there before. He shook his head and reached out to grab the mug from the other._

_Dongwoo took a deep breath before speaking, “I’m sorry.” He didn’t look at Jinyoung. His eyes focused on rain falling from the sky._

_“For what?” He asked, gripping his cup tightly, in an attempt to warm up his hands._

_He turned to look at the younger boy, “For everything. I got you dragged into this mess and now you’re hurt because of it.” Jinyoung stared back at him. He looked completely and utterly exhausted, with dark circles placed underneath his eyes._

_“I’m just so confused,” he sighed. “I don’t understand what’s going on. I wish you would just tell me,” he spoke softly._

_Dongwoo avoided eye contact with him, “You don’t know the consequences of that.” He turned back forwards and looked up at the sky. “Frankly, I really don’t know either.”_

_“How long are you going to let this go on, then?” Jinyoung’s voice grew a little louder._

_Dongwoo sighed, “There will be a time when I’m ready. I’ll be able to face him, but with my condition right now, I just can’t.”_

_“Who is ‘him?’” Dongwoo could hear the slight agitation in Jinyoung’s question._

_He turned to look at him with a stern look on his face. Placing a finger to his lips, he made a soft hushing sound._

_Confusion overruled his anger, causing Jinyoung to just stare at Dongwoo. Unable to form words, he eventually just shook his head and sighed. Dongwoo dropped his hand and watched Jinyoung, observing him as if he could see what he was thinking._

_He maintained his gaze as he spoke, “I can’t say anything.” Jinyoung looked back up at him._

_“You don’t have to be vague anymore. I get it,” Jinyoung said softly, hoping that Dongwoo would understand and possibly open up._

_He continued to stare at the younger boy with an intense look, “No,” he said sternly. “You don’t get it.”_

_Jinyoung furrowed his brow, still confused. Dongwoo peered out of the corners of his eyes before whispering harshly, “I can’t say anything.”_

_A loud boom of thunder followed his response, causing Jinyoung to jump. He half-expected Dongwoo to start acting weird again, but he just sat still in his spot. Jinyoung turned back over to him and saw that he looked relatively calm for what was happening, like he had already known that it was coming._

_“You know,” he spoke up once the storm quieted down a bit._

_He let out a breath, attempting to calm himself from his shock, “I feel like I know nothing. I just-I don’t understand. You tell me one thing here and don’t want me to follow through with it in real life. I don’t know what to do.”_

_Dongwoo gave a small smile, appearing slightly amused by Jinyoung’s frustrations. He spoke after a moment, “There are some things that you do because you don’t want to hurt the ones you love,” he said, his gaze meeting with Jinyoung’s. “But there’s that and there is the right thing to do, and you know that is,” his voice lifted up, but it was still soft._

_Dongwoo continued, “Choosing between what’s morally correct and yours or other people’s feelings is difficult. But if you really think that something is wrong, you wouldn’t wait for the consequences.” He watched Jinyoung’s gaze falter, knowing that he was thinking about what he had said the day prior. “Keep in mind though, that reality isn’t a dream. Not everything can be fixed.”_

_Jinyoung kept listening to him although it was a little preachy, “When it’s all over, when the snow stops, when everything stops…would you want to reverse it all? Would you want to go back and change it? Someday everything will start to fade. Would you be happy with the way you’ve lived your life?”_

_“Do you think you’ve made the right choices?”_

_Dongwoo stared at Jinyoung, who had returned his gaze back up to him. Surprised by his interjection, he paused before answering, “We all have regrets.” He smiled. “Someday you’ll find out if you were able to learn from your mistakes. It’s unfortunate that some people don’t.”_

_Jinyoung looked away, but Dongwoo continued, “Right now we’re given the opportunity to change what’s been holding us back. Might as well try.”_

_“It’s difficult to stop somethings while they’re already happening. I don’t know how to make them turn out right. It doesn’t help when you’re constantly living a nightmare. Literally,” he groaned, looking over at the older boy with half-lidded eyes._

_“I wouldn’t necessarily say that these are nightmares. It’s not like your subconscious is trying to tell you something either, like you think it is,” Dongwoo said knowingly, referring to Jinyoung’s overanalyzing of small details. “This realm is based off of reality. Anything major that happens that affects you emotionally is present here. Which means that this world holds our greatest fears.”_

_“Isn’t that what a nightmare is?” He pointed out, matter-of-factly._

_Dongwoo let out a short, breathy laugh and smiled, “Nothing good comes out of nightmares, though.” Before Jinyoung could object, he followed with, “Tell me one good thing that you think has resulted from these dreams.”_

_“You think something good has come out of this?” Jinyoung asked, unable to understand Dongwoo’s way of thinking._

_“These aren’t nightmares. You can’t find one good thing?” He tilted his head curiously._

_Jinyoung avoided his gaze, facing back forward. He pulled Dongwoo’s coat in closer on himself and crossed his arms uncomfortably, “You know,” he mumbled, taking a sip of his tea to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks._

_Dongwoo laughed. Jinyoung placed his cup down next to him and smiled. It was nice to see him feel happy about something._

_“You’ve obviously found something good out of the dreams. So, if given the chance, would you reverse it all?” The youngest asked curiously, looking up at Dongwoo._

_He gave a soft smile and shook his head, “No. Everything is happening slowly, but I know that it will work out for the best.” He grinned, “You know?”_

_Dongwoo received an elbow jabbed into his side._

_Pain didn’t register for him so he chuckled, “In all honesty, it is overwhelming and it’s going to take a lot for us to all heal, but I think it will all be worth it.” Jinyoung gave a small smile._

_They had been too distracted to realize that the storm had subsided. The sky was still dark though, and a chilly breeze was flowing through their clothes, causing them to shiver._

_Dongwoo looked up to the sky before softly grinning, “Hey, it’s snowing.”_

_Jinyoung looked up to see small, white flakes begin to fall from the sky, dancing in the wind as they made their way to the ground. Whether it was the irony of the metaphor used in Dongwoo’s preachy life lesson or how calm the snow made the world appear, it was evident that things would get better. This was just the beginning, from now to when the snow stops._


	32. Ever Changing

It was 5:27 in the morning when Jinyoung plopped himself down in a chair in the lobby. After the last dream, he found that he couldn’t fall back asleep. He eventually gave in to his restless state and didn’t bother trying to return to his slumber.

He was by himself, since the others had gone home the night before. Even if they were here, Jinyoung wouldn’t bother waking them up anyway. The three of them were all starting to feel antsy sitting around waiting, not knowing when they would be able to go back home, and Chansik had started to feel homesick. They wanted to stay for Dongwoo, but decided it was best for them to go back to a place where they would be comfortable. He couldn’t blame them. Being stuck in a hospital for this long without anything to do is bound to make anyone go insane.

Jinyoung felt his sanity slipping away as he looked down at the lyric book sitting in his lap. Cautiously opening it and flipping through it, he scanned the notes and little sketches he had scribbled down over the past two weeks. He was unsure of what to think of the dreams anymore. Dongwoo had told him that they have a meaning other than the one that he believes, but what else could it be? And what kind of metaphor could the song be portraying?

He feels like he’s exhausted all possible options, other than the one he was trying to figure out. It was confusing, even more so since Dongwoo told him to not even bother with it. Jinyoung was starting to think he was using it as more of a defense mechanism than resorting to telling him the actual truth.

Debating whether he should listen to Dongwoo or not, he couldn’t stop himself from try to pry at the answer. It was frustrating. Jinyoung has already learned this much about the situation, so what was holding Dongwoo back? What was he keeping as such a huge secret?

Jinyoung’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard footsteps over the soft chatter coming from the TV. He quickly shut his book and looked up, where he saw Dongwoo’s mother enter the lobby. She quickly noticed him, greeting Jinyoung and sitting down in the chair next to him. 

Her smile faltered, “Why are you up so early?” She asked, concerned. Jinyoung could feel her gaze piercing through him.

He just shook his head and replied softly, “I couldn’t sleep.”

Mrs. Shin’s eyes crinkled from the soft smile she gave him, “I couldn’t either,” she said, brushing a hand through her hair. “My husband went to go get us coffee,” she added, obviously pointing out that she was tired. 

“It’s not because of what happened yesterday, right?” She asked before Jinyoung had a chance to comment.

He shrugged, “Well, it’s partially that and because of the argument we had,” he answered, a little too tired to show that he was uncomfortable with the mention of everything that happened.

“I didn’t expect you guys to have a fight, but I’m not surprised either, given the situation you’re in.” She giggled, lightly placing her hand over her mouth, “Also, I know it wasn’t a fight.”

Jinyoung gave a half-smile, but didn’t say anything in response. Mrs. Shin placed her hand on her chin and studied him briefly before continuing, “He’s probably not mad at you. I doubt he his,” she said, trying to ease him. He avoided her gaze and didn’t respond, trying to process that possibility. 

“He never really got angry with others until he was in high school. He was a teenager, so that had something to do with it, but he knows that people make mistakes,” she explained. Jinyoung looked up at her once she mentioned when his irritability began. He knew what she meant without her having to say it. 

“Just talk to him about it,” she smiled.

“I was planning on it,” he replied tiredly. “I just don’t know how it’s going to go.” Aside from being worried about if Dongwoo was angry at him, he was more concerned that he would be upset about the things that were not under their control. He didn’t want him to stress or panic about anything that was happening, but he was unsure if he could prevent that.

She shook her head, smiling, “You two worry too much. It’ll be fine!” She noticed that Jinyoung didn’t respond and was instead, staring up behind her. Mrs. Shin turned to find her husband making his way toward them, two coffees in his hands. She greeted and thanked him for the drink. 

Jinyoung sat in his chair uncomfortably while Dongwoo’s parents spoke quietly. It didn’t last long though, before Mrs. Shin stood up. Jinyoung could only guess that Dongwoo’s father either just wanted to leave or he didn’t want his wife talking to his son’s potential boyfriend any longer. He had a feeling that it was the latter, if not both.

Mrs. Shin politely bid him goodbye, giving him a sweet smile before she gently linked arms with her husband and turned to walk out of the lobby. Jinyoung faced back forward in his chair, peering back to where Dongwoo’s mother had been previously sitting, trying to process what had just happened. He honestly felt like he was overthinking it, but it was strange that they had left so quickly. Too tired to figure it out, he slumped down in his chair and tried to keep his mind occupied, staring at the TV. He just hoped that whatever was being broadcasted was anything other than what he would want to hear right now.

Jinyoung found himself standing outside Dongwoo’s room, unable to open the door. It was almost 9:00 now. He was still nervous, which was evident in the fact he had hesitated and ended up here a few hours later than he wanted to. Making the excuse that he didn’t know if Dongwoo was awake yet had allowed himself to stall, but he knew the other boy was probably unable to sleep for the duration of the previous night, too.

Jinyoung let out a deep breath before mustering up the courage to knock on the door. It was gentle, as he didn’t have much use of his arms, trying to balance his crutches at the same time. He then opened the door slightly and poked his head through. 

Dongwoo looked up from where he was sitting on his bed, hunched over his computer. He didn’t say anything, appearing half-surprised to see even see Jinyoung at the door.

“Hi,” the younger boy spoke softly. 

“Hey,” Dongwoo replied, shutting his laptop. Jinyoung took that as an initiative to enter the room. He shut the door and sat down in the chair next to the bed. He sat there for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. He could feel Dongwoo’s gaze on him and there was an awkward tension growing, mostly because he hadn’t said anything.

“Jinyoung, are you okay?” Jinyoung quickly looked up at him.

“Huh? Oh,” he said jerkily. “I feel like I should be asking you that,” he shook his head, avoiding his gaze. Dongwoo continued to stare at him, furrowing his eyebrows at his odd behavior. Eventually Jinyoung just sighed, releasing the tension from his body.

“I feel like I was being insensitive,” he paused, looking down at his hands resting in his lap. “I’m sorry.”

Dongwoo softly shook his head before speaking up, “No, you shouldn’t feel that way. I overreacted.” Jinyoung looked up at him.

“That doesn’t help that fact that I feel…guilty, I guess. Especially after yesterday,” he said, uncomfortably squeezing his arm.

Dongwoo blinked, “Why guilty?”

“I guess…I don’t know,” he rubbed his hand along his face, pulling back to tug at his hair. “You already had so much going on and then I just went and threw that on you. Then even more problems came up yesterday and it’s just a big mess.”

“No, its fine. I’m not happy about that, but I’m truly not surprised it happened either. There isn’t anything we can do about the leaking of anything now, though,” he let out a breath, running a hand through his hair. “Anyway, aside from that, I’m sorry that I tried to…restrict you, I guess. That was a little manipulative,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Jinyoung paused for a moment before responding, letting go of his hair, allowing his fringe to fall back over his forehead, “Oh. Well, I didn’t see it that way, if that makes you feel any better,” he quietly murmured. “I still feel bad that I went against what you told me. I knew that you wouldn’t like that very much, but I still did it anyways.”

Dongwoo didn’t say anything in reply, pondering over Jinyoung’s words. Truthfully, he didn’t feel any better from the other’s reassurance. Jinyoung was focusing more on how Dongwoo felt, not so much his own self. However, Dongwoo still didn’t feel the most comfortable with the way that he had reacted, although he would never feel prepared to tell him why.

“I know you said that you didn’t see it as being manipulative, but I still can’t shake off that feeling. It makes me feel horrible,” Jinyoung could see him clenching his fists in frustration.

Jinyoung stared at Dongwoo for a moment, trying to gather words. His mind trailed back to last night’s dream, wondering what Dongwoo has experienced for him to believe something like that.

“I’m just so confused,” he sighed. “I don’t understand what’s going on. I wish you would just tell me,” he spoke softly.

Dongwoo avoided eye contact with him, “You don’t know the consequences of that.” He turned back forwards and looked up at the sky. “Frankly, I really don’t know either.”

“You shouldn’t feel that way about it. It was just a mistake,” Jinyoung spoke softly, snapping himself out of his thoughts.

Dongwoo continued to keep quiet, so Jinyoung began again, “I think that right now there is so much chaos, that it’s easy to miscommunicate, which I guess is another reason that our promise is so important.” Dongwoo glanced at him quickly before looking away, still feeling a bit ashamed. Jinyoung nervously bit his lip, thinking back to how Chansik was on the verge of tears the day prior. At this point, their promise was just an addition to the list of things that made Jinyoung feel guilty for not obeying. He didn’t realize how hurt the others had felt by not mentioning anything to them, having initially hoped that they wouldn’t suspect anything in the first place. It was odd how he had to go against one wish to fulfill another.

Jinyoung’s mind trailed back to not only Chansik’s reaction, but how pushy Sunwoo had gotten yesterday. He hasn’t exactly been himself with everything going on, but then again, no one really has. It just seemed that now it was starting to all build up and affect their relationships. He didn’t know the point where things would be irreversible, either.

Jinyoung felt himself continue to grow more anxious, which lead him to start rambling, “The others were talking about how after all these years that we’ve been working together, we hadn’t fought once. I guess, I just-I-“ His voice soon betrayed him, fading away, making it feel like he had a lump in his throat. He just looked up at Dongwoo, who looked a little concerned, waiting for him to finish. 

“I’m sorry!”

Jinyoung’s lip quivered as tears quickly formed in his eyes. Unable to hide them as they began to rush down his face, he dropped his head in embarrassment. Dongwoo froze, quickly forgetting about his own predicament, he stared at Jinyoung in shock with his eyes wide.

“Jinyoung?” He let out a breathy laugh, almost not believing that he was seeing B1A4’s fearless leader crying right now. “Oh my gosh,” he laughed in disbelief before leaning over and pulling him into a hug.

The younger boy choked out a sob as he cried into Dongwoo’s shoulder, tightly gripping onto the sides of his sweatshirt. Dongwoo lightly rubbed Jinyoung’s back, running his fingers across it in circles in an attempt to soothe him. 

Dongwoo’s smile faltered as he got over his shock. He began to grow more concerned for Jinyoung, since this was the moment where he finally broke down. He couldn’t imagine how stressed he must be feeling, knowing how overwhelmed he used to get by work and deadlines and even then, he still managed to hold himself back from uttering just a simple complaint. Dongwoo slowly stopped stroking Jinyoung’s back, realizing that the rubbing of his cast may not feel the best, even through a thick hoodie. He decided to rest his hand on the middle of his back and pulled him in a little tighter. His other hand soon found a way to the back of his head, where he ran his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair, softly playing with the short strands.

Jinyoung had seemed to calm down a bit, his cries now turning into soft sniffles. He relaxed his grip on Dongwoo’s sweatshirt and snaked his arms around his waist, linking his fingers together behind his back. He then slumped forward into the loose hug, placing his chin on Dongwoo’s shoulder. The older boy sighed, closing his eyes and allowing his lips to form a small smile.

“You know,” Dongwoo began after a moment of silence. “For the hundreds of times I’ve cried, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you do it.”

“Yeah, and you cry a lot,” Jinyoung replied without missing a beat.

“Don’t be a smart-ass,” Dongwoo deadpanned, which received a small snicker from Jinyoung.

Once he pulled away, Dongwoo reached forward and gently wiped off the tears that had not dried yet. His eyes were red and made his lack of sleep apparent. 

“You shouldn’t cry,” Dongwoo spoke softly, then letting go of his face. “Because that’s apparently my job.”

Jinyoung chuckled before reaching out for Dongwoo’s hand, “Considering everything that’s happening, the last thing we need is another silly argument,” he muttered. 

Dongwoo glanced down at their entwined fingers and looked back up at him, “I just can’t wait until we can get out of here,” he sighed.

“Do you know how much longer you have to stay?”

“Two more days,” he smiled, holding up two fingers with his free hand.

“Really?” Jinyoung’s eyes lit up as Dongwoo nodded. “Well, that’s good. The others went home last night. Chansik was beginning to feel homesick.”

“I don’t blame them. It’s been too long,” he sighed.

Jinyoung hummed in agreement before speaking, “Do you have any idea of what you’re going to do?” He sounded a bit hesitant.

Dongwoo shrugged, although he knew that he would have to figure that out soon. It was highly unlikely that he could just go back home and act like everything could return back to normal. Besides, he didn’t even know if things could go back to the way they were.

“I think my mother is going to make me go back home with her,” he spoke softly, looking away from the younger boy. “For just a bit, I hope.”

Jinyoung frowned, although he knew that he should have expected to hear that. “Oh,” he replied quietly. “You don’t sound too happy about that.”

Dongwoo looked up at him, “Well, I’d much rather go back with you guys. It’d at least somewhat assure me that we could just get back to work. I know that if I go home, I’m not going to be able to leave the house often, if at all.” He sighed, before adding with dread in his voice, “Also, my mother isn’t going to leave me alone.”

Dongwoo’s eyes widened when Jinyoung couldn’t hold back his laughter, “I’m being serious! She’s not going to take her eyes off me. I’m going to be a prisoner in my own bedroom,” he exclaimed, cringing at the thought of his mother treating him like a baby.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he laughed. “We can always come visit you, though. I’m not sure what we’re going to have to do yet, but we may be forced to take a break, as well,” he shrugged, giving a hopeful smile.

Dongwoo nodded and smiled, “That’d be nice.” He realized that even if their company would like them to go back to work, the most that they would be able to do is try and write songs. While some of them could go back to practice, it wouldn’t be the safest thing to do. 

Jinyoung grinned, “Don’t worry, we’ll save you from your mom,” he teased before leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. Dongwoo shyly smiled and avoided the other’s gaze as a blush quickly spread across his cheeks.

They soon froze when there was a knock on the door. The two panicked for a moment before quickly slipping their hands out of each other’s grasp. As soon as they sat up straight, obviously tense, Junghwan, Sunwoo, and Chansik entered the room, excitedly greeting them. The three of them appeared to be in a much better mood than the day before, having more energy since they were actually able to sleep in their own beds.

Junghwan and Chansik began to bombard Dongwoo with questions about how everything with the police went the day before, which in all honesty, Jinyoung had kind of forgotten about. The two of them were able to relax as Dongwoo attempted to calm them all down, which didn’t work very well since they managed to get Sunwoo to join in, adding to the chaos.

It was odd, given everything that had happened yesterday that made it seem like the world was against them. Compared to today, it was like none of that had ever happened. There was so much change in one day and it was nice that everything they’ve been through wasn’t on the top of their minds for once. For now, to prolong this moment was the only thing that could be hoped for.


	33. One Last Dance

_“Here,” Jinyoung looked up to Dongwoo, who met his gaze with a small smile. He noticed that the older had changed his outfit, presumably into something more comfortable. He was wearing a desaturated yellow sweater that had a low cut, adorning thin, white stripes around the neckline. Underneath, a large, white collared shirt peeked through at the top and hung down past his hips. “Put these on.”_

_Jinyoung noticed a pair of neatly folded clothes were being handed to him. On top of the pile laid a thick, grey sweater with a white collared undershirt and a pair of black dress pants underneath._

_“Your other clothes were torn up a bit. I couldn’t fix them,” Dongwoo commented, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. “That must have been some nasty fall,” he added, then letting out a gentle laugh._

_Jinyoung replied with a nervous chuckle, internally cringing at how embarrassing it could have been if Dongwoo had actually seen him attempt to jump over the fence. Although he didn’t like it, he did realize where his infamous “grandpa” title came from._

_He watched Dongwoo as he made his way over to the other side of the room. “I’ll be out here so you can change,” he said before opening the door and heading out._

_Jinyoung hadn’t even realized that they were back in RV, nor had he realized that music had been playing the entire time. It was that song that they keep hearing, but instead it was soft and no voices were audible. Shaking off the feeling that he obviously should have noticed, he quickly changed. He folded Dongwoo’s outer coat that he had given him and gently placed it on the bench. Although it should have been cold, he knew that he wouldn’t need it. The coat was probably three sizes too big on him, so he figured it would be best to keep it inside. He then decided to head out, slipping on a pair of yellow sneakers that were by the door before stepping outside._

_Once he shut the door, he was met with the sight of Dongwoo leaning over the railing of the small deck. He noticed that it was still snowing, but it still didn’t seem to be cold. Even though he was wearing actual clothes and not just an oversized coat that didn’t button up, he still never felt the effects of the freezing temperatures. It appeared to not affect Dongwoo either, as the older boy turned around and smiled, holding out his hand for Jinyoung, “Follow me,” he said, seeming to have some sort of incitation._

_Jinyoung accepted his hand and trailed behind Dongwoo as he led him off the deck and around the side of the RV. He let go of his grasp when they approached the ladder to begin climbing to the top. Jinyoung followed him, unsure of what he was doing. The steps of the ladder were slippery from the melting snow, so Jinyoung felt like he was taking an eternity to climb. Once at the top, Dongwoo held out his hand for Jinyoung and helped him up on the roof. Gently pulling him along, he brought them to the center of the platform, taking hold of his other hand once he turned around to face him._

_Jinyoung carefully watched Dongwoo, wondering why he brought him up here. The older just stared off at the distant forest. It was a moment before he spoke, “Do you remember when we first met here?” He said, then returning his gaze back to Jinyoung._

_Jinyoung slowly nodded, “I was...so confused, but I was so happy to see you. In the previous dreams, you were...” He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Dongwoo stared at him as he waited for him to gather his words, watching the snowflakes softly land in his hair._

_“...Gone.” He gulped, his voice practically a whisper. He avoided Dongwoo’s gaze when he felt his hand gently brush along his cheek, cupping the side of his face._

_He hated to be reminded of such a thing. It seemed that there was no escape from the mention of death, here or in reality. It wasn’t something that he had necessarily thought of before, but he realized that he’d almost taken his friends’ lives for granted._

_“I know you felt…” Dongwoo’s voice trailed off, pausing, to chose his words carefully. He spoke calmly, “…unsettled before.” Jinyoung’s eyes flickered back towards him. “Are you now?_

_He stared at him intently, questioning what he meant. It almost sounded taunting. Jinyoung would believe that, too, if it weren’t for the concerned look that Dongwoo was giving him._

_“Should I be?” He said, trying to hide the wariness in his voice._

_Dongwoo smiled, acknowledging how rigid Jinyoung suddenly became. He dropped his hand from the side of his face and his lips twitched up into a slight smirk, “Only if you have a reason to.”_

_He relaxed a bit once Dongwoo moved to lightly brush the snow resting in his hair. Jinyoung closed his eyes so the white flakes wouldn’t fall into them._

_“Things have changed,” he replied, looking back up at Dongwoo, who nodded in agreement. He noticed that the snow wasn’t landing on him. It was similar to the rain that had previously appeared to pass right through him. Jinyoung didn’t understand his wavering tangibility. How he was able to grab onto him now, but everything else made it seem it was like he wasn’t even there in the first place._

_“Why are we back up here?” Jinyoung asked. Dongwoo let out a sigh before pursing his lips into a thin line._

_“This is the last time we’ll see each other here for a while.” Jinyoung looked up at him, confused. Dongwoo gave a gentle smile, “I wanted to see you off here.”_

_“Oh,” he spoke softly, remembering that although Dongwoo was about to be discharged from the hospital, he didn’t know what would actually happen after that. “How long would that be?”_

_“You need to heal first,” he said, gently squeezing Jinyoung’s hands. The younger stuck his bottom lip out slightly, almost as if he was pouting, since he knew that wouldn’t be for a while. He wasn’t sure of how long it would take for his leg to heal completely, but it could possibly be up to two months for him to walk comfortably again._

_“I think you need a break from my mind, too. You’ve been stressed recently,” Dongwoo continued. “These dreams aren’t healthy for neither one of us.”_

_Jinyoung knew he was right; Dongwoo was always more practical than him. That didn’t suppress his urge to want to protest in response, telling him that he wants him to stay, but he knew that nothing would be changed by doing so. He’d probably only end up making a fool of himself._

_Jinyoung dropped his head slightly, looking down at the ground to avoid the older’s gaze. Dongwoo stayed quiet, waiting for Jinyoung to say something._

_“I’ll miss you,” he eventually mustered after a moment of prolonged silence. For being a lyricist, he really didn’t know how to use his words._

_Dongwoo looked down at him with a small, empathetic smile, “I’ll miss you too,” he giggled lightheartedly, before shaking his head. “Don’t worry. We’ll meet here again,” he assured._

_Jinyoung rose his head up, but still avoided eye contact with Dongwoo, “Hopefully when that time comes, we’ll have our lives figured out.” His voice was still soft, appearing a bit shy._

_Dongwoo gave a nod, “Things should die down in the next couple weeks.” He grimaced, “Unfortunately, a lot of other people’s actions can influence that.”_

_Jinyoung didn’t necessarily believe what he had first said, seeing how countless rumors have already spread. They’ve been impossible to contain and they have to be careful in how they counteract against them. Still, he didn’t say anything in reply, just meeting his gaze and nodding in agreement._

_“Ah,” Dongwoo began, realizing he had gotten side-tracked. “I’d like to ask something of you before we go,” he said, pulling Jinyoung from his thoughts._

_“What is it?” He asked, immediately frowning when he realized that there was more concern presented in his voice than he had intended._

_Dongwoo recognized this and smiled, “I’d like to have one last dance.” Although he spoke gently, the younger was hesitant._

_Jinyoung looked down at the ground again, making an odd face. He rubbed his foot on the roof, which was now wet from the melted snow. The rubber squeaked underneath his weight, not assuring him that there would be enough friction to keep him standing._

_“If I fall, you’re going down with me,” he glanced back up at Dongwoo, who laughed at his uncertainty._

_“I won’t let you fall,” he replied, giving a warm smile. “I’ll keep you safe.” Jinyoung eventually agreed._

_The music continued to play softly in the background as Dongwoo lead. Although Jinyoung had been asked to dance several times now, he still wasn’t that great at it, trying hard to follow along swiftly. Especially since the song was now instrumental, he found himself concentrating a little too hard on following the timing. He stumbled a bit, but Dongwoo didn’t seem to notice, or just never said anything about it._

_Jinyoung was beginning to grow overly conscious of how close he was to the older boy. Dongwoo’s hand rested on his waist, lightly, but it was enough to prevent him from separating any further. However, the dance was slow and they were relaxed, so there was no need to create distance._

_Jinyoung soon found himself grateful for that. His foot eventually skidded across the wet metal roof, resulting in him accidentally kicking Dongwoo and falling forward onto him. While he was trying to hide his embarrassment, grumbling incoherent phrases under his breath, Dongwoo chuckled and helped him regain his footing._

_“I’m starting to get the feeling that you like dancing with me for your own personal entertainment,” Jinyoung muttered, the tone in his voice making it obvious that he was joking. Gripping the sides of Dongwoo’s sweater, he kept his gaze focused down at the ground, pressing his head against the older’s chest. Dongwoo laughed, denying his accusations._

_“I like dancing with you. Not for that reason,” he quickly muttered, offering a smile. “This is the only place where we can do that.”_

_“You’re going to feel more restricted once you go home,” Jinyoung said quietly. “Even more so than now.”_

_“We’ll keep busy,” Dongwoo spoke quickly. “Just for the time being...” He trailed off, reaching out to cup the sides of Jinyoung’s face again. He gently brushed his thumb over the younger’s tinted cheeks, “Don’t leave.” He blinked. “Promise me you’ll stay by my side.” Dongwoo said, a faint smile formed on his lips. Jinyoung inattentively leaned into the touch, only averting his gaze for a second._

_Dongwoo felt the grip on his sweater tighten when he brought them in for a kiss. Jinyoung’s eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into Dongwoo, standing up on his toes to do so. The kiss was chaste, yet sweet. However, it felt more real than anything else that has happened. Although it has felt as if they’ve been here for an eternity, it was actually only their first one in the dreams._

_Jinyoung remembered their first dance, back when he first found himself here. It was odd to think about how uncertain he was. He knows he was afraid, although Dongwoo insists that he wasn’t. Knowing that he wouldn’t have much longer with him here, Jinyoung wondered how he would stay connected with Dongwoo while they’re apart. It worried him more than it should have, but he couldn’t push down the need to try to protect him. They soon broke apart, Dongwoo’s hands still cradling his face. Jinyoung relaxed his grip slightly and got back down on his feet. Not removing his gaze from Dongwoo, a smile crept up on his lips._

_“I promise,” he spoke softly, before a loud roar of thunder echoed throughout the sky._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! I hope you are all doing well and staying healthy! 
> 
> I am finally done with school, so I hope to dedicate more time to writing. It has been difficult for me to get this chapter posted still being quarantined with my family (also I rewrote this three times, but we're not gonna talk about that haha). My goal is still to have this finished by this year, ideally before I go back to school, so hopefully I can stick to that plan!
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


	34. Even If We Get Lost, We'll Still Have Each Other

The day before Dongwoo’s discharge, everyone was sure to crowd into his room to enjoy each other’s company before they soon parted ways. They spent the day playing games, eating snacks, watching TV, and binging movies off of Dongwoo’s laptop. Trying to keep their minds off of what would happen the next day, they made sure that they were constantly engaged in something. For being cramped up in a small hospital room, they were able to keep busy throughout the day since they really hadn’t had any time to relax and hang out with one another for the past two weeks.

Jinyoung appreciated the constant activity to keep his mind off the previous night’s dream. The following night, he dreamt of nothing. While it was odd, he found that he had been thoroughly sleep deprived. His mind had been continuously racing, especially when he would have nightmares. However, he was finally able to get a full night’s rest, but he realized that he had woken up feeling strange, almost as if he was lonely.

The next morning, Jinyoung hurried upstairs before everyone else. He knew the others would be up in Dongwoo’s room soon, despite it only being 7:00 in the morning. His departure had been planned for Dongwoo to leave early to avoid crowds.

When Jinyoung entered the room, Dongwoo was sitting on his bed, typing on his computer. He had already gotten dressed in his black hoodie that he was previously given to him, with his sunglasses and mask laying on the bed. Dongwoo practically jumped when Jinyoung had unexpectedly walked in and quickly took a seat.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” Dongwoo said wryly, shutting his laptop.

Jinyoung looked up at him and shook his head, “Oh, sorry.” He tried to laugh it off, “I actually got sleep for once and I’m not used to it.” Dongwoo just shrugged and nodded, understanding where he was coming from.

“Why did you rush up here?” The older boy asked.

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows before speaking rather quietly, “The others will be up here soon to say goodbye.” He lowered his voice, indirectly answering the question.

Dongwoo’s face fell, letting out a soft ‘oh’ in response. Jinyoung eyed him as he spoke, “It seems like everything is just coming to a stop now.”

They both knew that everyone felt the same way. The uncertainty of what would happen to them was scary and disheartening. Although he wasn’t very sure of himself, Jinyoung tried to muster up some encouraging words.

“You can think of it as a step in the right direction,” he attempted to ensure. His voice was surprisingly confident, but the look on his face said otherwise. “We can’t just jump back into our old routine like everything’s back to normal.”

Dongwoo didn’t seem too swayed by what he said, since it was hard for him to necessarily believe it. “It’s not over. I know you know that, too,” Jinyoung then said, trying to convince the older boy with a soft smile. He just shrugged and nodded anyway.

“...Speaking of things coming to a stop,” Jinyoung began. “I wanted to talk about the dreams...” Dongwoo eyed him.

“Not about anything that specifically happened in them or anything!” Jinyoung defended. Although he had meant that they wouldn’t have to discuss anything that Dongwoo didn’t want to share, it seemed that the other interpreted what he said differently. He looked away from Jinyoung as a blush began to spread across his cheeks. Jinyoung stared at Dongwoo for a moment before realizing that the last dream had ended with a kiss.

“Not that either!!” He exclaimed, then sighing defeatedly, slumping in his chair. He quickly sat up again when Dongwoo didn’t reply.

“I meant that they ended, too,” Jinyoung said softly. “And they’ll come back and end once more.”

Dongwoo turned to look at him as he kept talking, “You said they’ll come back again, but didn’t specify when. Just that it’ll all be over ‘when the snow stops.’”

“I don’t know why they stopped or when they’ll come back,” Dongwoo shrugged. “I don’t know as much about them as you think I do. The dreams freak me out. Besides all the weird shit that happens in them, I don’t know where about half the stuff I say to you comes from. It’s like I’m being possessed by someone else.”

His tone was stoic, growing increasingly sharp with the more that he shared. However, it took Jinyoung by surprise. He had assumed that Dongwoo actually understood what he meant because, well, that would be logical? Then again, dreams can be weird in general. He wondered how much of the information that he previously tried to pry out of Dongwoo was actually something that he was able to consciously think about.

“Really?” Jinyoung asked incredulously. “I keep bringing up the dreams to see if there were any connections we would be able to make, whether if what we said had intention or not. Then again, I know you don’t really like that...but, that’s interesting.”

Dongwoo shook his head softly, “Yeah, I know. But anyway, you’re better at piecing the little details together on your own.” Jinyoung felt as if he was just trying to avoid talking about it, but the older boy continued, voice softening, “I can only guess that it’s because we’re leaving. Going back home will give you some time to think about them.”

“That may be all I do for the next couple weeks. I’ll probably be confined to my room just like you,” Jinyoung sighed. “We’re going to go insane.”

Dongwoo let out a short laugh, his mood lightening up, “My mother can give you her phone number, if you want. Although, you wouldn’t be able to text me until you get a new phone.”

Jinyoung perked up at his suggestion and nodded eagerly, to which Dongwoo laughed. “I’ll ask her then. I don’t know it by heart.”

“That’s fine. It would definitely help.” The oldest of the two nodded in agreement. Jinyoung had tried to avoid thinking of the time that they will be apart from each other and everyone else. He really hadn’t considered the fact that he would be able to text or call them, since none of them had their phones anymore. It eased him a bit knowing that his initial concerns weren’t true.

While he felt a little better, he knew Dongwoo was unlikely to feel the same. He had larger issues to deal with than not being able to see his friends for a few weeks. Jinyoung frowned, recognizing how Dongwoo’s attitude changed when they switched subjects.

“Are you going to be okay?” Worry tainted his voice and concern washed over his face. Dongwoo stared at him for a moment before looking away.

“Please don’t be this concerned about me. I don’t want you to stress over it,” he said quietly, indirectly answering the question. It hurt that he tried to avoid concern and brush off his well-being, but Jinyoung knew that he wouldn’t be able to change the way he feels.

“You can’t expect me not to worry about you,” he argued gently.

Dongwoo kept quiet for a moment before returning his gaze back up to Jinyoung, “I know.” He paused, then letting out a sigh. “I know because I’ll worry about you, too.”

“You’re a workaholic. I don’t want to hear that you’ve injured yourself the next time I talk to you,” Dongwoo continued, half-scolding him, making it sound like his mother. Jinyoung let out a small laugh, cheeks flushing a bit since he knew what he said was true.

“I’ll try not to,” he said lightly, knowing he was most likely going to go straight back to work to keep his mind occupied. Jinyoung gave a soft smile, “I guess we all have our own issues.” Dongwoo gave a gentle nod in return.

“And it’s okay that you have your own problems. We all do, but don’t be scared to reach out if you need help. I don’t want things to be overwhelming for you,” Jinyoung continued. He stared at Dongwoo attentively, who nodded once again to acknowledge him.

“You’re one to talk,” Dongwoo said lightheartedly, giving a soft laugh. Noticing the embarrassment spread across Jinyoung’s face, he said softly, “No, I’m just kidding, but thank you. The same goes for you, too.”

A smile crept back up onto Jinyoung’s face, “Thanks.” He said, reassured. Lifting his hand up, his grin turned into a sly smirk. “That’s a promise.”

Dongwoo chuckled before linking his pinky finger with Jinyoung’s, “Of course,” he smiled. “I’ll try my best to keep it.”

* * *

Jinyoung was thankful he arrived early because it wasn’t even ten minutes later before there was a knock on the door. Soon after, the room was filled with the rest of the members, Dongwoo’s mother, the doctor, and a few nurses.

Noise then erupted in the room, suddenly making it borderline chaotic. Everyone was discussing today’s plans while trying to ask Dongwoo a million questions simultaneously. Jinyoung sunk down in his chair, as if it would somehow hide him from all the commotion.

“Alright everyone. Quiet down please,” the doctor announced sharply, raising his voice over everyone else’s. Once the noise died down, he seemed to relax before speaking more calmly, “We will be discharging Mr. Shin momentarily. We’ll give you a couple minutes to get ready before we leave.”

The room stayed silent as the doctor left, a few nurses following him out. It was a moment before Dongwoo’s mother spoke, “Are you guys ready to go?” She asked cheerfully in an attempt to lighten up the room, while trying to disguise the exhaustion in her voice.

The group looked up over to her from where they were all huddled around Dongwoo’s bed. After a bit of hesitation, Chansik replied, “I’m glad that we won’t have to come back here anymore. We can all go home this time.” He smiled softly. Mrs. Shin didn’t say anything back, only giving the youngest a gentle smile in return.

They all knew Channie was being optimistic, but it was hard to get the fact that they wouldn’t be seeing each other off their minds. Even if they do, it might not be back at work or on stage again. It was difficult to know what was okay to talk about, or how to string the right words together to keep themselves distracted in a positive way.

“I don’t know how long we’re going to have to stay at home, but that doesn’t mean that we still can’t see each other! We’re so close; we’re not just a _business family!_ ” Junghwan beamed encouragingly, which received a small snicker from Sunwoo.

“We can have sleepovers!!” Chansik said excitedly. He was grinning like a little kid on Christmas morning, softly clapping his hands for more emphasis. Junghwan and Sunwoo hummed in agreement, nodding, while Dongwoo and Jinyoung just smiled, since they had been thinking similarly.

“And we can sing!” Junghwan said, gasping. “We’ll have karaoke parties! In someone’s living room or something...” He added, shyly chuckling.

“Rap battles too,” Sunwoo interjected quietly. Junghwan let out a dramatic _“YEEESSS!!”_ with his voice dropping a few octaves, which made everyone burst into laughter.

“I would pay to see you guys roast each other,” Dongwoo chuckled, Jinyoung and Chansik nodding, too.

“As much as we’d all like to see that, the doctors are probably going to be back in soon and I want to take a picture,” Dongwoo’s mother smiled sheepishly, waving her phone in front of them.

They immediately all huddled in. Jinyoung tried to scoot a bit closer to the side of the bed before Sunwoo came up behind him and helped him push in the chair. The older boy thanked him, while he took his place, standing behind him. Junghwan decided to sit next to Dongwoo on the right side of the bed, while Chansik stood a bit behind him and hovered over slightly. Once they got into place, Dongwoo’s mother quickly took a few photos, muttering something about how they were for her ‘precious memories.’

Chansik then leaned over, managing to catch Dongwoo by surprise when snaking his arms around his neck for a hug from behind. He buried his head into shoulder, mumbling a soft “We’ll miss you.” Jinyoung and Junghwan then followed suit, wrapping their arms around his waist, and Sunwoo squeezed in between everyone else. Dongwoo let out a soft laugh, trying to return the hug the best he could. When they all continued to hang on, not seeming to let go anytime soon, he shut his eyes, relaxing and soaking in this moment. Unbeknownst to him or any of the others, Mrs. Shin snuck a couple photos. She smiled to herself for capturing such a candid shot without any of them realizing.

“I’ll miss you guys too,” Dongwoo said softly when they all began to pull away from the hug. “Don’t hurt yourselves or get into any trouble.” He eyed the three youngest.

“Hey!” They all said in unison which received a chuckle from the other three in the room. “We haven’t fought in like 4 whole days!” Junghwan stammered, not helping his defense.

“Deullie,” Chansik said quietly, giving him a judgmental look. “You tried to stab Sunwoo with your fork two nights ago at dinner.” Dongwoo grimaced at the sudden image that appeared in his head while Junghwan kept quiet. Like a child, he quickly stuck out his tongue at Sunwoo, who had returned the action.

“They’re not gonna make it,” Jinyoung uttered defeatedly.

“Let me reiterate ‘don’t hurt yourselves,’” Dongwoo repeated more sternly. “That means no stabbing.”

“Jeez, you two sound like parents,” Junghwan muttered, receiving a small giggle from Mrs. Shin, while Dongwoo and Jinyoung blushed in embarrassment.

“I’m sure Sunwoo has learned not to steal Junghwan’s food and I know you’ll all be just fine,” Dongwoo mother smiled, placing a hand on the rapper’s shoulder. They all laughed at the absurdity of the conversation. They truly did sound like parents nagging their children, minus the stabbing lecture.

Soon, there was a knock on the door and the doctor entered the room with a few nurses. Everybody reluctantly stood up or turned to face them, wanting to reminisce in this last moment.

“We will be leaving now. We want to limit the amount of people to prevent commotion and gathering others’ attention, so only Mrs. Shin will be able to come. I apologize for the inconvenience,” the doctor spoke formally, but gently. Everyone forced a polite smile onto their faces and nodded.

Hesitantly, Dongwoo slid over to the edge of the bed, hanging his legs off of it. He had previously put his prosthetic leg on before anybody had arrived, still not completely comfortable with it. He had his pant leg pulled down over it, so it looked normal for the most part. The nurses then assisted him with getting into the wheelchair, although he was able to hold most of his weight. The walk was too far for them to allow him to walk by himself and it could be dangerous to let him do so, as well.

Right before the nurse was going to wheel him out of the room, Chansik reached over to grab the teddy bear they had given him that was sitting on the bedside table. He quickly hopped over and handed it to him. Dongwoo gave him a smile and a short ‘thanks’ in return.

He faced them one last time and gave them a short wave, “See you later.” Dongwoo’s voice echoed throughout the room softly as he disappeared out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are all staying safe and healthy! Thank you for reading!


	35. Dark Skies and Scattered Thoughts

_You’re still in my head._

_My eyes can’t see you,_

_But my heart is looking for you._

Isolation was strange. In the three weeks after everyone left the hospital, they hadn’t seen each other at all. Trying to keep themselves distracted was difficult. While it was fairly easy to stay away from social media (the lack of phones helped immensely), they had a hard time keeping busy as they weren’t even allowed to leave their homes for a simple errand.

Luckily, everyone had their own computers and other electronics, eventually resorting to communicating over email or other chats. Jinyoung was one of the first to reach out to Dongwoo, since he really didn’t want to rely on or bother his mother to talk to him. Besides, he also didn’t want someone else to have access to their conversations. Not that they were anything bad, but everyone deserved their privacy.

While communication was slow, they tried to stay occupied by entertaining other hobbies. Chansik mainly played video games all day, sometimes managing to get the a few of the others to join in Overwatch. Junghwan was certain that he had furiously annoyed his neighbors by now since it seemed like he sang 24/7. He found that his routine was actually quite similar to that of when he was at work, so he really didn’t notice his excessive singing until he heard banging on the wall and a few shouts to tell him to be quiet. Sheepishly reducing his hours of singing throughout the day, he turned to writing lyrics, like Jinyoung and Sunwoo.

They all found the time was beneficial for being able to begin planning an album. They tried not to think of any unconventional ways that it might be released or performed, but they just had the desire to create music again. It wasn’t something that they necessarily discussed, but when Sunwoo mentioned that he had already written multiple raps, Jinyoung suddenly got an idea. Why not turn the accident into something good, something that can be enjoyable? They were experiencing a time that contained many thoughts and emotions, so it would be practical to turn them into lyrics. Being able to convey your feelings towards something was healthy, but allowing it be metaphorical would let it have another meaning, as well. While it would be able to distract everyone from the true meaning, it would create a unique theme, and it would be advantageous for the band.

Jinyoung instantly scrambled for his lyric book. He felt oddly excited and motivated knowing that the first song he’d be able to write down was the one from the dreams. Flipping through the pages, finding the lyrics scattered all across it, some squeezed in between his sketches, he grabbed his laptop and began to furiously piece them all together and type them out onto a document. He still remembered the melody of the song and grabbed his guitar to try and figure out the notes. He silently cursed himself for never studying music theory while typing out the notes under each word. Once he finished, he realized that he had written that song in about 20 minutes. It wouldn’t be complete until he could get into the studio and incorporate the other instrumental pieces in it, but he saved the finished song, not before adding the title, _In Dreams._

At first, he was considering the album being based on dreams entirely, but when he presented the idea to Dongwoo, he didn’t appear to like that very much. He mentioned once again that he doesn’t like the dreams because of “all the weird shit that happens in them,” but he did agree to write one song inspired by them, only noting that it was going to be a bit darker and may not exactly relate to the idea Jinyoung had in his head. The younger boy just agreed and said he’d wait to see what Dongwoo came up with.

Jinyoung understood his reluctance, but he was sure that Dongwoo would be able to add a new perspective that they could possibly work with. Even if the song he produced was drastically different, he was sure it could still work with what he was planning in his mind. 

He sent the completed song to both Dongwoo and Sunwoo for them to listen to. He didn’t mention to the youngest of the three why he was able to write it so quickly, so Sunwoo was surprised, but he then began working on a rap for it. They soon informed Junghwan and Chansik of their plans, who were then very excited and eagerly gave suggestions, too.

Things progressed more efficiently once they all received new phones. Immediately, they all decided to have a group call to catch up with one another, but to also discuss this new album. These calls were vastly more helpful and clear since they were able to communicate their ideas in real time. 

Jinyoung still took into consideration that Dongwoo didn’t want the album to be solely about dreams, so when the others brought up that idea, he shot it down. They didn’t exactly understand why, but Jinyoung thought that it could be pieces to a bigger concept. Sunwoo then brought up that they could turn the literal accident into a metaphor, into its own entity. Chansik agreed, jumping off that idea and added that it could be personified into a person who affected them and describe how ‘they’ changed their lives. They immediately all vehemently agreed and began piecing together their new concept.

They continued to work on the album, collaborating with one another over the phone for the next week, until they were finally given permission to leave their homes. The day that they got their casts removed was gratifying and freeing. Chansik was able to walk out quickly, having just been given a few exercises to strengthen his left hand and arm again, while Jinyoung was allowed to keep his crutches for a little longer for support as he began walking normally again. The other three just went for a progress check-up. Sunwoo no longer needed his wrist brace and Junghwan had healed just fine. Dongwoo got his boot removed and he was allowed to put his full weight on his right leg again. The stitching on his left leg had been healing nicely, as well. He really didn’t have any pain with either legs, except for phantom sensations.

He hadn’t experienced any pain until later. At first, he had only felt like the limb was still there, but it wasn’t continuous, coming and going irregularly. Unfortunately, the sensation worsened as the days went by while he was stuck at home. It varied, but it usually was a sharp feeling, like someone was stabbing something into his nonexistent leg. Thankfully, once it hit that point, the intensity didn’t seem to increase, but it was bothersome.

Dongwoo didn’t let the others know of this, nor did they have any way to find out either. They hadn’t been allowed to go with one another or see each other in public, since it would definitely gather attention. They had also been planning on all meeting together at Dongwoo’s home, but after a bit of hesitance and uncertainty, they never went through with it. The rules of what they were or weren’t permitted to do were unclear, so they were safer staying apart and at home. 

It wasn’t long before Jinyoung noticed that Dongwoo sounded slightly annoyed. Of course, that was mainly the interpreted connotation behind his texts, but he’s noticed a difference over the past few weeks in general. They had actually started off sounding overly sweet. If anyone were to look through either of their phones, they’d blatantly point out that they sounded like a married couple. However, now Dongwoo was coming off a bit irritable and snappy. When asked about it, he would brush it off and tell Jinyoung that nothing was wrong, but he couldn’t find himself to believe him.

He debated whether he should go check up on him by himself, but again, he wasn’t completely sure if he was allowed to do so. Jinyoung was sure that Dongwoo wasn’t thrilled to be locked up at home, or as he put it, “a prisoner in his own bedroom.” However, he was concerned that he was in an environment that wasn’t healthy for him. 

Jinyoung considered reaching out to his mother, but he knew Dongwoo would not like that. Not wanting to bother her anyway, he decided that he would need to keep a close eye on him himself. Dongwoo told him not to worry about him, but he found himself unable to tear the looming concern away from his conscious.

He thought that Dongwoo would begin to feel better. Since the dreams had stopped, Jinyoung tried not to mention them at all, but it was starting to become more obvious that they weren’t such a huge issue in the first place. 

Sure, they were weird as hell. Besides being stuck in this whole other world, the contents of their actions and the other things they couldn’t control were still inexplicable. For that reason, it was why he was trying to push so hard to find the meaning behind each single one. It was difficult for him to suppress the desire to continue asking Dongwoo, but Jinyoung figured this time alone would give him a while to think about it.

By the end of the weekend, Jinyoung found that he had only written a mess of incoherent lyrics that couldn’t be put together in any way. He quickly fell into a creative slump, having worn himself out already, although it’s only been a few days since they came up with their album concept. He remembered that Dongwoo was worried that he would become overworked and he cursed himself once again for actually reaching this point, and so quickly at that.

While he was organizing his clutter of papers and books to put away for later, his phone rang. His manager called to inform him that they were to report back to work tomorrow. Just as the excitement hit him, he was told that it would just be him, Junghwan, Sunwoo, and Chansik. He was to not speak with Dongwoo about anything that was happening yet, since they were unsure of how they were going to move forward from here. Jinyoung felt guilty for having to keep something from him, but he understood why the company didn’t want him there yet. 

Once he hung up, he began to feel worried, anxiously anticipating the next morning. He was sure that him and the others were going to have to advocate on Dongwoo’s behalf, and unfortunately fight for the company let him to stay in B1A4. It made him feel sick just thinking about it, but there were many toxic components of the industry and it would be long before it could ever begin to change.

He then had an idea. Jinyoung quickly grabbed a piece of paper from his pile and scribbled down a few effective points. He would have to talk to the others, so that they could come up more arguments and be on the same page, but he was hopeful that could possibly find a way to resolve this issue. Even if it took an unbelievable amount of convincing, he would make sure that they would all be able to sing together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a quarantine mood lol
> 
> I go back to school in a month, so I'm going to try and get these chapters out! August is pretty busy for me though, so I'm hoping everything goes accordingly.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	36. Holding on to Hope

The following morning, the four of them shuffled into work one by one, immediately being directed into a meeting room. Feeling like they’ve been apart for years, chaos suddenly erupted and they all practically tackled each other with hugs. After their shouts and laughter subsided, they began to discuss the day.

“I know it’s been a while, but I didn’t imagine that we’d be back here so soon,” Junghwan commented, trying to sound optimistic. While the others tried to reciprocate the same energy, there was still an empty feeling in the room. 

“Hopefully Dongwoo can come back soon,” Chansik gave a small smile. “It’ll be even better when we’re all here again.” He received nods from everyone and a few agreeing hums following them.

“Speaking of that, I just want to reiterate that things may not go our way today, but we have to fight for him,” Jinyoung pushed, trying to set this strategy in place. “I just hope that they don’t try and surprise us with anything we aren’t prepared for,” he muttered.

“I think we can all agree that this industry kinda sucks, but we fortunately work under a company that actually cares for its artists. Of course, it’s not perfect, but our needs are going to come before anyone else’s,” Sunwoo stated bluntly, attempting to reassure the others. “Besides, we’re the foundation of this company. We built it from the ground up and I don’t think that they’re going to want to mess with that.”

While what Sunwoo was saying was true, they were a bit hesitant to feel confident in his words. It was almost like he was going to jinx it by saying what they were all thinking aloud, but they were still holding onto that small tinge of hope. That still didn’t disregard the fact that the result of this meeting was ultimately not their decision, as they didn’t have much control to begin with. They just hoped that they didn’t put too much trust into the wrong hands.

Once they calmed down a bit, they took their seats at a table in the middle of the room. Currently being the only ones in there, they tried to quickly prepare themselves for what was about to happen, going over any notes that they brought with them to compare.

Although they knew the meeting was going to cause them to be alert, they weren’t expecting to feel as intimidated as they currently did. The CEO was the first to walk in, followed by a lot more people than they had anticipated. Their manager, several other managers ranging from specializations in operations to social media, directors, producers, and even a music attorney walked into the room. How there was even room for everyone, they wouldn’t know, but they all managed to comfortably fit around the table.

They had all been warmly greeted as everyone took their seats. It wasn’t long before the CEO started the meeting, welcoming them back and expressing his sympathy towards them. He then continued, restating that they weren’t allowed to discuss any of this with Dongwoo yet, as they were still uncertain of their approach.

“We would like to keep you all informed, but as safe as possible. I’m sure that you are aware that there have been…” He hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. “Some issues with the media, but this problem is getting a bit out of hand.”

They knew that there were rumors being spread like wildfire, but they honestly haven’t been on social media or watched the news very much since they were still in the hospital. Admittedly, they had muted notifications and avoided any tags relating to them on various platforms, so they wouldn’t know if something had really gotten out of control. 

“That being said, we would like to discuss a few things with you all,” the CEO continued. “Obviously, there won’t be any promotions or any other activities for the time being. We’d like you all to heal first and continue at a later date.”

They felt their hearts racing, anxiously preparing to hear bad news. They had an idea of what people could be saying, especially since their manager had given them a brief summary a few weeks ago. If the media had jumped to any extreme conclusions from fans’ speculations and others’ rumors, (which they most likely did) who knew what else could have been out there by now. 

“Since you won’t have anything on your schedules right now, we’d like to ask you to not actively post or reply to comments online. Many rumors have started just from the photos that have been posted on the official Instagram and Twitter accounts, so we don’t want to feed in to that,” the social media manager jumped in, voice stern as she was already implementing rules. 

“You’ve done a good job for the past month, so keep it up,” she added, giving a small smile. “However, this adjustment will not quickly fix the main issue at hand.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Sunwoo asked, already pressing for answers. 

The manager eyed him before sighing, “I can only imagine that you’d expect theories ranging from how the accident happened, who caused it, what happened to you guys, etc., that are overclouding the truth.” Everyone stared at her as she spoke, since she appeared to be hesitating. 

“Of course, none of these posts come from a credible source, so thankfully, there are many people who refuse to believe them. However, the negative posts are the most popular, representing B1A4 in a hateful way,” the CEO continued, saving the social media manager from having to explain further. His voice suddenly turned cold, as if he was trying to stifle his anger, “They mainly place the blame on you.”

The room was dead silent before Jinyoung barked, “What blame? Are people saying that this was intentional?” His eyes widened and he immediately grew tense. Sunwoo grabbed his arm in an attempt to calm him and keep him down in fear that he’d let his anger get the best of him. 

It made sense. There was a death involved and of course, the news had already spilled out the fact that Dongwoo had been the one driving. That’s why he wasn’t allowed to be here. Jinyoung couldn’t even fathom how anybody could think he did something like this deliberately. His blood boiled at the thought of the countless lies that people have been spitting out for the past month, with nobody addressing any of them. 

“Why hasn’t anything been done about this?” He scowled, demanding for an answer.

“With so much involved legally, there isn’t much that  can  be done right now. However, as an agency, we are still obligated to protect our artists and take action against these rumors,” their CEO said solemnly. “But we’re worried that this could put B1A4 in jeopardy.”

His words felt like a punch, although they had a strong feeling that getting them all back together again was going to be difficult, they didn’t expect disbandment to be the first thing to be brought up. 

“Disbandment is your solution?” Sunwoo asked incredulously, not able to believe the staff’s decisions.

“For now, we’re letting you continue to work,” the CEO said, frowning at Sunwoo’s assumption. “We don’t want to get to that point, so we have to find a way to prevent it.”

“Well, what are we going to do?” Sunwoo said, much softer, trying to contain his agitation. 

“Today we will send out a statement addressing the issue with the threat of pressing charges for the spread of false information. Until all the legal aspects of everything have been wrapped up, you should try your hardest from grouping together in public. It’s not fair for us to stop you, but you should just be conscientious of where you go and act as normal as possible,” the CEO responded more calmly this time. 

“What about Dongwoo?” Jinyoung spoke up after a moment. “Other than addressing the rumors, what are you planning on doing about him?”

“That will have to be decided once he recovers,” their manager responded, speaking up for the first time during the meeting. “Of course, we’d hope that he would be able to continue promoting with B1A4, but things aren’t certain. There’s also the question of what all the problems that have come along with this accident will have done to your reputation when that time comes.”

“Have you thought that he might be able to help revive the group’s reputation if it were to be destroyed?” Jinyoung interrogated, quickly shooting his question back at them. He could see the team’s expressions turn to those of confusion, not understanding where he was coming from.

“In general, the industry tries to keep a specific image for their artists. They’re put on a pedestal and aren’t allowed to be touched. Why is it when something unfortunate happens to an idol, it ruins their whole career? One incident can forever become tied to their name,” He continued, unsure of where this newfound confidence has come from. “Idols are humans, too. They’re much more relatable than people tend to think.”

“So, you’re suggesting to promote these…differences,” their manager said hesitantly, trying to find the right words. He eyed the CEO, who looked surprised, but was listening intently.

“Not just a disability, but perseverance. Think about what qualities can be admirable outside of appearance,” Jinyoung said blatantly, not bothering to sugarcoat his words. 

The room grew silent. The staff just stared at him, mostly surprised that he would say something like that. Being an idol, especially one who is more well-known for his appearance, it was shocking for them that he would say that it wasn’t very important. 

“If our fans love us, then they will support the group no matter what we look like. We’re still B1A4,” Channie spoke up, his voice soft but strong.

“The ones who care are the ones out there denying rumors and other theories. They care about who we are as people and they want to hear us all sing together again,” Junghwan said following Chansik, supporting him with his much louder voice.

“We’ve worn suits with our own faces on them,” Jinyoung deadpanned. “I don’t think our fans care what we look like.”

The CEO then let out a laugh at Jinyoung’s comment, which directed everyone’s attention over to him. He smiled, looking at Jinyoung, “You definitely bring up an interesting point.” He let out a few more chuckles before addressing the rest of the members, “You are all very persuasive. I do like your ideas and I support them, but it would still have to be discussed at a later date. Not only does it need company approval, but Dongwoo would have to be here to accept this plan, as well. We should wait until he is ready to come back to work before we make any final decisions.”

He gave them all a big smile before continuing, “I think we covered everything that we needed to today. We will send out a statement shortly and hopefully things will work out smoothly.” He stood up from his seat, which initiated the rest of the staff to start cleaning up and follow suit. “This concludes this meeting. Thank you for your time.”

After all the staff had left the meeting room, the four of them quickly rushed up to their studio. They felt a rush of energy as they entered their floor, feeling like they were being welcomed back home. Being away for over a month made them long to be back in their workspace, so it was refreshing and motivating to be back. Once they reached their floor, they all crowded into Jinyoung’s office, collapsing into whatever chair they could find. 

“That was way too stressful,” Junghwan whined as he dramatically threw his head back, slinging over his chair.

“I honestly can’t believe the CEO went with that so easily,” Sunwoo commented. “First they were talking about disbandment and then it was completely turned around.”

“I just feel like that their minds might be easily changed. Didn’t you see everyone’s faces when I first brought up that appearance wasn’t everything? It’s such a taboo subject, so even if they’re considering it now, doesn’t mean that they will later,” Jinyoung sighed, reaching to turn on one of his monitors.

“I think it’s just something that they haven’t considered. This hasn’t happened before, so we don’t know that for sure,” Chansik said, shifting in his chair to lean over and rest his head on Junghwan’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know. I think you saved it at the end,” Sunwoo added, trying to hold back a laugh. “It was a really good point, though! Although it was the early 2010s, we did wear some of the weirdest clothes I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“I know, but going back to that, even if the CEO doesn’t change his mind, it doesn’t mean that other people will. He said we would need company approval,” Jinyoung eyed Sunwoo, before turning back to his computer. 

“If we make the best album they’ve ever heard, I think they’d be convinced,” Junghwan said jokingly, receiving a supporting nod from Chansik. 

“Well now that we’re here, we can work on that,” Jinyoung said, scrolling through his email to find the lyrics he and Sunwoo were sending to each other.

“Oh, I was kidding, but alright,” Junghwan shrugged lightly, careful not to knock Chansik off his shoulder.

“Did you come up with anything else?” Sunwoo asked, noticing that Jinyoung was looking at the finished song he sent him.

“No, I was just going to start scoring this song,” he replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“The depressing dream one?” 

Jinyoung hummed in response, “What about you?” 

“Other than the lyrics I sent you, nope,” Sunwoo sunk down in his chair, peering over at Junghwan and Chansik who were now occupied with watching a video on the youngest’s phone. 

“Did you two come up with anything?” 

“I don’t have any ideas,” Chansik pouted. 

“I have something written, but it doesn’t make much sense,” Junghwan said, not looking up from the phone. “I still don’t really understand why you don’t like the idea of the album being based off dreams. I think it’s interesting.”

“I think what you guys came up with is better. Besides, it’s still technically about dreams,” Jinyoung paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “Dongwoo was against it.”

“Wait, really?”

“Why?”

“When did he say that?”

All three of their voices were suddenly thrown at him, catching Jinyoung by surprise. He turned away from the computer to face them.

“You’d have to ask him,” he said, avoiding their gazes and hoping they’d stop questioning him. Although, by the way they were sitting on the edge of their seats and staring at him indicated otherwise. Jinyoung felt like he already gave out too much information, worried that he had said or would say something that Dongwoo wouldn’t appreciate. “I don’t exactly know why.”

“Oh,” one of them muttered. Jinyoung didn’t bother to look up to see who it came from. 

“Are you going to talk to him?” Sunwoo asked cautiously. “About today?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jinyoung lightly shrugged, looking back up at him. 

It seemed like it would be something they would have to discuss in person, since it was so complicated. Jinyoung began debating whether he should drop by and check up on Dongwoo or not. Other than his concerns, he did have a valid excuse to go.

“I’ll do it tomorrow,” he decided, stating with much more confidence. He could only hope things wouldn’t go as badly as he anticipated. At this rate, however, he didn’t think it would work out that way. He would just have to wait and see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CNU is back!! I’m so excited to see what B1A4 has planned for the near future and the online concert with OMG and ONF was such a great welcome back to their normal activities! Also, on top of that, it's Baro's birthday! Happy Baro Day!! :)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
